BIG PROBLEMS

[tido_12]

>
> Comments: To whom it may concern;
>      My name is Jeena Kester I am the mother of four children.
>  Shayla 14 yrs, Shelton 9yrs, Mattea 5yrs, Baylee 3 yrs.  My two
> older children are from my first marriage and my two baby girls are
> from my current husband today.  My husband and I have been married
> for seven years.  He has always had an alcohol problem and can be
> very verbally abuse when he is drunk and has a temper when not.  He
> has had numerous alcohol tickets in the past because of his
> problems.  He also has had other addictions as well, cocaine,
>  methaphines, loretab.
>
>      In February or March of last year, My husband and myself both
> started to use Methaphines and put a huge strain on our marriage
> which lead to an altercation on August 17,2003.  At this time we
> both were under the impression that we both had quit using.  My
> husband started to drink when he come home from work.  This lead to
> a huge fight, he was accusing me of still using and started to
> scream and yell and call me every name he could.  All the children
> were in the house and were in their beds asleep.  My sister Lisa and
> her fiancé Jeff came over to our house to see if they could help
> matters and to calm my husband down.  Jeff usually could calm him
> down when he gets this way.  He becomes completely irrational.
>  About midnight my husband passed out for short time, when he woke
> up about 2:00 a.m.  The fight was on again, I was asking for the
> keys to one of our vehicles.  I wanted to leave with the children
> and go to my sisters until he was sober as I did numerous times in
> the past.  He would not give me the keys; instead he climbed in the
> master bedroom closet and got bullets out.  I asked what he planed
> to do with them and he said he was going to blow me away and have
> shoot out with the cops.  I was afraid ran out of the house and told
> Lisa and Jeff what he said.  Jeff went into the house and some how
> got into the bedroom.  He had loaded three guns, a high powered
> rifle, a shotgun, and a twenty-two rifle.  My nine-year-old son was
> across the hall from this bedroom and my three daughters were in the
> bedroom below.  Jeff convinced him to unload the guns and helped him
> and put them back in the gun safe.  Jeff told Lisa and I to get all
> the children in his truck.  We struggled with my husband with the
> two babies; he was trying to pull them from our arms.  We finally
> got all the children and left.  I never pressed charges on him for
> fear of what he would do.
>
>      However I did file for a protective order in the court and
> received one for about two weeks.  I did not have money for attorney
> and had to seek council through legal aid.  I have not worked
> outside the home for over ten years and have been the sole caregiver
> of all the children.  When it was time to go to court my husband had
> hired a well-known attorney through his uncles firm.  His uncle is
> very powerful and well-known attorney around here.  His attorney
> convinced my attorney to agree to mutual restraining orders, which
> has not been filed with the court to this day.  He also served me
> with divorce papers and custody papers.  I had stopped using Meth
> for about month at this point.  And after this I began to use again.
>  I used for a while and was arrested for numerous charges of Meth.
>  I spent one night in jail and the day I was released was served
> with a protective order.  He now had temporary custody of my two
> little girls.  I still had custody of my two older children.  I was
> very concerned at this point for all my children and myself.  I went
> to the county and asked for help for my drug addiction.  They
> assessed me and have tried to find me a bed in facility that would
> meet my needs.  It has been over 100 days I have been clean and free
> of drugs and I well aware of what this drug has done to my life and
> the life of my children.  I have attended NA meetings and now
> employed with school district in the lunch program.
>
>      His protective order against me was served September 25, 2003.  
> It was transferred from the fourth district court to the Juvenile
> court, which lead to a huge delay in the legal process.  I not only
> had major concerns for my children not knowing if he had quit using
> and his alcohol problems.  But he was leaving our two little girls
> in the care of his mother and father while he worked ten to twelve
> hour days.  His father is a convicted child molester and is
> registered with sex offenders.  He was charged tried and convicted
> of count 1 Forcible Sex Abuse of Female minor and Count 1Attempted
> Forcible Sex Abuse of Female Minor.  Very concerned for the well
> being of my two little girls I went to the Division of Child and
> Family services.  I told them everything from our drug use to what I
> was concerned about with his father.  They told me that there was
> nothing they could do for the children or me at this point.  They
> said that my father in law had completed his adult protection and
> parole and that he had no sanctions on him.  That when he finished
> his probation he was given a clean bill of health so to speak.  I
> left their office frustrated and not sure of what to do.  DCFS in
> turn opened a case against me for child endangerment.  They did an
> investigation and found that the children were in no danger when in
> my care even when I was using.  The drugs were always under lock and
> key and I still maintained a normal life.  I still took care of my
> responsibilities and the children.  Please know I know now there is
> no excuse for what I have done.  I take full responsibility for my
> actions and mistakes and I have taken the proper steps for my
> recovery and to gain some control and stability and structure for my
> family.
>
>      It has now been well over three months since I was served with
> the protective order, I was granted supervised visitation through
> facility that is affiliated with the courts. On January 7, 2004 the
> Juvenile courts found that I was no danger to my children and
> dismissed his protective order.  As it stands today neither one of
> us has been granted custody of these two little girls.  He refuses
> me any visitation as well as my whole entire family.  My mother and
> sisters have played a huge role in these girls life and now have had
> no contact with them over three months.  My two older children are
> confused to why this has happened, they are angry at the court
> system as well.  They don't understand why it took so long for the
> right jurastication finally hear this case.  They both have told
> everyone who will listen of the verbal and emotional abuse we all
> endured when we lived with my husband.  They want their sister's
> back in their lives.  I am very concerned for the well being of my
> two little girls.  They not only have had there lives ripped out
> from underneath them and there father refuses any contact with me or
> there siblings.  They are left in the care of a Convicted Child
> Molester and his wife.  And let it be known that the little girl he
> molested was a little girl him and his wife adopted when I believe
> she was between the ages of two and four. And now is an adult, It
> wasn't until she was an adult that she came forward with these
> accusations.  She claimed that he molested her for many years before
> she finally left to live with her real mother.  My husband claims
> his father is never left alone with my girls and that his mother is
> always there.  Let it be know that his mother was there when he
> molested the other girl. It's a chance I don't want to take.  I
> believe that my girls are in grave danger and I can't seem to find
> the right people to voice my concerns to.
>
>      Every agency I thought would listen to me has not.  DCFS told
> me there was nothing they could do until something happened to my
> girls.  My girls have told me that grandma and grandpa are mean to
> them and they cry that they do not want to be with them and there
> dad is always at work and that they are always with grandma and
> grandpa.  All of what they have said has been documented by the
> facility that conducted my supervised visits.  There father had only
> dropped them off for these visit approximatly four time the rest of
> the time in three months has been his mother and father.  Both of my
> husbands younger brothers have told the DCFS that these girls should
> not be left in the care of there parents and that there brother is
> no better parent for these children.  They have seen first hand his
> alcohol problem and drug use and what it does to him and the people
> around him.  They have seen the holes he has left in walls of their
> parent's home and have had to pick him up from the bars.  He has
> came abusive to them and he has loaded the guns in fit of rage on
> more than one occasion.
>
>      I believe my husband needs help for his alcohol and drug
> addictions and also some kind of treatment for his anger.  He has
> not been held accountable for any of his actions.  He has not taken
> responsibility for his mistakes and denies he has any problems.  
> When there is long line of evidence to support my allegations. He
> continues to let his father care for our children  regardless to
> their safety.  In conclusion if there is any advice or any thing you
> can do for my children please contact me at 801-798-6015.  I
> appreciate your time and concern on this matter.                    
>                                                                      
>                 Sincerely,
>
>                                                                      
>                                 Jeena I Kester

[nosonew]

I am so sorry for your situation and am very proud of you for putting your family before your addiction.  You need an attorney, like yesterday! Anyway your family can help finance one?  This is very important and also very important you get a good one.  My best wishes to you and your kids.  I hope someone either replies or calls you with the help you need.....another mother, nosonew

p.s. it's best not to put your real name on these posts, ANYONE could read them!

[Peanutsdad]

I really have no advise here. Neither parent are what would be called "good" by any measuring stick. Perhaps the BEST thing for these girls is foster care.

Both parents have had numerous arrests, have quit using in the past and gone back to using drugs.

[Indigo Mom]

Admitting the problem is good, but not as good as facing it and kicking the habit to the curb forever.  Clearly, both parents have issues...issues which are dangerous for the kids involved.

What this poster should do (IMO) is check herself into the nearest clinic...inpatient...and stay there until she's clean with no desire to go back to using speed.  She needs to fix herself rather than piss and moan about what her husband is doing.  What's her defense going to be?  "your honor, he's on drugs and has the kids...I'm better because I'm using drugs without having the kids"...????

My husband was a speed dealer and hard core smoker of the stuff when he was 18.  For 3 years, his life was down in the pits because of his use.  To this day, he'll tell you that those 3 years were the worst of his life.  He was unable to stop selling or using...so he up and moved to Colorado, and has been clean ever since.  I called him at work about this, and he said no child should ever be in the care of a speed freak.  

I agree with Peanutsdad...the state should jump in and give these kids some form of "normal" life.  A life they're never going to get with 2 criminal, drug addicted parents.  

[sweetnsad]

I'm afraid I have to agree with PD and Indigo Mom...these children aren't better off with either of you if there is drug use or alcohol or abuse involved...one is no better than the other and the only ones getting hurt are the children.

[john5739]

Rather than point fingers about who is using drugs and not believing in second chances and recovery, I am going to focus on the most IMPORTANT aspect of your post.  These girls are more than likely being sexually abused by their grandfather.  That is the number one issue here.  If you are clean and sober right now, great!  Do anything you need to do to stay that way.  Just the mere fact that you are so concerned with what is happening to your girls shows that you've made some progress in recovering from the self-centered life of addiction.  You do need more help; get it where ever you can.  Have faith in yourself that you can overcome this and be a good mother.  Everyone makes mistakes don't compound them by believing that you can never rise above and then giving in to the hopelessness that starts the cycle of addiction all over again.  Foster care can sometimes be more of a nightmere than a mother with problems.  Keep looking for help from any angency, or person who can help get these kids out of danger.  Don't give up until someone listens!!  Stay clean and be as calm and professional as you can when dealing with agencies.  They are more likely to dismiss you and your case if you come across as having your own issues.  Your girls will be affected forever if they are being sexually abused, you have to do anything and everything you can to get them away from their grandfather even if it means having them go to another TRUSTED relative until you can take proper care of them.  Use legal aid and any other resource available.  Keep talking, calmly, and eventually someone will listen.  Leave no stone unturned.  You cared enough about your children to write this and ask for help, keep caring no matter how much you might feel like giving up sometimes.  

[Peanutsdad]

Who said anything about pointing fingers?

Statisitcally crack/crank/meth users go back to using time and again. Dont think I know what Im talking about? 'fraid I do,, I see more addicts come thru my ER than I care to count. Personally, I get tired of seeing MY tax dollars spent to treat addicts. Now you want folks to advocate this mother getting the kids. Right,, sure thing,, lets take the kids from one addict, and give em to another,, sounds great to me.

If either of these two parents truly cared about these children, they would turn them over to the state and start the long process of getting well for themselves, and give those children a chance of salvaging their childhood.

[Indigo Mom]

But both parents are addicted to speed.  She's admitted it.  She's a drug user.  She can't possibly help her children until she helps herself.  If the father is a speed freak who won't get help, if the grandfather is a child molester, then she better step up to the plate and fix this mess.  If she truly loved her children...i mean REALLY loved her children, she wouldn't put a drug before their safety.

Now, you say they're "more than likely being sexually molested by their Grandfather".  OK...what would you do?  Hide in a cloud of drugs, or help them?  Continue using dope or clean yourself up so your kids could have a decent life?  

You said "Foster care can sometimes be more of a nightmere than a mother with problems."  Sure it can, but can it be more of a nightmare than 2 parents addicted to drugs and a sexual molester???????????

If she refuses to get help, and I hope she doesn't...then more than likely, the more she hoots and hollers, screaming for help, the more likely the state will step in and remove the kids from everyone.  Sometimes, that's the best thing.

Do you know what the childrens lifestyle will be like living with a drug addicted parent?  Not pretty.  Drug users tend to put their child at risk...ya ever heard of a "nice" drug user or dealer?  I sure haven't.  

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.  I value a childs life WAY more than any substance....

[nosonew]

I agree she should check herself into rehab, but I am very concerned about the possibility of sexual abuse by the grandfather at this point as well.  I have a friend from work that grew up in foster homes, she wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy, so....what is best?  I vote for a mother that loves her kids, KNOWS she has a problem and is working hard to correct it.  

I'd take the child in myself if it would help.  At least we would all know she would be safe.  

[john5739]

I like to think that not all people are alike and that everyone has the capacity for change if they truly desire it.  My focus was on this mother trying to help her children, which is why she posted.  She wasn't looking for people to tell her that she is a hopeless case.  I'm sure her children would benefit greatly from her being encouraged to stay sober rather than having her be told she's a hopeless case.