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Messages - allforher

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Visitation Issues / Re: heading into court
« on: Apr 24, 2011, 05:52:04 PM »
These are all great ideas but I do agree we should both be able to have our child xmas day.  It would be great if DD was understanding of extended family but to date he isn't so perhaps we'd just have to plan our trips to louisiana around xmas day, it's cheaper to travel anyway.  I just don't want to exclude our child from the stepfamily she's had since she was 2. 
I think to help prevent argueing it's best to have it in a CO in plain english.  Its been so bad lately with out having a CO I just want the arguing to stop.  thanks

Visitation Issues / Re: heading into court
« on: Apr 24, 2011, 03:12:19 PM »
on odd years its Mom Christmas eve from 4pm to 10pm on even years it's Dad's time, I guess maybe moving the time up a little from 10pm to something earlier would be suitable to head out of town.  With the week on week off, we could go to louisiana if Christmas day fell on one of our weeks.  We have done xmas eve thing for two years now, so that both families get to have the child.  I don't mind driving the 4 hours in a day, we've done it before but it would be nice not to have to especially if its my year for xmas day, I'd like to work something out that we'd be able to switch time, make it up or whatever, just not sure how to word that.

Visitation Issues / heading into court
« on: Apr 23, 2011, 01:50:34 PM »
I am looking for some creative ways to add certain holiday criteria to a CO.
With shared parenting and a week on week off schedule it can make for difficult Christmas negotiations.  I had proposed to DD that on the years I will have our child for Christmas day that we be allowed to travel out of state as I am remarried(9 years) and have 4 other children who have gp's out of town in louisiana and pa.  He said that he wouldnt' agree and have that in stone because he could have the potential to not have our child for at least christmas eve every other year.  Understandable, but then he proceeds to say that we need to stick to the week on week off schedule and I should only go out of town when child is on my week.  I will not have child on my week for the next 5 or 6 years based on a rotating schedule like this which means we can't go out of town to spend christmas with family.  Does anyone have anything creative we can add.  We don't go out of town that often really, it's expensive, the last time we were in Louisiana was 2004 so that tells you but in the past there has been major arguements for us to spend time with stepdads side of the family.  We now live 4 hours away from my husband other side of the family so thats easier to get to and we wouldn't need christmas eve but to go to louisiana we would.  I just want to be able to have the option at some point.  Trying to negotiate with dd always ends up in an arguement especially when I am the one asking.
Just today he mentioned that he's used to not having her, he hasn't had her in two years.  Which I am confused on, we've nearly shared time 50/50 and even years are mine for holidays but he had her Easter and Thanksgiving last year, so I am confused on what he is feeling......

Visitation Issues / Re: daughter doesn't want to go back...
« on: Apr 20, 2011, 05:26:22 PM »
I know what he said what he said to daughter in anger.  I do not really think that changing is what he wants, I know I am concerned with it, but if he's willing to work on things then it would be worth it to keep things the same.  I just don't know how it will work with out communication, email, or however. 
I am guessing we can't talk at now, the message is loud and clear with blocking our numbers.
We have a status hearing on MOnday, what the heck do I do?  Should I bring this up? 
 Yes I will write a letter in the mean time, thanks for the tips.

Visitation Issues / Re: daughter doesn't want to go back...
« on: Apr 20, 2011, 04:53:55 PM »
When we call it says the number you called is not accepting calls from this number...... It says the same thing from all our numbers.
I wanted to talk about how he and I can wipe clean the slate and the importance of coparenting especially with shared time.  I also wanted to talk about the importance of him maybe offering to do more for our child at school and such since she thinks he doesn't want to do any of it.  She doesn't really know, is just uncomfortable to ask and he doesn't get involved on his own.
I also wanted to discuss whether we were in agreement about continuing the week on week off.  I would never just end it, I really wanted to bring up some key points that we need to work on or let the therapist do that in order to conitnue with it, etc.
ITs just crazy.......seriously, I would never block him regardless, unless of course he was harrassing me, then I'd go a different route, but theres no harrassment, nothing from me. I don't even call there, what purpose would it serve to block me?

Visitation Issues / Re: daughter doesn't want to go back...
« on: Apr 20, 2011, 02:56:23 PM »
ok, well new development....DD has blocked cell numbers and home numbers from me. 
Funny thing is I haven't called him, just sent him an email after my daughter told me what he said to her and said that I hoped it wasn't going to happen again and that he would take steps towards controlling his outbursts.  I also asked to speak withi him concerning the current visitation with the therapist included.  So.....any advice now? 

Visitation Issues / Re: daughter doesn't want to go back...
« on: Apr 20, 2011, 09:06:14 AM »
I know that we, the parents should be working on how we can do better.  Its hard when only one parent is trying though.  My reasons are not just because of this one time incident, it is a combination of things.  Stepmoms in and out again presence, she has left DD twice and come back that I know of.  School projects are not being completed on his time and twice now I have been rushing to get supplies because the instructions were sent to DD's house on his week not mine, it was never put up on our online calendar either.  He has untreated bipolar disorder, and now has had a verbal outburst with our daughter, that was very out of line.  I am all for keeping things the same, but I am fearful of what the ramifications will be on our child if these things continue?  Will her grades begin to plunge, her self esteem, etc. if DD doesn't take his issues to heart and get help?
We have tried to create tools to help us communicate but when one parents isn't then how do you do it with a schedule like this?  I am truly looking for any advice I can get.

Visitation Issues / Re: Visitation schedule - really?
« on: Apr 18, 2011, 08:45:14 AM »
I would definately go with oceans advice and gather your info and file contempt.  From what i understand what is written in CO overrides anythign else, so the Moms in violation and this isnt' a little petty thing, it's valuable time for the kids to be with their Dad.  Good luck

Visitation Issues / Re: daughter doesn't want to go back...
« on: Apr 18, 2011, 04:36:51 AM »
curious on why my "karma" gets bumped down when I speak of changing visitation?  really??  Why should a child be a stressful environment for a whole week?  Even therapist agrees Dads home is unstable and stressful for dh and a week is a long time for her to be there,   
Why can't Dad prove in court why week on week off is the best for child?  If a judge older, more wise and seasoned in this sort of thing says it is then I guess it is and I will be ok with that.  But fact is we let a 10 year decide her schedule based a fantasy her gramma told her about a girl she knew who had week on week off and it worked great and filled her up with all these pluses about the plan, of course it became desireable.  However, fact remains, parents who can not coparent, get along, etc should not have this sort of schedule, correct?

Visitation Issues / Re: daughter doesn't want to go back...
« on: Apr 17, 2011, 06:54:43 PM »
okay, so daughter tells me that Dad said some really mean things to her when they were arguing over the conversation her and I had on the phone the night she called me and told me she didn't want to go back to Dads.
Here's what he said:  why don't you just do every other weekend like your sister, better yet go back to xx state so I don't have to deal with your mom.  Evidently, when I sent him an email about what dh and I talked about, he was upset at her for wanting to come home.  he apologized the next day to dh, but the damage is done.  Also, she hasn't been getting woken up for school on time either when on his week, she asked me for an alarm clock
I feel I have to cease the week on week off, it's not in a CO and hasn't been long that we have been doing this.  The line has been crossed, he verbally abused our daughter.  I was hoping and praying it woudl never happen but with his bipolar disorder, and abuser tendancies, i guess it was inevitable.  uggg.... this isn't going to be easy

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