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Author Topic: Adopting a step child  (Read 10361 times)

cuphalffull

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Adopting a step child
« on: Feb 13, 2004, 04:58:51 AM »
I'm new to this board....my husband passed away 4 years ago..my children were 7 and 10...now 11 (12 in Aug) and 14 (15 in May.). My new husband would like to be a father in every sense of the word...including adoption. (I live in PA). Anyone with experience with this...would this affect their receiving their social security payments from their father's death. Any help appreciated. Thanks


Peanutsdad

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #1 on: Feb 13, 2004, 05:00:58 AM »
If your new husband adopts,, the SS stops. They no longer qualify as "orphans" because they once again have 2 living parents.

cuphalffull

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #2 on: Feb 13, 2004, 05:19:17 AM »
Thanks for your prompt reply. That makes me very sad....that I have to make that choice. I've been using a lot of that to save for their college educations and can't stop receiving those payments. Perhaps the answer is to wait till they're 18 (when the social security stops) and just make their step dad their legal guardian for now....would that be different than proceeding with adoption now.  Thank you!!!

Indigo Mom

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #3 on: Feb 13, 2004, 08:52:45 AM »
Allow me to bring one sentence from your first post...

-----My new husband would like to be a father in every sense of the word...including adoption. -----

If this is the case, the biological fathers money wouldn't even be an issue.  "every sense of the word" means just that.  He'll be accepting 100% financial responsibility for them until they turn "of age".  They won't receive their fathers money because a new "legal" father will be established...your husband.  It sounds, to me, like neither one of you are ready to approach the subject of adoption.  Money shouldn't be an issue when it comes to a step parent adoption.  Pure love should.  



-----I've been using a lot of that to save for their college educations and can't stop receiving those payments. -----

This saddens me.  Your husband, who wants these children as his own...still wants to "milk" their biological fathers payments?  How sad.  

I'm sorry if you think I'm being rude...I'm looking at this another way...in that your husband isn't serious about taking these children on 100% as his own.  


Kitty C.

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I understand where you're coming from, Indy, but..........
« Reply #4 on: Feb 13, 2004, 09:51:22 AM »
Since my son collects survivor benefits from his dad as well, I am there, doing that as well.

I really don't see it that way.  Yes, your husband wants to be a father to them 'in every way possible', which includes financially, but that money they receive each month WILL go a long ways to their college educations.  The benefits that DS receives is more than double what I got in CS. And I might sound like a cheapskate as well, but I have NO intention of allowing anyone to adopt him as long as he's getting that benefit, regardless of the financial situations.  Up until a couple months ago, I was trying desperately to save at least part of it for DS's college education as well, but now that we've moved out, I will be forced to use more and more for just living, which is what it's intended for in the first place.

So now, instead of being able to go to college straight from HS, DS will be going into the military instead, to earn his college education that way.  Same goal in mind, just another path we/he have/has to take in order to get there.  And with the enormous expense that college can be (and you have TWO to worry about!), every penny you can get to cover it is a godsend, IMO........

I woudl definitely look into the legal guardianship, tho.  Cuz if something happened to you, your husband would have NO rights whatsoever with them and they would end up wards of the state and put into the foster system, unless some family came forward and fought the state for custody.  Designating a legal guardian is a safeguard against that.  And DO NOT do it with a notarized document only, put it in a WILL, as it will have more 'teeth' to it in courts.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


cuphalffull

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #5 on: Feb 13, 2004, 11:14:34 AM »
First of all, you are being more than rude. I was not looking for your subjective opinion, I was looking for information and possibly other people's experiences. I have not even discussed this issue of money with my husband. It came to my mind, when posting as I was not sure how that (social security ) would be affected. How dare you incinuate that my husband wants to "milk their biological fathers payments". You don't know my husband or myself. My husband not once has ever brought up this matter. Even when we were dating, my husband told me that he wanted me to know that he would adopt my children as he was that committed to us and now that we are a family, we are discussing this more.
Secondly, the amount of money that my children get each month is a substantial amount that will make quite a difference for them when they want to go to school. Their biological father did nothing for them (no disrespect for the deceased intended..it is simply the facts)...if they can benefit from this by having the money to make a difference in their future then I want them to have that. I'm sorry , I don't have unlimited funds somewhere else for them to attend college and we have two other children to take care of as well (my husband's 2 children). How dare you have the audacity to incinuate that we don't have "pure love" or are not ready to approach the topic of adoption. Sorry, but I've been through my house burning down, my husband suddenly and unexpectedly dying at the age of 42, my mother and sisterinlaw having cancer, medical issues of my own, moving, relocating, remarrying and accepting 2 new children into my life as well as the issues and hassles of an ex wife in the last 4 years. I deal with life realistically. How dare you make comments that my husband doesn't take this 100% serioiusly...you don't know what we've discussed...he has like I said never even brought up money. I am the one who wants to be responsible for making sure there is money for them to attend school...I feel that obligation...it's the least their biological father could provide for them, since he didn't give them anything else--again something you know nothing about.
Not that your opinion matters...but my husband is one of the most kindest, respectful, loving man I have ever met...he has opened his heart and taken on the responsibility of raising my children and being the father they never had....a rare breed of man...who will do it ...with or without the adoption.
Anyway, it's a mute point....I called social security office....his adopting them affects their social security in no way what so ever. Because their father died before the adoption will take place...there is no effect. That is their right...their entitlement.  So we will procede with the adoption...and my children will have their college fund and my children will be loved and cared for by 2 parents who are always looking out for their best interest. I was lucky to find one of the good guys still left out there in this cynical world.
 Thanks for making my first visit to this board such a memorable one

cuphalffull

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RE: I understand where you're coming from, Indy, but..........
« Reply #6 on: Feb 13, 2004, 11:25:10 AM »
Kitty,
Thank you so much for understanding...I just wrote a response to Indy. I was not happy with the comments she made, but I guess we are all entitled to our own opinions.
Your comments are exactly what I have been thinking...sorry, but it's a lot of money that my kids could benefit from and my husband agrees with the importance of saving it for their education. If he was trying to "milk their biological father" as Indy incinuates, he would be wanting the money for other things. Anyway, I'm not going to get into that again (you can read that post). I have inquired with Social security and since the survivors claim was made before the adoption will occur...they will continue to receive that money. We do have a will and my husband is named as their guardian if something would happen to me...another committment that he has always been willing to take on.
Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom...I appreciate your post.
God bless and good luck!  

Indigo Mom

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RE: You're right....
« Reply #7 on: Feb 13, 2004, 01:16:31 PM »
I'm in a VERY foul mood today and was "extra" blunt and bold.  For that, I apologize.  (and to think...i'm not even pms'in....)

However, I still stand by my thinking that if he's their "dad" right now...if they love him and he loves them and is willing to accept full responsibility for them...let him adopt them.  Some people say the greatest "gift" you can give another person is a child.  I disagree...I believe it's giving your children to a man or woman who has gone above and beyond the "call of duty" when it comes to children that aren't his/hers.  

Your husband wants this responsibility...give it to him.  Share these children WITH him.  It wouldn't surprise me if this man finds a way to send these kids to school without any help from anyone.  

Peanutsdad

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #8 on: Feb 13, 2004, 06:04:54 PM »
>First of all, you are being more than rude. I was not looking
>for your subjective opinion, I was looking for information and
>possibly other people's experiences. I have not even discussed
>this issue of money with my husband. It came to my mind, when
>posting as I was not sure how that (social security ) would be
>affected. How dare you incinuate that my husband wants to
>"milk their biological fathers payments". You don't know my
>husband or myself. My husband not once has ever brought up
>this matter. Even when we were dating, my husband told me that
>he wanted me to know that he would adopt my children as he was
>that committed to us and now that we are a family, we are
>discussing this more.

In Indys defense, all too often ncp get put thru the wringer for nothing but money. Any time anyone comes to these boards with primarily a money issue, it puts a bad taste in most mouths. We see and try to help far too many parents that are forced into poverty with crushing child support awards, and the only care the cp has ,, is the check gonna be on time you loser!!.



>Secondly, the amount of money that my children get each month
>is a substantial amount that will make quite a difference for
>them when they want to go to school. Their biological father
>did nothing for them (no disrespect for the deceased
>intended..it is simply the facts)...if they can benefit from
>this by having the money to make a difference in their future
>then I want them to have that. I'm sorry , I don't have
>unlimited funds somewhere else for them to attend college and
>we have two other children to take care of as well (my
>husband's 2 children).

Regardless of the amount,, would it have been an issue if it was fifty bux a month?? THATS what a lot of folks here would ask... Besides, do you think any other parent here has the kind of financial security to put children thru college? Despite what you say, the money IS an issue to you, otherwise you would have went thru with the adoption without thought of it. If it went away in light of an adoption, you stated you wouldnt allow an adoption to take place. So before you climb up on your morality high horse,, check your hypocrisy at the door.


How dare you have the audacity to
>incinuate that we don't have "pure love" or are not ready to
>approach the topic of adoption.

Ummm, I believe you already confirmed that issue by stating the adoption wouldnt take place if the surviver bennies went byebye. So, I wont even insinuate a thing, I just call em like I see em. Im more than happy to offer advise or resources to anyone asking,, and Im more than happy to render an opinion when someone posts like a hypocritical ass.



Sorry, but I've been through
>my house burning down, my husband suddenly and unexpectedly
>dying at the age of 42, my mother and sisterinlaw having
>cancer, medical issues of my own, moving, relocating,
>remarrying and accepting 2 new children into my life as well
>as the issues and hassles of an ex wife in the last 4 years.

While I am sorry you have had it rough,, I dont see the relevance to the subject at hand.. Are you looking for a pitypot? Sorry, Im fresh out. I dont even keep one for myself.




 I
>deal with life realistically. How dare you make comments that
>my husband doesn't take this 100% serioiusly...you don't know
>what we've discussed...he has like I said never even brought
>up money. I am the one who wants to be responsible for making
>sure there is money for them to attend school...I feel that
>obligation...it's the least their biological father could
>provide for them, since he didn't give them anything
>else--again something you know nothing about.

Well, facts be known. If a step adopts the children of a living father, he is relieved of the financial obligation to his children. The adoptive parent assumes that obligation. Personally, I am appalled that your dead spouse is not relieved of that obligation. Instead, we the taxpaying public get to continue to provide a check to you.



>Not that your opinion matters...but my husband is one of the
>most kindest, respectful, loving man I have ever met...he has
>opened his heart and taken on the responsibility of raising my
>children and being the father they never had....a rare breed
>of man...who will do it ...with or without the adoption.
>Anyway, it's a mute point....I called social security
>office....his adopting them affects their social security in
>no way what so ever. Because their father died before the
>adoption will take place...there is no effect. That is their
>right...their entitlement.  So we will procede with the
>adoption...and my children will have their college fund and my
>children will be loved and cared for by 2 parents who are
>always looking out for their best interest. I was lucky to
>find one of the good guys still left out there in this cynical
>world.
> Thanks for making my first visit to this board such a
>memorable one



Actually, your kids will have two fathers and a free ride on the taxpayer. Im sure he didnt pay into the ss fund the amount they will collect, thus we get to pay them, you get to scam the public, and you dear respectful hubby gets to dodge the financial obligation.  I do wonder however,, is he aware that he will be liable for child support to you if you divorce him?? Now,, wouldnt THAT be a hoot,, you scammin the public and gettin a cs check from him.

So regardless of your protestations of your pure motive,, it just aint there. I am glad however you got the answers you were looking for.

Good luck,
Signed,
John Q Public

Gordianknot

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #9 on: Feb 14, 2004, 05:56:23 AM »
I'm going to concur with Peanut's sentiments on this one.  It just feels like bad business to receive funds due to their biological father's death while another man becomes legally recognized as your children's father.  The way you are handling this is incredibly cold.

Ultimately what leaves a poor taste in my mouth on what you've posted is that you seem to exercise no self-restraint  when it comes to criticizing the natural father, adding insult to injury by disrespecting his memory while *prospering fiscally* off his death.  Adding to the disrespect, you are seeking to replace him as their "father" legally AND still want their actual father's death benefit (holding him, in death, still responsible as their father)...though you no longer want him considered their father, it appears in life or death.

I'm sorry maybe I'm biased and emotionally reacting to this post because I'm a non-residential mother who knows that my child's father would have NO problems doing EXACTLY what you are doing after the death of the other parent to your child...right, wrong or indifferent...he's either treated as though he is their father in life and death, with all responsibilities that go with it...or he's replaced and released from those responsibilities.  It's a shame the system allows you to have it both ways, taking advantage of a loophole in the SS system.

My prayers are that he rest in peace.


Peanutsdad

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #10 on: Feb 15, 2004, 12:12:34 PM »
Looks like we have seen the last of this poster. As with all too many pbfh,,if she hears something she doesnt like, she turns the channel. The onlt real consolation,, is her dead hubby is probably resting in peace quite well. I find the dead are uniformly disinterested in the affairs of the living. LOL

cuphalffull

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #11 on: Feb 15, 2004, 01:38:58 PM »
Well, you're right in one sense...you have seen the last of this poster. Sorry, I didn't respond to your insensitive post timely enough...looks to me that that was really your intention. ...to criticize someone and belittle them...sounds like a very insecure person who needs to get their jollies in such a fashion. I have better things to do in my life than check every day for responses to a message board...it was Valentines Day yesterday..much more important to spend time with your loved ones than on a computer.
I think it's very sad that all I did was ask a question and for advice...which I thought was the purpose of this board. Instead all I got was ridicule, judgement, and belittlement. The 3 words that come to mind that describe the people that have answered in such a fashion: bitterness, jealousy, and hypocrites.  
I'm sure that there are some very genuine, sensitive, and caring people on this board. I had the unfortunate chance to meet the ones who take out their frustration, unhappiness, and chips they have on their shoulders on other people.
Looks like I'll stick to taking advice from my friends and family...I was naive in thinking I could get solid objective advice from strangers who obviously have issues they haven't dealt with.  I don't know you or feel I owe any of you any more of my time or any more explanation.  Please deal with your own issues before you choose to cast stones at another. People are only looking for advice and help from your experiences. I would think that any one answering a post here would have that intention. Before you start judging someone else...take a long hard look in the mirror.  
I had a wonderful Valentines day with my soul mate and LOML (that's love of my life for those of you who only know the negative abbreviations) and our four children. I only hope that those of you that have so much bitterness in your hearts can find a fraction of the happiness that I have.  You can waste your time and get out your frustrations by answering this post...I won't be reading any more of them.
Good luck and God bless!  

Peanutsdad

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #12 on: Feb 15, 2004, 02:09:03 PM »
Good, and good riddance.

cuphalffull

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #13 on: Feb 15, 2004, 01:38:58 PM »
Well, you're right in one sense...you have seen the last of this poster. Sorry, I didn't respond to your insensitive post timely enough...looks to me that that was really your intention. ...to criticize someone and belittle them...sounds like a very insecure person who needs to get their jollies in such a fashion. I have better things to do in my life than check every day for responses to a message board...it was Valentines Day yesterday..much more important to spend time with your loved ones than on a computer.
I think it's very sad that all I did was ask a question and for advice...which I thought was the purpose of this board. Instead all I got was ridicule, judgement, and belittlement. The 3 words that come to mind that describe the people that have answered in such a fashion: bitterness, jealousy, and hypocrites.  
I'm sure that there are some very genuine, sensitive, and caring people on this board. I had the unfortunate chance to meet the ones who take out their frustration, unhappiness, and chips they have on their shoulders on other people.
Looks like I'll stick to taking advice from my friends and family...I was naive in thinking I could get solid objective advice from strangers who obviously have issues they haven't dealt with.  I don't know you or feel I owe any of you any more of my time or any more explanation.  Please deal with your own issues before you choose to cast stones at another. People are only looking for advice and help from your experiences. I would think that any one answering a post here would have that intention. Before you start judging someone else...take a long hard look in the mirror.  
I had a wonderful Valentines day with my soul mate and LOML (that's love of my life for those of you who only know the negative abbreviations) and our four children. I only hope that those of you that have so much bitterness in your hearts can find a fraction of the happiness that I have.  You can waste your time and get out your frustrations by answering this post...I won't be reading any more of them.
Good luck and God bless!  

Peanutsdad

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #14 on: Feb 15, 2004, 02:09:03 PM »
Good, and good riddance.

Indigo Mom

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RE: Adopting a step child
« Reply #15 on: Feb 15, 2004, 02:23:24 PM »
You have a few things wrong....

-----The 3 words that come to mind that describe the people that have answered in such a fashion: bitterness, jealousy, and hypocrites. -----

I'm not bitter, i'm definitely not jealous of YOU...and a hypocrite?  Ok, sometimes I am...just not on this particular subject.

-----People are only looking for advice and help from your experiences. I would think that any one answering a post here would have that intention. Before you start judging someone else...take a long hard look in the mirror. -----

Considering i'm IN the step parent adoption situation, I felt I should respond.  The difference between you and I?  I would NEVER tell my husband he couldn't adopt because it wouldn't suit me financially.  He wants to be their legal father, he's been their daddy for many years, nothing in the WORLD would make me tell him he couldn't adopt them.  That kind of "power" isn't something I'd like.  Control freaks act like you do, and it wouldn't surprise me if your beloved "soul mate" and "love of your life" isn't around TO adopt them when they turn 18.  People usually leave power and control relationships after a while...then you and YOUR bitterness will be all alone...cept now?  No one will be there to give you money for your kids.  Then what?  Ya can't mooch off welfare when you have adult children.....

I guess I will never understand someone like you...someone who would deny their "soulmate" the one thing he really wants...to be the father to your children.  

The fact that you respond with such anger tells a story about you...one you know is true.  Mefinks your posts are how you truly feel about yourself...yet you project it on to others.  Run along now...back to Planet Mommy...where the money flows free, (at others expense)  the power is overwhelming, (at others expense) and to control others is the goal of everyone (at others expense)...even after death.  







thairagain

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Uhhhh......... I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but.....
« Reply #16 on: Feb 15, 2004, 03:57:41 PM »
I think that this poster was treated a little too harshly.

Let's face it; each and everyone of us have considered the financial reprocusions of a legal decision at one time or another.  Each and everyone of us have griped about or at least questioned the obligation of receiving and/or paying CS for our children for whatever reason (ie.  I think I pay too much; I pay, but the kids wear rags; I receive, but it's too little; I receive, but only sometimes....... yadda yadda yadda). As educated adults who are concerned about the welfare of our children, we TRY to make educated decisions.  I feel that the attempt to make an educated decision was the original poster's main purpose.

I think the original poster asked a very good question!  I, too, were I in her shoes, would have been concerned about the children continuing to receive the death benefits from their natural father in the event of the step father adopting them.  The benefits have been applied to the children in the first place for a reason.  As a mother, it would have been careless of her to do ANYTHING to cause her children to be exempt from that benefit.  

JMHO

thair

kiddosmom

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RE: Uhhhh......... I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but.....
« Reply #17 on: Feb 15, 2004, 05:20:31 PM »
I am with thair on this one. The poster didn't GRIPE about the money ending, she simply asked if it WOULD.
I personally would love to be able to send my children to college.
The poster also said the $$ was going to the childrens college fund,,, not herself. A pbfh gripes that SHE is not getting the money and doesn't mention the children.

Gordianknot

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I'm all for...
« Reply #18 on: Feb 15, 2004, 06:56:20 PM »
making educated decisions for the best interest of my child however I still stand by my position that it is incredibly cold and calculating to try and find ways to gain fiscally from a father whose parenting skills she continues to criticize even in death while wanting to "replace" him as their father.

It never ceases to amaze me how heartless and cold this world has come to...that even the dead aren't respected anymore.

Sure, if you are intellectually looking at it...milk the dead daddy for all he's worth if the system let's you and then take the title of "Dad" away because he's dead.  If you are looking at this emotionally...well, according to my value system...it's just heartless and doing her children a huge disservice in the end.


Peanutsdad

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RE: Uhhhh......... I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but.....
« Reply #19 on: Feb 15, 2004, 08:49:10 PM »
Sorry Thair,, I gotta disagree.

This woman wants her childrens dead father to continue to be milked, while new hubby "adopts" them,, so long as it doesnt stop her gravy train.

Who do you think is footing the bill for her fiscal benefit?? Her dead husband she thinks so little of?? No! You, me, and every other taxpayer.

She wants her new hubby to adopt the kids,, be daddy in everyway,, EXCEPT for relieving the man she wants to no longer BE dad of any financial obligation. That is just wrong. Period. If he were alive and her hubby wanted to adopt,, the stepdad would then assume ALL the financial obligations as well. She still wants the cash, but doesnt want her kids to have him as a father any longer.

As an educated man, it offends me to no end to see this woman get away with skinning the taxpayers because of some loophole. How many tens of thousands will WE pay her ??  So her new hubby can play daddy, and we can pay for dead daddys  obligation. Real good values shes teaching.

Indigo Mom

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RE: Uhhhh......... I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but.....
« Reply #20 on: Feb 16, 2004, 05:18:33 AM »
Here's the thing...

As parents, we have certain rights and responsibilities.  Our rights are parenting time, and all the other "goodies" that come with having children.  Our responsibilities are to support the children.

The father of her children lost his "rights" when he passed on.  But, even in death, he's not "relieved" of his obligation to support them.  That's fine...children usually "do" get social security when they lose a parent.  That's "their" right.  

She has a husband who wants to be the father to these children...in every sense of the word...which means all the rights and responsibilities that come with it.  That's awesome....these children are getting a 2nd chance at having a living father who loves them.

The problem is...she wants their deceased dad to have all the responsibilities, the husband to have all the rights.  You know that's just plain wrong, and also called "having your cake and eating it, too".

If the biological father were living, and she somehow managed to get his rights terminated so a step parent adoption would happen...the biological father would be "relieved" of both rights and responsibilities because the courts would determine the step father to be the legal father....and give him the r & r's.  Biodad would be left alone.  But in death...he's not?  In death, he's also not "forgiven" for all his mistakes..she's still slamming him!  I mean really!!!!  The guy is gone but she won't give up the anger????

You may think she was asking a simple question about social security...but I read between the lines.  She's willing to "choose" money over an adoption.  Who gives a rip whether it's a "substantial" amount...I give a rip about the right thing to do...and that would be to "allow" her husband to be what he wants to be...their father.  Can you imagine yourself telling your hub that he can't adopt your kids because of money?  I most certainly can not.  

This woman is a pit viper.  She got responses she didn't like and went off apeshit sideways...very telling, if you ask me.  Usually people "clear things up" when they get responses they don't "agree with".  Nope, she went all venomous on us, which means we're right (imo) in what we said.  

If you'll notice, I did apologize for going off....she didn't even bother responding...she continued with her venomous attacks.  I think we called it right.....and now that she's "bragging" she'll still get the money after an adoption?  She's gonna get fat eating all that cake.  


Kitty C.

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I'm confused, Indy...........
« Reply #21 on: Feb 16, 2004, 08:33:15 AM »
DS's dad is also gone, and since he worked for many more years and was so close to retirement, DS's survivor benefits are larger than other kids he knows who have lost a parent.  Be that as it may, I can't see where the deceased parent still has an obligation to the child after death.  The parent pays into the SS system all their working life JUST SO THAT their child would be protected financially upon their death.  My son's father does not have any financial responsibility to his son anymore, but SS does, because it is up to SS to see to it that the benefits the worker paid into all those years goes to the survivors it was intended to.

I don't know what the laws of my state are in regards to adoption and loss of benefits, but I DO know that if I would be in that situation, I know for a fact that DS's dad would want that money to continue to come in for DS, if for nothing other than his college education.  DS's dad and I were always vitally concerned with how we were going to help pay for college and even DS's SM told me that if there was a silver lining to his death, it's that we now have something coming is specifically for that.  DS's dad was at least a realist, in that regardless of where I went or whom I was with (unless I married a sugar daddy, NOT!), college would always be a difficult goal.

I will grant you that, from the outside looking in, it DOES look shallow and cheap, but if you barely make it from paycheck to paycheck and you FINALLY have a way to at least partially help with college expenses, I think the parent who is gone would be applauding your actions if seriously considered the circumstances.  I also know that, if the roles were reversed (and I could call back from the grave), I too would demand that they keep those survivor benefits, regardless of adoption status.  What a legacy to leave my child, that thru me he would finally have the opportunity to go to college with MUCH more financial help than any of us had counted on!

I respect many of you who have posted on this thread, but I truly believe in this instance, we're gonna have to agree to disagree........
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

LizaLou1

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A question or 2 for thought
« Reply #22 on: Feb 16, 2004, 01:00:20 PM »
I'm going out on a limb here, so prepare yourself.  Forget everything you know or think you know about the mom.  

If the man's children don't get the SS benefits who does? The government of course.

Was not the original purpose and intent of SS Insurance  (SSI) for the worker himself and/or his family?  I suggest that a father, even in death, would want his children to have his benefits even if they were adopted.

Is it a character flaw for one to get what they paid for, i.e. SSI  or is that "milking the system"?

Would we expect the installment payments from a deceased father's life insurance policy to cease because his children were adopted?

And lastly,

When will the soicalization of Amercia stop being covert?

I have no answers only questions.

LizaLou

sweetnsad

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What do I say??
« Reply #23 on: Feb 16, 2004, 02:42:11 PM »
Well, it seems everyone has gotten their two cents in about this one....I don't even know what to say, but the original poster DID strike something within me and I would like to respond whether she reads this or not.  

To me, money is money....the more you have, the more you want...I'm not well off by any means, we live paycheck to paycheck, but let me tell you, if I had the choice between getting SS from my late husband or having my children brought up by a loving man, I would choose the latter.  To me, that is what's most precious.  Children deserve to have people in their lives that love them very much.  

Also, to hear this woman comment on how her late husband didn't do much for their children when he was alive just leaves me confused.  Why would she want to have her kids continue to collect this money?  It sounds to me like a whole lot of anger and this is her justification.  Make him pay even when he's not here.  That doesn't seem fair and it doesn't honour his memory, no matter how much of a lousy father he may have been.  I mean, he's gone now....let him be...

There is a thing called "student loans", lines of credit, personal loans....a lot of children have to do it because their parents simply don't have the financial means...my children included.  It doesn't make you a bad parent.  

I just don't see how this can be good.  I know my soon to be husband would never allow me to collect SS off my late husband...he would want to provide for them himself...I don't know...it just seems like a "not good" situation...I don't know how you can take anything postive out of it.  


thairagain

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RE: A question or 2 for thought
« Reply #24 on: Feb 16, 2004, 02:44:33 PM »
Very well put, Liza.

I agree w/ you 100%.

thair

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I'm with you on this
« Reply #25 on: Feb 17, 2004, 04:11:37 PM »
and know someone who is doing something very similar to what this poster is asking.  

The TAX PAYERS are being asked to foot the bill when money vs. adoption and social security benefits are all lumped into one subject.



 

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