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If you have the means, run to a lawyer to explore your options.  Much of this depends on what court you can get to hear it.  Your son needs counseling as well.  She is using him for her emotional support system. 


Have you called the school he is at to ask if they have a counselor through the school to at least start a dialogue with him?


Give it some time and I know some of the other posters will probably weigh in with their thoughts as wel.

Agree with Waylon on this.  DH's ex was a game player for years, but sometimes you have to be flexible.  Yes, it sucks they didn't give notice. 

Based on the limited details provided, I would say to let the child go.  Yes, there are rules to be followed, but as Waylon pointed out, the child also needs a relationship with the other parent. 

I would vote ignore.  If it's not in any agreement there is nothing for her to raise with the Court.  Just calmly tell her you will follow the Order and then drop it.  You could also ask her to put such requests in writing to you and you will review it with your attorney.  Don't say you will do it, but that you will forward to your attorney for them to review.  If she is stupid enough to send a letter more or less being a jerk, it will just give you ammunition. 

It can either be Dear Husband....or Dick Head....take your pick.

PB is Psycho Bitch

I think there may be a post someone that gives most of the standard abbreviations, but I'm not sure where it is.....sorry.  Maybe someone else can help with that one.

The people who support vaccines the most are doctors..and that a money thing and you know it... If you can prove that they don't cause it then I would be more than happy to listen..but all I hear is your opinion sir.
Btw..are you a doctor???

If doctors were out to make money be encouraging illness, they would rather people not get a vaccine.  Your "argument" has no rational basis, or rather no factual basis that a rational person could follow. 

And Waylon's not a doctor....he just owns this website.

Yeah, I hear concrete pumpers are now the leading authorities on vaccinations in our country. 

I never said I don't WANT my son to see his father, I was informed in the state I reside, that my right as a mother is that I wouldn't have to let my son visit with his father. I'm kinda stating this in a way that a single mother or legal advice giver could maybe verify this.
My EX would try to keep my son away if he was in his custody because he knows it would hurt me. This is why I'm asking if he could legally do this?
And no offense, I don't see how age really matters, but we are both in our early 20's.


Thank you Ocean, we haven't gone to court yet so there hasn't been any visitation set up other than when we just agree on days, court is possibly our next step though.

I should have been clearer, I was wondering mainly how old the child was (were you talking an infant or an 8 year old...) 

As long as I have been on this board, I've never heard of a state that has a rule that a mother can withhold a child for visitation.  So I think the answer from most people here would be that someone gave you some incorrect information. 

Ocean's description is pretty much right on as to how most states operate.  There are of course subtle differences in all the states, and even within counties of the same state.  So in some ways it is hard for anyone to give you concrete advise as to how things will go in your state. 

Ocean gave you some good advice about not putting your child in the middle.  Have to be honest, your posts give off the vibe that you do want to cut out the father from your child.  When you make comments like "my right as a mother is that I wouldn't have to let my son visit with his father", well, it sound like you don't want him to see his father. 

I'm both a divorced mother of my own children, and step mother to my now husband's children.  We've heard and seen it all on this board.  I know it is hard to co-parent with someone who is a jerk, but that "jerk" is still your child's parent.  And children like growing up with love for both their parents.  You don't say how old your child is, but I am going to guess very young.  As Ocean said, you have many years ahead of you.  The best thing you can do is try as much as you can in these early years to work WITH your ex on a good parenting plan.  That is going to help your child more than anything if you work with your ex.  And not all Ex's are capable of co-parenting.  But YOU don't want to be the one that is causing the problem, you want to be the one that is working hard to show your child they can love and spend both times with both parents.

Come up with a parenting plan.  What are the days you want to have the child with you, what days do you want the father to spend taking of his child.  Put it ALLLLLL in writing.  Even how and when the child will be exchanged between the parents.

Have you spoken with an attorney?  If you can work together, you can come up with a plan and get an attorney to finalize it with the courts.   For the most part, judges will always allow time with both parents, so it would be in your best interest to make the first move.  Try and talk to your ex, or if there is a family member or friend you can both trust, see if they will help the two of you get the ball rolling. 

I know of someone with a now 11 year old who has NEVER been to court, her and her son's father (they were never married) have ALWAYS, from day one, worked together to parent their child.  It amazes me how well they get along.  I wouldn't say they are best of friends, but they always work together to make sure both parents are involved and that their child is allowed to love both of them.  Your child will be old enough to realize they are a "prize" and that will put them in a horrible situation.  You don't want to do that to your child.

Why don't you want your child to see his father? 

And why would he keep your child from you? 

You basically ask about keeping the child away from his father, but then you want to know what to do if he keeps your child from you?

How old are all of you?

I have some questions. 

How many days has son missed this year?  Do you have a good relationship with the teacher?  Does your son know his grandfather?

I am a mother of four and step-mother of four. 

If it were me, and your sons father is in his life, I'd say your son should go, even if it means missing school.  You said yourself the grandfather is gravely ill.  How so you know he will still be able to see him in two weeks.

I'm a stickler for school, but the death of a grandparent is not the same as a trip to go do something fun.

Hello all- I'm in in the middle of a divorce, two kiddos ages 16 and 13.
I live in the family home, the ex lives with his parents following a domestic violence offense. He was granted temporary visitation in April, consisting of every other weekend and every Thursday night. He wasn't permitted to pick up the kids due to a protection order, so his parents were transporting. The DV charge was reduced and PO canceled. The judges temp orders say communication is to be limited to the children and his parents continue providing transportation.

He cancels fairly regularly and does not communicate AT ALL! He doesn't acknowledge texts, emails, or answer calls. His attorney advised that all communication should transpire through his mother. My attorney said whatever. After attempting to communicate with him, I broke down and called his mother. Of course she has no answers because she has to speak to him. She told me today that the visitation orders will need to be modified in the winter because she doesn't want to transport them to school on Friday mornings because of snow....ughhh! I guess I don't even have a question. I'm just frustrated that I was married to this man for 15 years and his mother is calling the shots. I'm not sure if this is significant enough to tell my attorney or not.

Is the Grandmother saying she doesn't want to do the driving.  Honestly, I can see her point.  When the grandmother said they needed to be modified, what did she think the new plan should be? Are they wanting you to drive, if so, that's not right.  If you are demanding the grandmother take them, well that's not right either. 

But, what it means is that the kids just don't go for those visitation times.

Thank you!! I have a meeting with a Attorney in the morning. He s the highest recomended for custody issues in the area. I went to the school to get records of who took the kids out of school last year to take the kids to the doctor but they said they wasent sure they had the records. From what I read they are responsible to keep these records for 5 years. I may have to get the Attorney involved in that as well.

That should also be in the medical records.  Most doctor's offices will make a note in the file of who brought the child in to be seen.  You should be able to ask the doctor's office for a copy of those and see if it indicates that you were the one to bring the child in.