Messages

Amgine,
I dont think your situation really pertains to the one originally posted.
My step daughters also listed me as their "Mom" along with their BM back when Facebook didnt have all the options for extended family. They sent me the request, I accepted it. The girls had two Moms and two Dads listed. BM had a fit, but husband & I stood our ground. I am now listed as Step Mom because that option is now avaliable.
By the way, an update to the original post: We got BM to change the childs age to a more suitable one some time after my post. Thanks everyone.

I would say first, do not be the one to move out of the house. Keeping up appearances is fine, but once it is time to make the move to let the kids know & to actually split up, do not leave the house & the kids.
If you have been the primary care giver, continue to do so. The kids need this continuance in their lives. Additionally, keeping the status quo will make it more likely to stay the same in the future.
If you are the one to leave the house & you leave the kids behind, it looks like your decision.
Good luck.

Nice to see some good news Kitty!

No, we havent called any lawyers. We have a court date in mid April already set.
YSD is happy & smug. She has wanted to leave us for some time. BM has been working on her to hate us for some time. BF is happy to have a new daughter.
Right now we plan to stay on our current course & accept whatever the court hands out. We have a good case minus the paternity issue, so you never know.
OSD is having a more difficult time with it & has asked to go back to counseling, which we plan on.

She got the results today...
YSD is not DH's. We dont have the proof in hand yet but...
BM left message on DH's phone: "Start packing her S***, she isnt yours"
When he spoke with BM later she said she was going to call the sherriffs office & have someone come with her to pick up YSD. So far no pick up, probably told her she was nuts.
Tough stuff, ya know?

DH just picked up kids from spring break visitation with BM...


She had YSD (11 yo) tested for paternity with some guy she claims is the BF. I do not know who administered the test.


I do know that some tests are admissible and some are not. I also know that cases have been won by fathers that have raised the kids even though they were not BF.


My question is: can she change the birth certificate without a court order?


She told DH at pick up that she will have the results on Wednesday & she plans to then change the birth certificate immediately before court (mid April).


Back ground: DH has school, EOW, & EOH. BM has summer, EOW, EOH, & all school breaks. This has been in place for 6.5 years.  Everyone lives in the same county in FL.


Thanks!

 I have a new one for ya!

Two step daughters live with us during school & mom during holidays & summer. They have cell phones paid for by their Mother's Mother. In the past when the kids get bad grades or into other trouble, they get restricted from their phones & other electronics (depending on how severe).

Last week YSD got caught by her DH texting at school. He told her not to do it again, or he would now allow her to take the phone to school. A few hours later she did it again. She was texting BM from school telling her to check her out early (it was Friday of BM's weekend).

When DH picked up the kids Monday (holiday weekend) he was told that if he prevented YSD from taking phone to school, Grandmother would report him as having stolen property.

When he got home he called the Sheriffs department & spoke with an officer. Yes indeed charges could be filed against him for taking the phone, even it he just made her leave it home. He would be depriving the authorized user of use.

The only way out would be to return the phone to the Grandmother. But she would just take it to YSD at school, so we would have to repeatedly return it to her (if we even knew YSD had it, she could hide it).

We will be going to court in April, so DH plans to bring it up, but what a mess!

No, there is no date yet, I just check the case every day or so to see if anything has happened. We were currently waiting for the judge to sign off on the GM's ruling.
BM is in FL as well. It may seem like long distance because I left out eow.
Kids (11 & 15) want to move back with her. Promises have been made by her. Situation can get ugly over there & we feel it is better for kids to be with us during school so they can be stable. BM has had multiple arrests & so has her live in BF. YSD has had her very own first run in with the law while over there for the weekend.

I guess I am asking for opinion more than anything:
DH & BM had hearing about if the children could testify around a month ago. It was ruled by the General Magistrate that the children would not testify.
Once the 10 days were over, a final hearing was scheduled. BM had no evidence to present to show cause for children to move in with her. She didnt even have nonsense evidence, none. General Magistrate rulled, no change in custody.
Now (just before 10 days) BM has filed a Exception to the final rulling. Her exception is: I think the kids should be allowed to testify without parents present.
My feeling is that first: She is filing an exception to the second rulling about the first rulling. Is this even allowed?
Second: Again, no cause was shown, are you kidding?
Any thoughts?

Background: Florida. Kids live with DH during school, BM has summer, spring break, Christmas, & eo holiday. This has been in place for 6 years.

Some days it is hell being the spouse of someone in a custody dispute.

You get so much of the blame for what is wrong. You are trying to steal the children away from the other parent. You are over stepping your bounds. You don't treat your step children the same as your bio children. You speak when you shouldn't, you don't speak when you should. You will always be the bad guy, no matter what. You watch your step children in pain. You watch your spouse in pain. You watch your own children in pain.

The thing that has been getting to me recently is being the support to my husband. I feel like I have to be so strong & always look at the positive side of things.

"Everything will be ok. Just keep your resolve. Don't let her bully you like that. Careful what you say to the kids. If this scenario happens... at least you can look forward to this! You will do fine in court, don't worry. She has nothing to go on. Even if she proves this, at least there is that. Everything is going to be ok."

While I say all this, I share the same worries as him but I can't let on. He is already crazy with worry; me breaking down wouldn't help at all. I have seen him loose all hope before & it is not good.


I love those kids like they were my own. Just remember that I am not allowed to say that, because then I am trying to steal them from their mother. I see the hurt their mother is putting them thru, but I can't say a word. That would be bad mouthing her, even if it is true.

During all of this I also have to play the devils advocate. He gets so distracted with the hurt that he and the kids are in that he can't see the whole picture all the time. I look at all the things that could happen:

"If she presents this, you have to counter with this. Don't say that to the kids because it will come back on you. She might be doing that because she is thinking this. You know if that happens, then this will probably happen. I heard the kids say this earlier, you may want to check. Don't forget about this. If she says this, she probably is leading up to that."

They have lived in our home for over 6 years now. I was there when the youngest graduated kindergarten. I was there for the eldest's struggle with reading, for all the conferences, the tutoring, and the subsequent tears. I was there for their passage into adolescence & middle school. I was there for the oldest first kiss & first heart break. I was the one that taped the garbage bag on the cast for shower time. I was the one that scraped the nits out hundreds of times. I was the one that cleaned up the buckets of vomit when all three girls got a bug on the same day.

While I realize that their mother was missing out on the firsts, and the chances to care for her children... I am sorry for that. That she missed out, but at the same time, she was the one that dropped them on our doorstep one day. I did all I could, not because I had to, but because I loved them.
All the while I am raising my own daughter amongst all this turmoil. Her father & I get along fine. She watches as her step sisters play their parents off of each other. She sees how consequences are different. She knows that while her father & I make her work for what she wants, the other girls only have to ask. She loves her step sisters & she hates her step sisters. Then again, isn't that what sisterhood is all about?