My ex wants more visitation and/or sole custody.

[lisbeth]

My ex and I have joint legal and physical custody of our 9 year old dd. He moved out of state for 5 years due to a military obligation and came back in state and now resides here. During the time he was out of state he only saw dd on Holidays and for 6 weeks in the summer. He called her when he was able to but he sometimes was not able to call often because of his military duties, so he says. He averaged about once every couple of weeks for about 30 minutes. Our dd loves him dearly. He has been remarried for 7 years and we divorce when our dd was 8 months old. My ex has paid cs evey month with no problems. Exccept a few month where he missed but made it up.

My problem is that now that he is back he wants to see dd more and I just can't stand it. I feel like he is harrassing me about visitation. The CO says every week during 2 weekday nights and EOW. Also alternating holidays and 6 weeks in the summer. In the CO it comes out to 14 day of him having physical custody and 16 or 17 days for me to have custody. I don't want him visiting with my dd during the week. I have written him letters and told him that if he loved her then he would not try to visit her during the week because it messes up her school schedule. He even agrees with me but said I would have to compensate his time and I should let him see her every weekend and not during the week. But, I want to see her on the weekend, too. So I told him no.

At this point I haven't let him see her in over a month. He filed for a modification because of it and charged me with 14 or so counts of contempt. He also claims that I am medically neglectful because I chose to treat a skin infection my dd had with natural medicines instead of using the antiobiotics the doctor prescribed. My ex got upset because the natural medicines take significantly longer to treat infections that antiobiotics. I am concerned about the over use of antiobiotics. My dd's pediatrician said that he wanted me to use to prescription but I didn't feel comfortable with it. I told him that I would continue to use the natural medicines. The doctor called my ex and told him that he needed to get the prescription and give it to my daughter during summer break because he didn't think I would give it to her and he also said that if my dd didn't get the medicine that she could get a blood infection called septecimia. I don't think that's ture I think the doctor was just trying to scare ex into going against my wishes. It says in the CO I have final say about medical care when the child is in my custody. EX has same rights.
I don't think I was being negligent because I was treating it, just not the main stream way that parents normally do. EX did give her the medicine and my dd has some very bad scares whch ex says are my fault. I don't think that is true either. The doctor called child services on me and they are currently investigating me for neglect. I have a lawyer and he told me that I need to let the father see my dd when he askes to other wise I will keep getting charged with contempt. But I am not going to because I don't feel like her father really cares about her, because if he did he would not want to interrupt her schedule and take her out of her home so often. My dd understands what is going on, I showed her the papers for change of custody and she got really mad at her dad for trying to take her away from me. My dd says that she wants to live with me but my lawyers doesn't seem to think that I have much chance of retaining 50/50 custody. He says that I have "interfered with parental visitation too many time recently" and "The medical neglect is going to be hard to disprove".

Do I have a chance of keeping custody of my dd? What should I do to give myself the upperhand? Do you think I have any chance at all?

I'm in georgia by the way.

lisbeth

[Sherry1]

with her dad.  I'll tell you one thing, if you keep violating the visitation order, a judge could reverse custody and give custody to dad.  I suggest you start following the visitation order whether you like it or not.  If you are looking at trying to reduce his visitation it probably won't happen.

[Kitty C.]

First off, with the antibiotics.  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??????  Lady, I've watched what were PERFECTLY healthy people DIE from sepsis.  That doctor is NOT trying to scare your ex, he's telling the TRUTH!

Treat yourself organically, especially if it takes longer, but DO NOT do that to your child, especially when you're talking about an infection.  The bugs out there nowadays are MUCH more virulent than even 20 years ago, and a child has LESS immunities to fight off crap like that.  The doc would have had NO problems with the natural remedies if he didn't feel that she needed to get treated quickly.  Once sepsis enters the blood stream, it spreads amazingly fast.  And kids compensate a LOT more than adults do, so you will never know just how badly it's affecting her until it's practically too late.

I've been in healthcare for almost 20 years, and watched a new mother, who was perfectly healthy, die from sepsis because a delivery laceration wasn't treated fast enough.  You CANNOT waste time with this!  Your damn right it's neglect and with the proof they have against you, I can about guarantee that it will be founded, and if you were in my state, that means going on the child abuse state registry and criminal charges.

As for the contempt charges, you've got it coming for denying him his parenting time.  So he's 'just a visitor' in your child's life, is he?  Would you like to be considered the same?  If he is living locally, there is NO reason why you cannot have 50/50 physical custody.  

You may not realize this, but since you and your ex live in separate homes, you child has TWO homes now, one with each of her parents.

Wait a minute...........  You know, I'm almost getting the impression that this is a troll, because EVERYTHING you describe that you've done is EXACTLY the opposite of what you should be doing..........IF you cared for your child.  Go look in the mirror, lady.  You will see exactly what you think your ex is and has done.  He only has his child's best interests at heart, wanting to be involved in his child's life and wanting to take care of her properly and TIMELY.  Can't say the same for you, tho.  Serves you right if you lose custody and if your ex comes to this site, I'd tell him he should go for FULL custody.

POS's like you really piss me off.  Try 'visiting' your child sometime and see how YOU like it...............

[lisbeth]

First off I didn't feel like my child was in danger of sepcis. I had the infection under control. Second, if my ex really cared about my daughter he wouldn't have move half way across the country when she was 3 years old. I feel like he abandoned her and didn't try hard enough to get the military to let him stay here. I could not move on my own to where he was as I could not afford it. If he really loved my daughter then he wouldn't have started this modification. He would just leave us alone. I love my daughter. I am here for her 24 hours a day. He is not here. He chose that for himself. I'm the one that takes her to school and makes sure she does her homework. If I let him visit her during the week he wonld not make she she did her homework. You can be sure of that. I am only looking out for my dd's education. Which by the way he doesn't seem too concerned with.

Lis

[lisbeth]

I do want my daughter to have a relationship with he dad. He, until recently, didn't seem like he wanted a relationship with my daughter. If he had wanted a relationship he would have found a way to make the military keep him close to her. For all intents and purpose he removed himself from her life and then expected to just come right back and pick it up. How can that be good for any child?

[Kitty C.]

Don't know much about the military, do you?  you don't ask them where you'd like to go, they TELL you where to go, and you do NOT question it.  Trust me, as involved as he is now, I can guarantee you he'd have given anything to have been as involved during that time, but they just wouldn't let him.

He did NOT remove himself from her life, he was forced away from it by the military.  So now you want to be judge, jury, and executioner and continue to drive a wedge between them?  I hope he gets full custody, cuz you certainly do not deserve it.

[Sherry1]

if he would have quit his job and was unable to pay CS, then you would be telling us you are denying visitation because he couldn't pay CS. I really don't know if you are for real or not, but bottom line is YOU do not want your daughter to have a relationship with her dad.  I will tell you if you keep up this behavior, you could lose custody.  How would you feel if your daughter lived with her dad and had "visitation" with you?

[Sherry1]

Are you remarried?  Between CS and some other income you can stay home.  If you loved your daughter then you would follow the court order so she could have are relationship with her dad.  In your case, which I call "Planet Mommy Syndrome", I hope dad wins his modification so he has a chance to counteract the "PAS" you are inflicting on your daughter.

[lisbeth]

You know I really didn't know that was how it worked. He told me when he joined that he would be stationed at Ft. Gordon in Augusta which is not very far for my home. When he finished with basic he told me that he would be stationed in TX. I thought he got to choose since he said he was going to be in GA and then changed his mind to TX. I do know that his wife told me that he was offered a high paying job with a defence contractor in TX raython or something like that. But, as his wife said, he didn't take it and instead took a lower paying job in GA to be closer to my daughter. I guess it didn't click at the time but you might be right.

[Kitty C.]

Obviously he IS concerned, or he wouldn't be trying so hard to be involved.  But you keep doing everything within your power to make sure they can't have a relationship.

'First off I didn't feel like my child was in danger of sepcis.'  And what medical training do you have to back that up???  You got some magical machine that can see into wounds and be able to tell???  What a crock of $hit.

Like I said, he had NO control on where he went in the military.  He did NOT abandon her, because it's obvious he saw her as much as he possibly could, within the constraints of active duty.

So you want to be 'left alone', just you and your child?  Mark my words, lady.  Some day your actions now will come back to bite you in the ass HARD.  More than likely when your daughter gets old enough to tell you to go to hell for depriving her of her father.

Let me guess, your parents were divorced and your mother always told you what a bastard your father was........and you believed her without question.  But if you look just a LITTLE closer, you will be able to tell your father loved you dearly and did everything he could, with the mommy-biased court system and a vindictive mother tying his hands, to try to see you, love you, and be with you.  Gee, just like child abuse, it travels from generation to generation.

And you call yourself a 'mother'.  What a joke.  Go someplace else where someone gives a shit.............

[lisbeth]

I do stay home. I have cronic fatigue and am on SSI. My dd and I live with my mother. My parents are divorced and I do receive CS from ex. I am not remarried. What is PAS? I have never head that before.

[sweetnsad]

Sorry Lisbeth...this whole story stinks.  You are exactly the reason why fathers come to this site and others like it....cause the mother of their children is inflicting this crap on them.  You have NO right to keep him from her....nor do you have the right to want him to "leave you and YOUR daughter" alone.  She's his daughter too, remember?  He has as much right, to see her as you do.  Especially now, since you see fit to put her innocent little life in danger by not giving her the proper meds for a serious infection.    Treat YOURSELF as an organic monkey if you wish, but leave your daughter out of it.  A good mother would know this.

Please, do yourself and your daughter a favor and follow that court order....allow him his RIGHTS as a father to see his daughter.....otherwise, when she's old enough to tell you to go to he!! for what you've done, you'll have deserved every miserable moment.

[sweetnsad]

Parental Alienation Syndrome....read up on it.  It's the very thing you're inflicting on your daughter at this moment.

[Sherry1]

daughter to have a relationship with my daughter".  "She is my child and my child only".  "She only does what I tell her."  "She will only go to visit daddy if I say".  "I want him to leave me along."  "If he loved her he wouldn't do a modification to see her more".  BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...

If you do not work, if you have chronic fatigure syndrome and if you do not have your own place and you are denying visitation, you could lose custody.  It might be the best thing for your daughter.

[Kitty C.]

I called that one!!!!!!!!!!!  Lady, you are SO transparent, it's downright silly.  Tell you what, read up on this site, EVERYTHING, think back to what kind of relationship you had with your own dad (and the one you WISH you would have had), and try REALLY hard to put yourself in your ex's shoes and see if you don't do a complete reversal of attitude.

We are not pro-daddy here, we are PRO-CHILD.  Luckily, I came from an intact family and had a father whom I worshiped the ground he walked on.  We lost him in 1991 and I grieve for him EVERY day.  My own son lost his father to cancer 2 years ago and the hole in his heart is big enough to drive a semi thru.  We BOTH know just how important BOTH parents are to a child's life.  That's why the good LORD made us the way He did, because a child NEEDS both influences in order to grow up healthy and well-rounded.

Wanna statistic that'll curl your hair?  Girls who grow up without their fathers in their lives are more likely to be promiscuous and have teen pregnancies.  Probably because they crave the love and attention they never got from their fathers.  And had no male influence to guide themselves.  There ARE some things that mothers canNOT teach.  You want THAT for your daughter????

[lisbeth]

WOW! I didn't see that coming. I never knew such a thing existed. So you think this is actually hurting my dd. I don't want to do that. I honestly thought I was protecting her. IS there any way to fix this? Have I already done too much damage to keep some custody? If he wins will I still get visitation? Man....I feel just....awful.

What do I do now?

Maybe you're right maybe she would be better off with him. He has a nice house and his other children seem very happy and well behaved. I feel like I totally screwed myself.

[kitten]

First off, how do you know the infection was under control?  Are you a Dr.?  Second, if your ex really didNOT care about your daughter, he would not be trying to have equal time with her now.  You "feel" like he abandoned her and you "feel" like he didn't try hard enough?  I "feel" like YOU did not try hard enough to move where he was stationed.  How do you know what he is concerned with in regards to YOUR daughter?  You won't allow them to have a relationship.  He obviously was concerned enough about her health to give her the proper care for her infection.  When my daughter was 13 mo. old, she almost died from a staph infection that started in a tiny sore on her thumb.  When her thumb first started looking red and a little puffy, I took her to her Dr. and he gave me an antibiotic ointment "just in case" and of course I used it according to the Rx and 2 days later, she had a rash covering almost her entire body, was lethargic and in so much pain she could not even cry.  She had a very rare form of staph called Scalded Skin Syndrome.  Infections are no joke, but your magic potions are.  Let me guess...you're also a liberal, tree hugging, mushroom juice drinking, ear candling, living off the state, man hating, femenazi vegan.  You should be charged with neglect.  Thank God your child has a father like him.  You are using her as a pawn to maintain control.  You are there for her 24 hours a day? really?  You don't work?Who supports her financially?  I'm sure her Daddy would love to be able to take her to school, but he has financial responsibilities and has to work.  Do you understand that without him, you would not have this beautiful little girl at all?  Do you also understand that when you opened your legs and got pregnant that that tied you to him forever and you have a responsibility to your child to ensure that she has the right to a positive relationship with BOTH parents?  I don't think you get it.  I fear for your daughter's well-being if her father does not win equal time with her.  

[Kitty C.]

You really want to know what you can do???  If he lives that close, he and your child both deserve 50/50 physical custody.  Your child deserves to have BOTH of you equally in her life.  YES, what you're doing is hurting your child!  But hopefully if you turn things around now, there will be very little collateral long term damage.

You have a LOT of fence mending to do.  On this site you will find sample parenting plans.  Check them over and tailor one to fit the needs of your child, your ex, and you.  Start communicating OFTEN with your ex.  Pass on everything about her, whether it be about school, any doctor's visit, extra-curricular activities, etc.

You and your ex may not be together anymore, but you DO have a child together, so that means you both will be in each other's lives in some shape or form at least until your child reaches the age of majority.  If you don't get along, treat it as a business deal, taking as much of the emotion out of it as possible.  

And KEEP YOUR CHILD OUT OF THE MIDDLE!  Never, under ANY circumstances do you ever tell her about the legalities of her custody.  She is a CHILD, and does not need to know.  She is part you and part her dad.  If you reject your ex actively or passively to her, you are telling her you are rejecting part of her.  You are telling her that part of her is bad.  Is that the message you want her to have?

There is a special bond between girls and their daddies.  I know, I had/have that.  When you are at the end of your life and held accountable for all your actions, I hope, for your child's sake, that you can say with an honest heart that you did EVERYTHING you could to make that happen.

Anyone ever tell you that having children is a sacrifice?  This is it.  From here on out, put your child ABOVE your needs and feelings.

[kitten]

Yes, if she does not die from one of your potions, she will grow up and out of your life for doing this to her.  And yes, you will have deserved every miserable moment.  

[kitten]

You need psychological help.  You feel awful?  About what exactly?  

[Peanutsdad]

People, read all lisbeths posts,, methinks you got bit by a troll.

[wendl]

Come on--you don't get to pick where you are stationed at  if the military says your going to xx place then that is where you are going PERIOD.

You will loose that child if you continue to deny the father his court ordered visitation, that is contempt and legally the courts if they don't reverse custody to him could require that all those days you denied him be made up.

Its not confusing to a child to have to go to his mother/fathers mid week, my neighbor is a custodial dad, basically they have 50/50 for the past 8 yrs their son goes to moms Wed at 6pm and returns to dad Sunday at 6pm, then dad gets child from sunday thru the next Wed etc.

Their son knows it as a routine, just takes time and you need to help your child with the transition.

Suggestion if mid weeks are not good for both of you why not do true 50/50 say mom gets daughter Sunday6pm-Sunday at 6pm then next week dad does, this way the're wouldn't be interuptions during the week, the child could reside with EACH parent for one week including weekends.

As for neglect, if you wouldnt use what the DR prescribed, why did you waste your money going to the DR if you thought you could cure it without antibiotics?? I am not one for giving my child more meds than he needs, in reality my son usually only sees his Dr once a year for a physical and the neuro 2x a year to monitor his blood etc.

I would suggest getting your act straightend out and work with  dad or  you would loose what you have and be reduced to a (visitor) every other weekend mom liek most men are now.

[wendl]

"Second, if my ex really cared about my daughter he wouldn't have move half way across the country when she was 3 years old"

>>>he had an obligation to the military he wasn't HIS choice to be station where they stationed him ITS the MILITARIES choice>>>>


"I feel like he abandoned her and didn't try hard enough to get the military to let him stay here. "

>>>That is your belief, you cannot change the mind of the military ITS their way PERIOD>>>

"If he really loved my daughter then he wouldn't have started this modification. He would just leave us alone"

>>>If he DIDN't care he would let it slide, but he DOES.>>>

"I am here for her 24 hours a day. He is not here. He chose that for himself."

>>>If you are their 24hrs a day I take it you don't work, how do you support your duaghter or are you living off your childs child support>>>>


"I'm the one that takes her to school and makes sure she does her homework"

>>>What do you want a brownie button, I work fulltime and still find time to help my son with homework, baseball etc"


"If I let him visit her during the week he wonld not make she she did her homework"

>>>If you LET him visit, he is court orded visitation its NOT UP TO YOU.  What dad can't help her do her homework that is a bunch fo BS>>>
 I am only looking out for my dd's education. Which by the way he doesn't seem too concerned with."

>>Then let her grow as an individual, let dad help out, and in your 1st post you say your showed your daughter the modification paperwork SHAME ON YOU, now if you ex knew where this site was he could print that out and use it AGAINST you in court as children ARE NOT suppose to be talked to about ADULT issues.>>>>

"
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[janM]

That was my first impression too. All the stuff that would make us cringe...

[kitten]

If we did get bit by a troll, shame on the person who thinks it's funny.  Shame on the person who thinks the real life tragedy of children being taken away from their fathers is something to joke about!

[joni]

Lady, or whoever you are, you are a sicko.  I hope you got off on posting here.  Now crawl back into the hole that you came from.

Remember, what goes around, comes around.  You get off on torturing the people on this board with your lies.

One day, this mockery of yours, will come back to bite you in the a$$.

[SLYarnell]

it took ALL those posts for someone to call her a troll...*L*  About two is all it should have taken!

[Kitty C.]

'Wait a minute........... You know, I'm almost getting the impression that this is a troll, because EVERYTHING you describe that you've done is EXACTLY the opposite of what you should be doing..........IF you cared for your child.'

Unfortunately, POS's like her get too easily under my skin...........

[katz]

I didnt read all the responces, but the ones I read didnt point out something.

The courts lean towards giving custody to the parent that will help foster the other parent child relationship. From your post you have failed miserably thus far at fostering their relationship. With the added investigation, and contempt of court you are already facing, you have a significant chance of losing custody of your child. IMO

You should read the "my experience" post, I recently replied to another poster. The CO is not the be all end all, if the NCP wants more time, it should be allowed no matter what the CO (none in my dh's situation) says. The child is important, how many children do we hear about who when they become adults seek out their biological parent? Weather it was an adoption issue, or a divorce issue, does NOT matter. What matters is most kids want a relationship with their biological parents at some point in time (when it will be out of your control!), why allow a gap when it isnt desired or necessary?

[jilly]

You're full of sh*t.  You're husband has no control over what the military makes him do or where he lives. When you sign up with Uncle Sam they own your a$$ until they tell you otherwise.
You're attorney is giving you good advice. You are in violation of the court ordered visitation and you are not looking out for the welfare of your daughter. She very well could have gotten a much worse infection than what she had. The doctor was within his rights to call children's services on you. If you daughter hasn't had to take alot of antibiotics then giving it to her for a skin infection is not going to build up an immunity to it. For your DD's sake I hope your husband gets custody of her. You obviously live on a different planet.

[jilly]

#1 Get a full frontal lobotomy
#2 Bend over...you're about to get screwed

[kitten]

I guess some of us are not as smart as you, SLYarnell.

[SLYarnell]

I missed your post...  I am betting she is from one of our "favorite" sites

[Peanutsdad]

katz,


Yer casting pearls before swine. Read the posts,, this is someone who is vindictive, shallow and loves tormenting people. It's a sham, a bait, a total fabrication.


If I had to venture a guess, it's someone that managed to hoodwink the courts,, and probably pull off a nice cornholing on their ex and is reveling in their own percieved invulnerability.