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Author Topic: BIG PROBLEMS  (Read 9183 times)


Alatheia

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RE: Ok....
« Reply #31 on: Jan 18, 2004, 02:20:27 PM »
I just shot out that address. If there are any questions about the guilt of the grandfather you can veiw them there.
    I am the sister of the original poster, I have put off responding to this for numerous reasons. The main one being that her letter was posted here by accident and does not fully detail the situation. the fact of the matter is Jeena is concerned about the situation of her children being left in the care of a convicted child molester while their father is at work. I do not participate in forums because I feel they are similar to day time talk shows, everyone has an opinion as opposed to a solution. However after reading the replies to her post I am seeing how this seems to those who are outside of the mess. As I said the whole picture has not come to light. the original letter was sent to every State agency, attorney, child advocate, B.A.C.A in the hopes that someone might come forward with at the very least the ability to mediate for the welfare of the children.
I am the oldest of 5 sisters and one brother. Jeena being the second to youngest. She is the second sister to become addicted to Methamphetamine. The first sister became addicted in 1997 and is just now going through some intensive counseling, she completed 2 months of inpatient, one month of that was forced on her through the county jail, The second month was in lue of spending another month in jail. She has been successful in this treatment program and is now in out patient treatment. There is more to this than staying sober, You also need the tools to know what triggers the addictive behavior. I beleive the 1 sister has learned this. I beleive that Jeena is sober but I do not beleive she is educated enough about the addicive personality and cycle she is in. She has submitted to urine tests, voluntarily been assessed by the State of Utah she has taken their reccomendations that she enter treatment. She is on a waiting list to enter a fairly new inpatient rehab that not only focuses on the parent but their children as well, they enter into the facility with their drug addicted mothers and all are treated as a family.
  I do think that she is not pressing forward with this because she feels a perverse guilt about leaving the two youngest children behind.
   She was very instrumental in the first sisters' childrens lives she and I both screamed as loud as we could about the children and the danger they were in. She had two daughters, The oldest was placed in foster care and later adopted by the foster parents. That was two years ago. The foster parents became very destructive in the oldest daughters life. She became very involved with the church she got a job, she is due to graduate high school this spring and has earned all of her required credits to do this so basically she has free time at school right now. She has earned to scgholarshipe to attend a University. The foster parents began to punish her for things such as using the phone without permission by grounding her from church. The second incident came when the adoptive mother wanted her to "call in sick" to work, When she questioned the validity of skipping work to help make cakes at home she was forced to quit her job. She lied about drying a blanket and was put into another foster home while the adoptive family went on vacation. When the foster family moved to adopt this child I felt as though it would be a good thing . When she started running here for advice I became gravely concerned about this foster family.  What any of us would give to have our teens desire to go to church and work? But the biggest issue was the fact that this child had been bounced from family member to family member, foster home to foster home state agency to state agency. And to finally receive the blessing of a family that was normal tranquil and loved her enough to adopt her and then to be told that if she broke the rules she would be sent to a foster home, In a childs mind that absoluteley underminded the entire though of being loved by people that were willing to take on the role of biological parents. At this very time the adoptive mother has told her she needs to leave the family because she was onery on Christmas morning. She left the home she is 4 months away from her 18th birthday. Thank God her biological mother is actually clean and sober for the first time in 7 years. I have added this lil tid bit because of the argument going on about foster care. Also the fact that Jeena was educated on the effects of meth addicted parents caring for their children and a year ago she would have been as adament about removing the children from the situation. I personally am still of that opinion. Children have no buisness being in a home where any drug is abused but especially methamphetamine. I am still on speaking terms with the father and feel the same about him that I do Jeena, both need to go through some type of treatment, The father cannot offer the same proof that he is doing whatever possible to avoid using the drugs again. One thing I have learned over the years is the number one mistake these people make is thinking they are in control. they are not they beleive they can use and control what is happening aroung them. Especially meth they have these grandiouse ideas that they ARE in control. They are not! i have absoluteley NO sympathy for 'tweekers' I beleive they have no right to have children in their custody and I will NEVER waiver on that. We do have some laws in place that are nothing more than good intentions, I have become friends with many members of lawe enforcment over the years and they do verything they can to enforce the laws that are in place to protect these children. But as they often tell me they lock em up, they go to court the next day and are released and right back to their habit and in most cases such as with the other sister it takes years and years to actually get the children in a place where they are safe and ok. But right now at this point in time I have a little sister who became addicted with her husband to methamphetamine, Both of whom were very hands on parents as a matter of fact that was one of the things that endeared Jeena to him. They play "night games" with their children, they roller blade, bike, play tag, jump on the trampoling and they enjoyed this just as much as the children. The husband is a good father with a drinking and drug problem follow your buddies type person. Jeena is a good mother who let her guard down and actually I beleive with all of my heart that this addictive behavior began with legally perscribed drugs. We all know that using drugs legal or otherwise will wear down our resolve. Jeena is of the personality that I am sure she thought using meth once was something she could control, She being as strong and bold as she is never assumed that she could possibly become addicted after one time use. Well she did, He did and now we have two babies who are caught in the aftermath of this mess. The idea that my lil neices are being left in the care of a child molester consumes me  day and night. It is like trying to choose between the lesser  of two evils trying to find a situation for these lil people that keeps them safe and gives them some kind of normal life. I beleive that is simply what Jeena was trying to acheive through her post and that is what I am asking now. Small children need their mothers and their fathers. The court system has not been alot of help and I am positive that they are denying the rights of the children at this point. A couple of things I would like to clear up are #1 Jeena has not had numerous arrests, She was arrested one time and the children were placed in the care of their father at that point. Once an addict always an addict, but she is a sober addict at this time. The father does have a drinking problem adn I cannot honestly say I have seen hiim more than three times without a beer in his hand. Prior to the meth being introduced into this family unit there were many altercations that became physical, Jeena honestly sought anyone or anything that might appease her husband and hold her marriage together. I sometimes feel as though she got to the point where she gave up and joined in. But still the question remains,,, What can we do for the children right now? we have contacted everyone we think may listen and help these little girls. How do we get to someone who can actually help them? Jeena is more than willing to risk that the girls may end up in foster care and has stated numerous times she knows they have a good dad, although the drinking rages are always going to be a concern for her, She simply does not want them to be left in the care of a child molester.

sweetnsad

  • Guest
Just a suggestion...
« Reply #32 on: Jan 18, 2004, 02:27:30 PM »
Please, please post the above poster again, but divide it up into paragraphs....it is so hard to read when you type like that and no one will actually read it...so please repost it and make it easier for us to understand...
:-)

Alatheia

  • Guest
RE: Just a suggestion...
« Reply #33 on: Jan 18, 2004, 02:45:25 PM »
This is an up to God situation, I am not going to retype it, If someone is out there that really cares about our family and wants to help they will read it. But thank you. This is my first using forums and probably my last.

john5739

  • Guest
RE: Ok....
« Reply #34 on: Jan 18, 2004, 03:04:37 PM »
The fact is you, me nor anyone else will ever know the full truth about anyone's story.  I did not go "bonkers for a drug addict"  I went bonkers over the possible situation that these children were in and it has become obvious to me that no one is getting at the real message of what I wrote and only wants to bash this woman for her problems which does not help anyone, especially the children.  If you want to believe that the men are just fine and she is an evil lying woman than I don't wish to persuade you otherwise.  My intention was to offer her some support so she could assist her children if they are in need of help.  

Please know and believe that there are MANY examples out there of people being mistreated by the system when they are trying to do the right thing.  It happens everyday to men and women everywhere.

Maybe this woman isn't coming back to this site because she's been put down so much on these postings that she's decided it's not worth it just to feel bad, or maybe she doesn't have access to a computer.  


john5739

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RE: Just a suggestion...
« Reply #35 on: Jan 18, 2004, 03:14:44 PM »
I hope, somehow, someway your sister and her children get the help and consideration they deserve.  Try not to let the opinions of anyone deter you from looking on this forum.  There are many people here who do offer valuable info even if their opinions can be disturbing, just ignore that part.  Post on your state board so that the info you find is relative.  You never know someone with a nasty opinion just might have some info that helps.  I almost gave up in my situation and just when I reached that point I had an almost miraculous experience.  You never know when things can turn around.

Peanutsdad

  • Guest
RE: Ok....
« Reply #36 on: Jan 18, 2004, 04:28:37 PM »
>The fact is you, me nor anyone else will ever know the full
>truth about anyone's story.  I did not go "bonkers for a drug
>addict"  I went bonkers over the possible situation that these
>children were in and it has become obvious to me that no one
>is getting at the real message of what I wrote and only wants
>to bash this woman for her problems which does not help
>anyone, especially the children.  If you want to believe that
>the men are just fine and she is an evil lying woman than I
>don't wish to persuade you otherwise.  My intention was to
>offer her some support so she could assist her children if
>they are in need of help.  


I believe that is what I said over and over and over. Help the kids. Get them away from all invloved in this mess. They deserve better.
>
>Please know and believe that there are MANY examples out there
>of people being mistreated by the system when they are trying
>to do the right thing.  It happens everyday to men and women
>everywhere.

Yup, I agree entirely, there are people who get eaten alive by the system every day, time and again.
>
>Maybe this woman isn't coming back to this site because she's
>been put down so much on these postings that she's decided
>it's not worth it just to feel bad, or maybe she doesn't have
>access to a computer.  

Personally, I could care less, my only concern, is the kids. I have already offered the best advise there. They dont need to be with a drug addict nor a child molester.  The poster claims bm is clean, the state claims grand dad is clean,, its a push,, want your kids in either persons hands?

wendl

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RE: BIG PROBLEMS
« Reply #37 on: Jan 19, 2004, 10:02:47 AM »
I am sorry to hear you are going thru this. Both you and your husband have made some big mistakes. I am glad you are seaking the help you need.

I would find a good attorney asap. Also request that randum drug testing be done on both you and your husband.  

Keep clean, keep documenting. Get a letter from your drug treatment program of how you did during treatment and how you are doing now.

Also request a restraining order on this sex offender for the safety of your girls.

I wish you all the luck


charm910

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RE: BIG PROBLEMS
« Reply #39 on: Jan 24, 2004, 11:53:57 PM »
I'm sorry, it's a bit late.

With all the responses and discussion, no one mentioned the obvious answer, someone, maybe the sister, applies for temporary custody of the girls.  If they are that concerned, then it's a "family" problem, and custody of the children is all part of the family dynamics.

Recovery treatment is also a "family" problem and should be treated as such, including grandparents, children, brothers and sisters, etc.

It sounds as if this whole extended family needs to work together to help all of its' generations futures.




 

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