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Hi soc,
I've never posted to you before so I hope I follow the guidelines correctly.


I'm a stepmom of 2 girls, ages 9 and 6 currently.  Been married to dh 3 years.  We live in Canada.

BM's household consists of her, her bf, their 4yo son, his 8yo daughter, and my girls.

This past Tuesday they were evicted from their third rental home.  In summer 2002 was the first eviction, the second not even a year ago, November 2003.

My dh said several times since November that if they get evicted again, he will go for custody.

BM, her son, and my girls are staying with bm's parents.  BF and his daughter are staying with bf's parents.

We're a little frazzled and can't think straight enough to develop a decent strategy at the moment.  Here are some questions:

1.  Should dh attempt to have any discussions with bm about the current living situation?

2.  What would be the best way for him to approach her (a woman of low intellect, no money, separated from her bf, living with her parents after being evicted for the third time, with three kids) for such a discussion?

3.  Do we have time to do some research into legal counsel, or is this something we need to jump on immediately?

I think that's all for now.  Any advice is appreciated.  Thanks in advance.
I'm not sure this is the right forum to post this, but here goes:

I have a couple questions about using the PTT.  My dh and I have been using it since October 03.  My questions are:

1.  If there is more than one child that goes between homes, and the "ncp" goes to pick the kids up for his/her CO'd time with the kids, and the cp allows all but one child to go, holding back one child for whatever reason...what would be the best way to document that on PTT?  My thought is to list it as a Denied visit and explain in the Comments that the time was denied with one child but regular with the rest.  Does that sound right, or is there a better way?

2.  I've been using the Comments section to outline things outside parenting time, like the school not being able to reach bm due to her phone being cut off and not having an alternate number, or dh and bm discussing the kids' report cards.  Is that ok to do, or would that be perceived as a "bad thing"?

Thanks!  :)
Custody Issues / can anyone help us??
Aug 27, 2004, 08:15:01 PM
I don't usually post to these boards.  My dh is about to enter into a custody battle, I think.

BM, her bf, and all the kids have just been evicted for the third time.  They got kicked out of their apartment summer 2002, for nonpayment, rented a house.  They were kicked out of that house shortly before Christmas last year, I think it was end of November.  This past spring, my osd was telling us of papers they'd received, warning them that action would be taken against them.  My dh said at that time if they were evicted a third time, he would go for custody of the kids.

Well, guess what.  He found out today that as of Tuesday, they were evicted.  BM, my sds, and bm and bf's 4yo son are staying at bm's parents'.  BF and his 8yo daughter are staying with bf's parents.

We need a plan.  I think, from discussing with dh a little while ago, we're on different pages without any idea of a strategy.  DH hasn't had to go to court with bm many times, but for all of them he's done it alone, without a lawyer.  We will need a lawyer for this one.

I plan to do some reading on this site, but we're in Canada, and i think a lot of what is here may not apply to us.  Canadian law sites don't have the same kind of content as this site (kudos to SPARC!)

In order to do this *right* and with as little confrontation as possible (right...) what do you recommend as a strategy?  starting with:

-if dh should have any discussions with bm about the current situation
-how he should approach her (a woman of low intellect, no money, separated from her bf, living with her parents after being evicted for the third time, with three kids)
-when to retain the lawyer
-if he should go for emergency temp custody first
-anything else??

I think I'm in panic mode.  I did not want to go through this, and I did not want the kids to go through this.

Sorry for the amnesia and subsequent repetitiveness.

For all you who document parenting time - what do you do when the kids have different schedules? How do you document time spent with one child, but not the other(s)?
Just a bit of background, because no one here knows me:

I met my now-dh very shortly after he and bm separated summer 1999.  They were married nearly 4 years and have two daughters, whose ages are listed below.  BM met her bf very shortly after dh and I met, and they've lived together ever since.  DH and bm share custody of the girls, bm and bf have a 4yo son, and bf has a daughter whose mother is her primary custodial parent.

BF is of less than favourable character.  He is emotionally abusive to bm, that I have witnessed myself, and the girls have told us of him being the same way to them on occasion, as well as physically (mostly consisting of pushing - nothing that leaves marks.)  When he and bm began living together, shortly before their son was born, to the best of my recollection, bm always had a phone, she lived in a divey apartment but her rent was always up to date, and she deserved credit for trying to keep her and the kids' heads above water.  It was apparent dh's cs was going towards the kids.

Since moving in with bf, they've moved 4 times.  Once was to a larger apartment in the same complex bm lived in herself previously.  That was for the sole purpose of gaining more living space because they now had three kids living there instead of two.  They were evicted from that apartment for nonpayment of rent in the fall of 2002, and moved into a rental house nearby.  This is when bf began to really show his true colours, and it was aroudn this time I witnessed him being verbally abusive to bm.  One by one they lost their cable, phone, and then that house, all due to nonpayment.  They moved out of that house at the end of November 2003 and into another rental house.  They are still in that house, however, my osd has told us they've been threatened with eviction again, have no phone or cable again, and osd even told us the name of the form they received that indicated they were treading thin ice with the current landlord.

Hopefully this will never happen, but my dh is insisting that if bm gets evicted again, from her 3rd residence, he's going for custody of the kids.  The fact that she can't keep a roof over their heads will be the main focus.

In that case, do you think getting an attorney and going for the throat with a custody battle and all is best, or do you think mediation might work?

Take into account the fact that communication between dh and bm SUCKS....and that bm, of course, will not be in favour of a custody modification of any kind.

I don't know. I'm just hoping that doesn't happen because a custody battle will mean a nightmare for the kids. Just a nightmare. *I* am not impressed with the way dh and bm handle each other - I can't imagine a judge ruling favourably.