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Author Topic: Need feedback  (Read 7320 times)

Amy_in_MA

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Need feedback
« on: Oct 29, 2006, 08:13:55 PM »
What do CPs and NCPs think constitutes facilitating a relationship with the other parent?

I had a very upsetting discussion with my son's father tonight because he says I have done nothing to facilitate his relationship with his son. Our son is 5...will be 6 in January. I have always been flexible with times, dates, offered more time, etc. He has always taken less than is offered in terms of time with our son. I have always talked positively to our son about his dad, encouraged son to call dad when he mentions him, etc. I've suggested to dad numerous times that he give son a call once or twice a week. Dad basically says he doesn't have any time to call between visits (not even a 1 or 2 minute call once or twice week to say hello to son), that it goes both ways (I do encourage son to call), and that it's my job to tell son to call him. Dad says that basically I have given nothing, that it was my choice to be a single parent (he didn't recall our conversation when I first found out I was pregnant regarding termination and he urged me not to because he said we'd never get through it as a couple, and that somehow we would make it work and be a family).

All of this came about because of his realization that he's been a shitty father (his words) and he wants to do better. As such, he wants more time with son (just two months ago he reduced his once every two weeks day visit from 9 to 7 hours because son was so unhappy being there and he said it wasn't fair to the other kids that this one child is so unhappy/miserable there). So, in order to have more time with son, he needs to work less hours...as such, he wants to reduce child support. Last year, same time, we had this discussion and we agreed to a reduced amount of support without him taking back his first ex-wife to reduce her order (which effects mine). This time I told him he needed to take her back first and get her's reduced before I would agree to another reduction based on the new figures.

His idea of me "giving" something to facilitate their relationship means agreeing to less child support and doing the driving since he moved away (45 minutes each way...he used to live 10 minutes away and moved after son was born). I really do feel that I have bent over backwards (there's more history than I can even give just here of how I've tried to be supportive of their relationship)...but I wonder what people think constitutes facilitating a relationship with the other parent. I also work two jobs, like he does. My free evening daycare so I could work the second job was my mom, who passed away unexpectedly in May. So the costs of working that second job have gone up. The current support order covers about half of the daytime daycare and afterschool care costs. He's in arrears (about $1700 now) and owes his half on about $800 of uninsured medical expenses (so $400). I'm just really shocked that his perception is that I have given nothing and done nothing to facilitate his relationship with his son...I think I have.

So, the question stands, what constitutes facilitating a relationship with the NCP?

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

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"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler


LAK

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Amy.....
« Reply #1 on: Oct 30, 2006, 06:29:27 AM »
You answered your own question in the first paragraph.  You have gone ABOVE AND BEYOND with everything in regards to your son and his dad.  You have done way more than most.  

DO NOT agree to a reduction again.  Remember how he lied last time about his income.  Also, as far as the driving, the MOST I would offer is the receiving parent pick up.  And that is being generous since he moved.

Stick to your guns and don't let that scumbag make you question your actions.  You are an excellent mom and don't you ever think any different.

Other than that, how are you doing?  I still can't believe my dad is gone.  I thought about him a lot yesterday.  You have my email.  

sgl

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Hi Amy in MA...
« Reply #2 on: Oct 30, 2006, 06:46:47 AM »
I think you've done a fine job of facilitating the relationship.  The emotional willingness is key to everything.  By displaying a positive attitude about ex in front of your son, and by being willing to increase the time they spend together, you have done a great deal to facilitate the father-son relationship.  

Could you do more?  Perhaps - but only as part of a parenting team, and your ex is not doing *his* fair share of teamwork.  For example, you could share the driving (that would ideal if all other things were equal) - but there is no reason for you to do this unless ex is paying his fair share of raising your son through CS.  He is not being a good team player, so there is no incentive for you to go the extra mile.

Child support is not supposed to be linked to visitation, and I'm not suggesting that.  I know you have not "withheld" visitation based on arrears, nor should you.  But there is no reason you should spend extra funds (for gas) and your time driving your son to visit ex if ex is not paying what is court-ordered to help raise your son.  

I think he is being very petty in asking you to lower support as a "trade" for him spending more time with your son.  It is a form of emotional blackmail, in my opinion.  He knows you want your son to have a good relationship with his Dad and he's hoping you'll agree to lower support in order to make that happen.  

I think it is very telling that your ex cut the number of hours that your son spent at his home because "your son was unhappy there."  Instead of dickering about money vs. hours, I think your ex should spend some time figuring out why your son was unhappy there, and what he and his family can do to fix that.

One final point - although it is unjust and unfair for ex to be suggesting that you have not made an effort, I would advise you to try very hard to let go of any desire to make him realize he is wrong.  He doesn't care if he's right or wrong - his approach is a bullying tactic to try to save some money.  

I hope you are well and (other than this...) happy.  
Sue


Amy_in_MA

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RE: Amy.....
« Reply #3 on: Oct 30, 2006, 06:51:04 AM »
Well, I've offered two things. One is to reimburse him for the money he isn't being paid for working in the "extra" time he wants to take Zachary provided he is current with that month's child support and actually takes the time with Zachary. Second, I have offered to do the pick up end. I can almost guarantee that he won't go for the first suggestion...I realize this is truly all about money for him...it has nothing to do with the relationship with his son, otherwise why would he fight so tooth and nail about calling his son once a week? Why would he refuse to try the overnights again, or even take back the longer hours he had up until a few months ago? He can take me to court. I have made that clear.

It's almost been 6 months since my mom died. I still have my times when it doesn't seem real. Last night, all I could do was cry because I wished she had been here to talk to me, listen to me, because she's really the only other person who has been here first-hand for all the crap that R has pulled with regards to child support and visitation. I missed her very profoundly last night. My friend who lost her dad 3 days before my mom died, she and I have been talking about how much more acute it is right now...probably in large part because of the upcoming holidays, and my mom's birthday was November 12th. It's a hard time of year to begin with, you know?

Hang in there LAK...I know it's hard and painful. :(

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

Amy_in_MA

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RE: Hi Amy in MA...
« Reply #4 on: Oct 30, 2006, 06:54:14 AM »
Hi Sue. Yes, it is emotional blackmail. I had to hear from him last night how he doesn't even get to see his wife until 9 or 10 at night because he's working two jobs. I made no comment, even though that's really none of my concern. See my reply to LAK in what I have offered him...yes, I know it's ridiculous to offer to pay him to see his son. What excuse does this leave him though, not to spend some one on one time with him (which I think would probably go a long way towards helping their bond)? None.

I'm hanging in there. Quite ready, already, for the holidays to be behind us. I hope you are doing well also. :)

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler


dsm

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It does seem to go in cycles, doesn't it?
« Reply #5 on: Oct 30, 2006, 08:07:01 AM »
He is good for this time of year to get on the bandwagon of "I want to do better by Z, and need your help to do that."  And then, he twists things around so that you start to second-guess everything you have been doing/are doing in taking care of Z as well as making sure that he has access to him.  I am proud of you for standing up this year and saying 'no' to the reduction in the support without him going to the other mom as well.  Continue to stand your ground.  You are doing and have always given him ample opportunity to be involved with Z's life.  You have bent over to be sure that he was included on things.  How he chooses to do things is on him - not on you.  

Your question of facilitating the relationship.....hon, it's everything you are already doing.  You encourage Z to call him, you have him go even when Z is anxious about going (remember the first sleepover?).  It's time for R to stand up and do more on his own.

Keep your chin up.

(((HUGS)))

==============================================================================

dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is.

Amy_in_MA

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RE: It does seem to go in cycles, doesn't it?
« Reply #6 on: Oct 30, 2006, 08:19:15 AM »
You know what really burns me? His first ex and he can both choose to work beneath their earnings capability...he does it because he doesn't want to commute, she does it so she can be there for her kids after school. I'd love to be there for my son after school. I'd love to work 10 minutes from home like he does. Should I quit the job I have and go find one like that, that has me earning much less and as a result, makes me eligible for a higher CS award? Because the courts don't seem to care that he's earning beneath his potential...not one bit.

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

CGS

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RE: Need feedback
« Reply #7 on: Oct 30, 2006, 01:22:41 PM »
He does these things to you because you let him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pointing the finger at you by any means, but I recoginize the behavior.  

My x was/is the exact same wa0y regarding our 5 y/o child. I fianlly reached the point this year where I was either going to have an emotional meltdown or needed to fix the problem.  I began going to counseling for myself, and it has been extremely helpful!

One activity my counselor had me do was to pull out my calendars for the past 5 years (I'm sure you have them too.. the ones you use to document phone calls etc) and list all of the things I've done for x out of good will. For example:
1) x's bday, had child make card and cake to take over
2) x's family had a party I heard about, called x to see if child could go
3) took may day baskets over
4) child had a great day at preschool, had child call x to tell about it
etc/etc

It helped me to see that I am working hard to facilitate childs relationship w/ x and gave my counselor and I talking points on what activities meant the most to x and child and which ones were wasted energy on my part.

It is hard dealing with an x like yours, trust me I've battled this for 5 long years.  But the best thing I have learned through my counseling is that I can't control x's behavior and it's not my fault x isn't always the best parent they can be.  

If you agree to this reduction in child support, and basically pay your x to spend time with his child, you are buying into his self pity party and encouraging him to continue this poor behavior towards you.  

If I were you I would say no, and go on about your business. You have nothing to lose.  You already are responsible to raise your child more or less on your own, so what can he do in retaliation? See your child even less? What's less than nothing?

Stay strong, and stand your ground.  Child support ensures your child has a parent.. Reducing it means you will have to work more to make it up and your child will see both parents less.. there is no way that is in the best interest of your child.

Amy_in_MA

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RE: Need feedback
« Reply #8 on: Oct 30, 2006, 01:35:56 PM »
I appreciate the feedback. I've been in counseling for many years actually, and I see my counselor this Wednesday evening. No doubt, she will reinforce and remind me of the things that I've done. It's just so hard to grasp his view of reality and what I have and haven't done. It's astounding really. It reminds me really of just how pathological he really is. I don't think he'll accept my offer anyway...I mean, that would put the responsibility on him...he'd have to take the visits to get reimbursed. I don't believe it's about time with our son at all to him...I believe it's all about money.

I've also worked really hard to get to the point where, when daycare is completely done and it's only after school care that I need for our son, whether I receive child support or not I can make the bills. It will mean our son does with a lot less, but nothing that will make or break his life. I will be glad for the day when I can tell his dad "go ahead, keep your money...NOW what will be your excuse?"

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

Stirling

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RE: Need feedback
« Reply #9 on: Oct 30, 2006, 02:13:21 PM »
Hi Amy,

I'm glad to see you around, I have missed you and think of you often.  I hope all is well with you and Z.

Don't listen to what your Ex says.  It sounds like he doesn't want to take responsibility for the natural consequences of his choices and is looking for someone else to blame.  Not only have you bent over backwards to help your Ex facilitate a relationship with Z, but you have been doing cart-wheels!  I would keep doing what you have been doing.  Also, CS and his parenting are two separate issues and should be treated as such.  The truth is he is the only one that can create and maintain a relationship with Z.  You cannot do this for him.  If you could he would already have a close relationship with Z.  Again he is looking to blame others for his poor choices.

It sounds like he is using his lack of relationship as a (stupid) reason to try and get you to reduce CS yet again.  Given his track record he probably wouldn't increase his involvement with Z even if he got a reduction.  

Kitty C.

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RE: Need feedback
« Reply #10 on: Oct 30, 2006, 08:30:03 PM »
'I'm just really shocked that his perception is that I have given nothing and done nothing to facilitate his relationship with his son...'  It's not 'his perception', Amy.  It's his way of trying to get his way and only that.  You have gone above and beyond to fascilitate their relationship.  If he's told you he's a shitty father, that's where all this BS is coming from..........GUILT!  It's bad enough that he has all this guilt and he can't take responsibility for it, so he's trying to pass it on to you.

Don't let him, stick to your guns, and if he happens to turn tail, then so be it.  You cannot MAKE him change, only he can do that.  Yes, unfortunately your DS will suffer, but all you can do is try to soften the blow somewhat.  But stand strong and KNOW you've done your child well!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

Amy_in_MA

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RE: Need feedback
« Reply #11 on: Oct 31, 2006, 07:00:38 AM »
I just need to learn to laugh at him when he calls with stuff like this instead of taking it to heart. Thanks Stirling.

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

Amy_in_MA

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RE: Need feedback
« Reply #12 on: Oct 31, 2006, 07:01:06 AM »
I plan to keep doing what I've been doing. Thanks Kitty.

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

dsm

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Ah, maybe it doesn't seem to matter to the court
« Reply #13 on: Oct 31, 2006, 07:31:41 AM »
But you know what?  You are setting a great example for Z in your work ethic and giving him a good life.  I'd love to be there when my kids get out of school too.  But the fact of life is that my income is needed in order for us to have a roof over our head, food in the refrigerator, and a vehicle to get around with.  I hope that my kids see me as a mom who steps up to the plate and supports them emotionally as well as physically.

Hang in there.  

==============================================================================

dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
------------------
3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh
dsm - 44
DH - 48
SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is.

Genie

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you have done everything you can do to make him part of son's life.  It has been his choice to continue having children with each GF afterwards and getting himself into this situation.  His situations are his fault.

That being said.  I wouldn't give him another reduction. I know your history and you have done this several times.  You can't sacrifice your DS's care anymore to help him pay his bills.

Tell him he can have as much visitation he wants as he had before and as you offered before.  Maybe agree that he can pick up son and you can pick him up from his house.  But don't let him continually guilt you about money.  Your DS needs that money just as much as his OD, and other children do.  

Don't let him make you think otherwise.  I would tell him straight forward when he brings this up again:  "I have done everything I can to make you a part of DS's life. Just because you have chosen to not see him as much as I have asked and offered doesn't mean it is my fault. IT IS YOURS!!!  I am a good Mother and do not want you to ever try to tell me otherwise again."

Period.  Let him figure out how to pay his own bills.  

boilergal

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Amy...
« Reply #15 on: Nov 01, 2006, 01:20:49 PM »
I believe you've done more than facilitate the relationship.  You've offered numerous options to him in the past to give him time with Z.

If it's about the relationship, then the phone call should not be an issue.

Offer him this...

Once regular twice weekly phone calls (by him and not you/Z) become part of the norm, you will be open to discussion of appropriate reduction of CS to increase time (but as you said, needs to go through the first x initially)

Regular increased time will occur for a minimum of x weeks upon which time reduction will go into effect...

Or some other such BS...Amy, he's so full of sh**

I'm sorry that you and Z are continuing to be hurt by him (I know you're hurt when Z gets hurt)

Hugs to you

Erika

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First let me say..
« Reply #16 on: Nov 01, 2006, 04:42:47 PM »
That you are greatly missed, you know where..

Secondly, I am of the mind set with 'R' that if you give an inch, he will take a mile. As you said, you have done everything possible to make sure your son has a good relationship with his father. But Amy, it is not all your job to do this, he has to meet half way and become a good dad and I don't think that will ever happen.

How can he possibly think lowing his CS and you doing more driving will make him a better dad or make his relationship with his son 'better'?

Why should you sacrifice for his shortcomings.

junglechicken

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RE: I see.
« Reply #17 on: Nov 01, 2006, 09:09:55 PM »
He's projecting his guilt.  That's all.

But, to answer your question, I think "facilitating the relationship with the other parent" is allowing the child to have that relationship.  Allowing the child to talk to the other parent on the phone, to go to special family events of the other parent's that may be on the child's time with you, not making a huge stink if the other parent wants to chaperone the field trip.  That kind of thing.

Also gently reminding the child of things like the other parent's birthday constitutes "facilitating the relationship", although to me that's not the main thing.

But "making" the child call, etc...no, that's not it.

Kimberly9

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Hi Amy
« Reply #18 on: Nov 02, 2006, 06:12:57 AM »
Miss you!

You know that you have done more than enough to facillitate his relationship.  He really is just whining.

Keep putting your son first and everything will be ok!


Amy_in_MA

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RE: Amy...
« Reply #19 on: Nov 03, 2006, 05:50:56 AM »
That was my same thought...that if it was truly about improving the relationship, the phone call wouldn't be an issue, taking back the time he has given up wouldn't be an issue, whether son is happy or not during that time. I haven't gotten any reply or follow-up to my email offers. Guess I'll see him tomorrow at pick-up.

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

Amy_in_MA

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RE: First let me say..
« Reply #20 on: Nov 03, 2006, 05:56:40 AM »
In his mind, because it would reduce his need to work and therefore, have more time for son. I don't think he'd use it anyway, which is why I offered him what I did. I will reimburse him for lost wages if he's current on support and actually takes time to be with son that he would normally be working. Not surprisingly, he hasn't accepted that offer because it puts the responsibility on him to follow through.

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

Amy_in_MA

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RE: I see.
« Reply #21 on: Nov 03, 2006, 05:58:51 AM »
Well, I've probably fallen short on the birthday thing. I will remind Zachary and ask if he wants to buy/make a card for dad but the answer is usually no. Maybe it shouldn't be asked as much as "hey, it's dad's birthday, time to make a card." I don't know. It's hard for me to muster that up...I know Rob doesn't do that with him for me...then again, he doesn't see him enough to do that anyway.

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

Amy_in_MA

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Thanks Kim. :) n/m
« Reply #22 on: Nov 03, 2006, 05:59:07 AM »

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

Jade

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RE: Need feedback
« Reply #23 on: Nov 05, 2006, 09:43:23 AM »
You have done more than your share to facilitate a relationship between them.  

It is the father's responsibility to do his share.  He is trying to put all of that responsibility on you.  Don't let him.

As for the child support, I wouldn't agree to less should he ask again.  And if he takes you to court to modify, be sure to note that daycare expenses have gone up since your mother passed away.  


junglechicken

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RE: that's all you need to do, imho.
« Reply #24 on: Nov 05, 2006, 09:33:41 PM »
Nope, you're doing your job.  GOOD = "Z, it's Dad's birthday - wanna make a card?"  BAD = "Mom, can I make a card for dad's birthday?"  "No.  Dad's a scum-sucking leech who doesn't deserve a birthday card from you."

Rob should be kissing the ground you walk on.

Jade

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RE: Need feedback
« Reply #25 on: Dec 03, 2006, 07:49:32 AM »
>I appreciate the feedback. I've been in counseling for many
>years actually, and I see my counselor this Wednesday evening.
>No doubt, she will reinforce and remind me of the things that
>I've done. It's just so hard to grasp his view of reality and
>what I have and haven't done. It's astounding really. It
>reminds me really of just how pathological he really is. I
>don't think he'll accept my offer anyway...I mean, that would
>put the responsibility on him...he'd have to take the visits
>to get reimbursed. I don't believe it's about time with our
>son at all to him...I believe it's all about money.
>
>I've also worked really hard to get to the point where, when
>daycare is completely done and it's only after school care
>that I need for our son, whether I receive child support or
>not I can make the bills. It will mean our son does with a lot
>less, but nothing that will make or break his life. I will be
>glad for the day when I can tell his dad "go ahead, keep your
>money...NOW what will be your excuse?"
>
>--------------------
>
>Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become.
>Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your
>ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
>
>     ~ James Allen

Don't tell his father to keep the money.  Take the child support.  His father has an obligation to support his child, both financially and emotionally.  You can't force him to do the emotional part.  But you can with the financial part.  Your son deserves that support.  Don't deprive him of that.  

Amy_in_MA

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No worries, I won't.
« Reply #26 on: Dec 05, 2006, 12:41:24 PM »
But it will be nice for me to be in a position that if he tries to lord the money over my head it doesn't phase me because I know we'll be ok.

Oh, and my email offer to do half the driving (each parent does their own pick up) and reimburse him for compensation lost/not earned by spending additional time with our son? He never accepted, though I know he received it.

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

Emma

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Hi AMy
« Reply #27 on: Dec 06, 2006, 06:35:29 AM »
We miss you on the other board.

Regarding your question- you know the answer. You have done more than humanely possible to facilitate the relationship between R and Z.  R is a jackass and blaming you for his shortcomings-- and if you doubt yourself, you're allowing him to win.  Don't. YOU know you've done as much as you can. Even if you were try to do more, it won't be enough and it will still be your fault.

I'd work more with Z on helping him realize that not everyone will be there for him like Mommy is.  It's something I'm trying to work on with SD- she can't rely on her mother like she should be able to. Same things seems to stand with Z for his father.

There really is only so much you can do.  HE has to want to do it. Instead it seems like he wants to make you a scapegoat. Don't let him.

Amy_in_MA

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Thanks Emma.
« Reply #28 on: Dec 06, 2006, 08:53:45 AM »
I have given R the opportunity to have more time with Z and I will pay him for hours lost from work. He hasn't taken me up on it. I have offered to do half the driving. He hasn't taken me up on it. He has no complaints to make about me...and I know it now. :)

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen
"Continue to share your heart with people, even if it's been broken." ~ Amy Poehler

 

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