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Messages - littlebit

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Alabama State Forum / Santa protest in B'ham
« on: Dec 03, 2004, 07:51:31 AM »
A protest in support of NCPs was held outside the courthouse in Birmingham Alabama.  The good news is that it happened at all.  The bad news is that there appeared to be only half a dozen peolpe there.  

Any start is a good start!!

Check out http://www.alcfc.com for more info.

Alabama State Forum / ala family rights
« on: Nov 19, 2004, 02:16:41 PM »
Yahoo has a group that is a good source of information: alafamilyrightsnews

Alabama State Forum / PAS and caselaw?
« on: Jun 03, 2004, 11:32:03 AM »
I have found three cases in Alabama that relate directly to PAS and might be relevent to my case and others who post here.  However, I am hitting some dead ends trying to obtain more details.  Maybe someone out there a bit more computer savy than myself could be of assistance.  

I will share what I already have:

C.J.L v. M.W.B., 2003 Ala. Civ. App., February 28, 2003
This case changed custody to the father, giving him sole physical custody. Mother appealed saying shouldn't have relied on doctor's diagnosis of PAS.  The ruling was upheld by the appeals court.

CASE NO. DR-97-502272.03-C
Tina S Wilson
Drew C Wilson

This is a case filed in October 2003 in Mobile County.  The judge is Rosemary D Chambers.  A father's rights group has submitted a 40+ page brief to the judge supporting the BF's position in regards to the BM exhibiting signs of PAS.  The brief is posted at http://www.ancpr.org  This case may very well be over by now, but I cannot seem to find any more info on the outcome.

CASE NO. DR-96-761.01. Jan 06, 2001
Berry v. Berry, Circuit Court of Tuscaloosa County, AL

This case envolves PAS somehow.  That's all I know.

Thanks for any help and I hope some others will benefit as well.

LittleBit's Dad

Alabama State Forum / RE: Child Support Auto Review by State
« on: Mar 22, 2004, 02:02:07 PM »
I have never heard of this, and I have been paying CS in AL for 3 1/2 years.  I will be researching this also and will let you know if I find anything.  

Thanks for the post.

Little bit's Dad

Moms Without Custody / RE: Custody Evaluator
« on: Apr 26, 2005, 10:53:10 AM »
>>The father has willfully and without just cause interfered with the parenting time alloted the mother.
>>The father has willfully and with intent to prevent active involvement with Joint Legal making decisions

These are a direct attack of the other parent and should be left out.  Only state specific facts about things that have happened.   Drawing conclusions and laying blame should be left to your attorney at trial.  DO NOT speak negatively about child's other parent when dealing with the evaluator.

>>1) scheduling medical appointments that occur out of town for the parties minor child and failing to notify mother until the evening prior to the scheduled appointment (evidence provided)

You have only pointed out how that situation affected YOU, not your child.  Always keep in mind what is the "best interest of the children", and put your information in that context. So, ask yourself, What part of this situation was NOT in child's best interest?  Answer: the child could have missed the appt....

1) Father neglected to make prior arrangements for child to get to his doctor appointment. (evidence provided)

...Just some thoughts...

Shrink Rap / Anyone in Alabama?
« on: Jun 04, 2004, 12:48:06 PM »
Please see my post on the State message board for Alabama.

Little Bit's Dad

Shrink Rap / RE: I'm a wreck and I love my children
« on: May 25, 2004, 03:23:31 PM »
I have the deepest sympathy for you.  For some reason, a lot of people don't understand that Father's get despondent over the loss of thier children and spouses.  It is complety acceptable, even expected, for a woman to break-down emotionally, physically, finacially, etc. when she is suddenly stripped of her family.  But Dad's are just expected to suck-it-up and keep on going. ---- It's not that easy!  

You are dealing with a tremendous loss that affects every part of your life.  You would be a cold hearted person to not go a little nuts abouts it.

I will tell you what I do when I feel like giving up:  I focus on my kids.  I try to imagine what they are feeling compared to what I am feeling.  Because no matter how bad it gets for me, at least I have some tiny bit of control over some things...kids don't have that luxury.  

For instance, if I'm dwelling on how bad it hurts me to be apart from them, I tell myself that at least I have the option to pop in an old family video to pacify myself...but my son does not have that option at BM's house, so "I" must do something to ease his burden.  So I write him another letter so he can take it out of his dresser any time he needs some encouragement.

Sometimes I wonder if he thinks of me, and feels completly helpless about the situation (because he IS).  So that leads me to decide that I better fight twice as hard: 100% for me, and another 100% for him.  If I don't, who will?  He needs me, and he needs me to be 200%!

I hope this is making sense and doesn't seem like a bunch of rambling.  Just one more thing.  

I am a mature, intelligent, adult who has lived through many experiences and overcome many obstacles.  And yet I know how hard it is for me to accept, and understand, and live day to day, with the things that continue to happen.  With that in mind, how can I begin to relate to what my young child is feeling and thinking?  He has no knowlege of life to tell him that things will get better...that's up to ME to let him know!  He does not yet have the cognative ability to see the 'big picture'....I have to show him!  And he cannot rationalize the events and make sense of them.... It's MY responsibility to ease his mind and reassure him!

SD: you will find a lot of people here who have a lot of support to give.  I hope it helps!

LittleBit's Dad

Shrink Rap / RE: What do I tell 10 yr old about going to court?
« on: Mar 05, 2004, 03:03:08 PM »
Thanks to both for the input.  Looks like I'll have another week to fret over it.  Serving papers has been put off agian until next Friday...civil servants just don't get in much of a hurry ya know.

Shrink Rap / RE: I'm trying to avoid conflict, please help. Long
« on: Mar 03, 2004, 08:33:16 AM »
That was a long read, but thats OK.  I will not worry about leaving a long response.  Here is my 2 cents:

Your first letter to NCP contained no negative comments or accusations, only facts...very good.  It also did not mention anything at all about situation between NCP & CP, past history etc....nice job.  You also offered specific suggestions on how to make improvements for the kids...couldn't have done it better myself.

However, CP seems to be consumed with the two of you’s interactions instead of the children’s interests.  The response letter was nothing but re-hashing the past, finger pointing, and defending self.  It said nothing about bettering the kids’ situations.
You’ve got a hard road ahead of you, but not impossible!

I see 3 options here:
#1) Re-hash everything under the clear blue sky until CP is satisfied and gets it out of system.  Then you can both move on to something more important…like the kids!

#2) Suck up to CP until the point where you want to vomit!  
If you agree with them (whether you believe what you are saying or not), it eliminates the argument factor & you are one step closer to your goal.  Additionally, CP will be more receptive if you make it looks like they are calling the shots, and if it helps the kids, so be it.
For example, say things like
“You are right about Child 2’s birthday, I screwed-up.  Please help me come up with something to make Child 2 feel better about it.”
Or  “You have really been busting your buns with Child 1’s schooling.  What can I do to take some of the load off of you & help Child 1?”
Or  “I like your suggestion of being civilized & working together for the kids; let’s start that right away.”
See how you can turn the tables?  You can get the results you wanted to begin with, you just will not get credit for them.

#3) Cut through all the BS & stick strait to the point, no matter what!  Do not say anything about what has happened, what is happening or why it happened.  Just state very simply & plainly what will help improve the kids’ situation, or ask very basic and straightforward questions.  This will take away all the details that are up for argument.  For example, your 2nd letter would look like this after all the “details” are removed:

I'm asking that “Child2” go to therapy, I'm offering to transport her.

I would prefer that they're not left in “Unfit caregiver”'s care for any amount of time and I'd like your support.

I would like to be kept informed.

If there are times that the children will be left alone or with someone else I would like to take them.  I can help them with their school work. I will provide transportation.


Personally, I like option #3 best, but that is just my personality.  You have to consider what CP will best respond to.

Best of luck, and keep us updated.

Shrink Rap / RE: Bipolar Son
« on: Mar 01, 2004, 03:20:16 PM »
Forgotten Father,

This is my opinion only...Get a second opionion!  Even if it is just you going to talk to another therapist without your son being there.  At least you would get an idea of how far off base these suggestions might be.

If the child had the proper thought process to be able to rationalize 'how ridiculous he looks', there would be no problem to begin with.  This applies not only to your son, but to any child!  I assure you, my son has thrown plenty of fits, and mirroring his behavior will accomplish nothing but making me look like a child and!

I agree with ya.  Has there been any prior episodes of "getting used to all the new" causing better behavior?  If so, what can it hurt?  But if not, seems like it would just make life harder for him than it already is.

Good luck and keep us posted on the progress!

Fellow Father

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