DS's dad is also gone, and since he worked for many more years and was so close to retirement, DS's survivor benefits are larger than other kids he knows who have lost a parent. Be that as it may, I can't see where the deceased parent still has an obligation to the child after death. The parent pays into the
SS system all their working life JUST SO THAT their child would be protected financially upon their death. My son's father does not have any financial responsibility to his son anymore, but SS does, because it is up to SS to see to it that the benefits the worker paid into all those years goes to the survivors it was intended to.
I don't know what the laws of my state are in regards to adoption and loss of benefits, but I DO know that if I would be in that situation, I know for a fact that DS's dad would want that money to continue to come in for DS, if for nothing other than his college education. DS's dad and I were always vitally concerned with how we were going to help pay for college and even DS's SM told me that if there was a silver lining to his death, it's that we now have something coming is specifically for that. DS's dad was at least a realist, in that regardless of where I went or whom I was with (unless I married a sugar daddy, NOT!), college would always be a difficult goal.
I will grant you that, from the outside looking in, it DOES look shallow and cheap, but if you barely make it from paycheck to paycheck and you FINALLY have a way to at least partially help with college expenses, I think the parent who is gone would be applauding your actions if seriously considered the circumstances. I also know that, if the roles were reversed (and I could call back from the grave), I too would demand that they keep those survivor benefits, regardless of adoption status. What a legacy to leave my child, that thru me he would finally have the opportunity to go to college with MUCH more financial help than any of us had counted on!
I respect many of you who have posted on this thread, but I truly believe in this instance, we're gonna have to agree to disagree........