Hi, I honestly came into the blended situation totally naive. I have two children and while I get upset with my ex for ignoring our children and for not paying support, I dont fight with him. I dont do things to be mean to him - and he doesnt to me either. Now, I had realized that
dh and his ex were still connected to anger, but I had no idea the impact this would have on our lives.....
His ex moved right before we married. He went from seeing his son half the time, to six days a month. The woman acts like I am her worst enemy - always has. I met her before I was even dating dh - their son was with me and she ignored me when I tried to speak to her. I tried to talk to her one time -and she was rude and bossy - and I flew off. Told her lawyer I was mad because she gets
child support - total BS! She will do anything to pull yss away from dh. And she will, in my opinion, destroy yss to do it. Court was in January and I stressed for five months (since our marriage) helping dh prepare and dealing with it all. YSS had said he wanted to live here - he is 13. A month before court, bm's employees start buying yss gifts and hanging out with him constantly. He thinks he is cool, he has 20 and 30 year old buddies that buy him expensive things. He turned on us - and here we are in debt to a lawyer.
I decided that was it. I detached myself from that turmoil. When he is here, I treat him fine, though I have come to realize that I dont look at him that much anymore. I know he was bought, but he is old enough to know that as well. He has behavior problems, we got counseling for him, but his mother said he didnt have to go. He is learning disabled and his last grades were awful. This coming Thursday a decision will be handed down - he either stays in school with restrictions: he has to do home tutoring, or he has to go to an alternative school.
I think his mother is the worst excuse for a mother I have ever known. She had him hanging with her buddies to keep him there - and these are people that are convicted felons - and one has been arrested this month for grand larceny. She lies constantly - in court all she said were lies. She ignores the
court order. She doesnt discipline yss. She is not paying her rent - but she buys him goodies all the time. She can make a friend so easily and yet she is the most evil person I know. She does things just to irritate dh, like demanding an hour difference in anything dh says....she only dates guys that are druggies...doesnt help yss with homework or even try to get him to do it.....
YSS steals. The last I knew was 11 packs of $5 yugi-oh cards from his mom's store. He had new spike bracelets from his mom this weekend. He also had a linkin park wallet and a spinner belt buckle. He claimed those newbies came from classmates but dh didnt beleive him. DH thinks he stole the items. The mom's take on stealing -all kids do it. He cannot clean himself when he goes to the bathroom. He overpours everything he drinks.....
I am so tired of this woman's lies and games. I have even wanted dh to stop seeing yss just to have this entire turmoil out of our lives. But, dh of course isnt going to do that. And I know I wouldnt give up my children either.
I had decided to take the stance of 'look how the children we raise turn out'. Dh's oldest son has lived with dh since parents divorced, he has graduated, has a car, his own place to live and works two jobs. He eats dinner with us often. My two girls are honor roll students and would get hysterical if they were to get in any real trouble in school.....I dont mean to compare to anyone but in my own head, so that I could feel better.
But, recently I feel myself being pulled back in. When bm didnt bring yss until 8:30 friday night when she had been in town for over two hours eating out with friends......after telling her lawyer she couldnt make it here any earlier than 7 because of her work schedule...
tired of this woman yanking our chains. Her being in control of times. DH is tired of hearing yss constantly say I want, I want....because he is so used to getting goodies now. All the kid thinks about is what he can get.
I love my dh - but I dont like the way I feel because of his ex.....