Messages

eom

I have to agee with everything you said.  However, I guess I'm still just a tad too"human" and hurt.  Maybe it is because this arrangement is so against what I wanted and thought I would have.  Also because I know that the dad is never home and the SM raises the children.  They must ask her permission before signing up for activities, not dad's.  They must ask her permission to have a friend over because dad can't remember their shedule and doesn't know if they can have a friend over or not.  They must discuss any need for mendical, dental or eye care with her.  If they ask dad he asks her if they need to be seen because he doesn't know.  90% of the time she says they are just making things up to get attention and denies them treatment.  Then they tell me about their problems.  I make an appointment for them and when dad takes then to the appointment they deny the sympotons they told me about.  This seres to make me look really crazy and like I have Munchausen's by Proxy.  One doctor has caught on but dad is still Primary Custodial Parent.

He uses this title every chance he gets to let people know that "the children live with us because the situation at HER house is so poor".  This SM runs her husband legal battles.  She herself has come from a family with muliple divorces and knows every trick in the book and a few I am sure that have not been written yet.  She has told my daughter, " My step mother taught me how to be an evil step mother."  I used to think she was joking but now I know she's serious.

This is gonna sound really strange but....I'd have rather had my ex marry one of my friends.  Instead he married a dragon lady he found in the personals while I was still living with him.  He'd take her to lunch then come home and keep me awake half the night trying to get me to promise to reconcile with him!  I really don't think any of my friends would have had him though. They are all smart women and would have run for the hills the minute he showed an interest!  LOL

Hi Everyone!

I want to thank all posters.  Your advice has been so helpful.  Ihave decided not to fight anymore.  I just don't think I have a snowball'schance in hell.  The Judge thinks Dh is a sexual offender.  Even though he has a copy of DH's clean child abuse background check.  Seems delusional to me but this man gets to make ll the decisions in my life and that of my kids.  The first custody evalyator place such restictions on DH that it took almost three years to undo them.  He was at first not allowedon the property when the kids were here.  I wasn't allowed overnights.  Then he was allowed in thier presence but needed supervision by me.  Then could be with them for only one hour unspervised.  Now all of that is gone and he is just like any other step dad except that we cover our backsides as ex likes to make false allegations and we are waiting for him to play the trump card.  

SO we will not fight.  My children will never again live with me.  They will continue to be PAS by SM and BD and these people will use the court orders to malign us and to abuse me every chance they get.  They system won again!

Good luck to all of you in your respective fights for time with your children.  If you ever want to know what not to do drop me a line.  If anyone knows how to move on from this I am all ears.

Butterfly--

You are living MY life!  I have calls exactly like this with my two kids all the time.  I hate it and I am struggling to maintian a relationship with them.  MY kids are DS15 and DD 12.  DD is worse and when I see them out it is obvious that she is doing this stuf in response to her SM.  My ex is also a puppet on a string and SM is the puppeteer.

No one beleives this is aleination but in my heart I know that it is.  Just because my kids have a good time when they are here does not mean they aren't being alaienated while with dad which is 95% of the time.  I am worried for them.

I have undergone two custody evals and lost both times. Ex and SM can convince evaluators that I am nuts and they win every time!

I am reading Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak.  He gives good advice about how to deal with specific things but everything in his book seems to apply to my situation!

Feel free to eamil me sometimes.  I thin if we share stories and solutions and problems we will become stronger and ultimately find a way to beat this without loosing our kids.

eom

I have to agee with everything you said.  However, I guess I'm still just a tad too"human" and hurt.  Maybe it is because this arrangement is so against what I wanted and thought I would have.  Also because I know that the dad is never home and the SM raises the children.  They must ask her permission before signing up for activities, not dad's.  They must ask her permission to have a friend over because dad can't remember their shedule and doesn't know if they can have a friend over or not.  They must discuss any need for mendical, dental or eye care with her.  If they ask dad he asks her if they need to be seen because he doesn't know.  90% of the time she says they are just making things up to get attention and denies them treatment.  Then they tell me about their problems.  I make an appointment for them and when dad takes then to the appointment they deny the sympotons they told me about.  This seres to make me look really crazy and like I have Munchausen's by Proxy.  One doctor has caught on but dad is still Primary Custodial Parent.

He uses this title every chance he gets to let people know that "the children live with us because the situation at HER house is so poor".  This SM runs her husband legal battles.  She herself has come from a family with muliple divorces and knows every trick in the book and a few I am sure that have not been written yet.  She has told my daughter, " My step mother taught me how to be an evil step mother."  I used to think she was joking but now I know she's serious.

This is gonna sound really strange but....I'd have rather had my ex marry one of my friends.  Instead he married a dragon lady he found in the personals while I was still living with him.  He'd take her to lunch then come home and keep me awake half the night trying to get me to promise to reconcile with him!  I really don't think any of my friends would have had him though. They are all smart women and would have run for the hills the minute he showed an interest!  LOL

Hi Everyone!

I want to thank all posters.  Your advice has been so helpful.  Ihave decided not to fight anymore.  I just don't think I have a snowball'schance in hell.  The Judge thinks Dh is a sexual offender.  Even though he has a copy of DH's clean child abuse background check.  Seems delusional to me but this man gets to make ll the decisions in my life and that of my kids.  The first custody evalyator place such restictions on DH that it took almost three years to undo them.  He was at first not allowedon the property when the kids were here.  I wasn't allowed overnights.  Then he was allowed in thier presence but needed supervision by me.  Then could be with them for only one hour unspervised.  Now all of that is gone and he is just like any other step dad except that we cover our backsides as ex likes to make false allegations and we are waiting for him to play the trump card.  

SO we will not fight.  My children will never again live with me.  They will continue to be PAS by SM and BD and these people will use the court orders to malign us and to abuse me every chance they get.  They system won again!

Good luck to all of you in your respective fights for time with your children.  If you ever want to know what not to do drop me a line.  If anyone knows how to move on from this I am all ears.

Hi Everyone!

Hope all of you are ready for the holiday.  I also hope everyone who can see their kids have the best t ime possible and that those who can't see their kids can find peace and contentment somehow.

I have continued to reflect upon all of the advice you all have so generously provided.  God, I wish I had the wisdom of King Solomon.  But I am a mere mortal and a NCP mom with a broken heart so I am about the least objective creature God made.

My attorney tells me the Judge will not order any conuseling for the family or even for BD and I.  I had thought Joni's idea was they way to go but this Judge never seems to do what makes sense then crys from the bench, "You people take up too much of the court's time."  It is really frustrating!

A modification would be great.  I would seek more parenting time with the kids.  In NOvember and now this month I end up with them three weekends in a row.  Things with the kids are starting to improve slowly.  I honestly beleive it is just due to the extra time.  However, my attorney tells me that I have to have a full custody hearing just to get a modification.  This is my conudrundum.

I am seriously afraid to make things worse with the kids again so soon after the custody eval this summer.  As soon as BD gets wind of any court action the PAS will escalate again.  But if I do nothing then nothing will change.  After Christmas I will go back to only seeing them four days per month and our relationship will again suffer as it does when they are gone for long periods.

My goodness, the hardest thing ( except for missing my kids like crazy) is having to accept that BD PAS the kids, disobeys court orders, lies. maipulates. seeks out every loophole in the order and gains from it everything he wants and gets away scott free with all of it.  Meanwhile my relationship with the children sufferes.  Their relationships with their half- sibs suffers.  And the court turns a blind eye to all of this.  And on top of that DS1 is starting to do that whole anti-social loophole finding in order to gain thing just tlike BD.  Very unhealthy IMHO.

Yes, the kids will be angry if I choose to go to court.  But they will be angry in part because he will again make life unbearable for them.  In short then I am prevented from going to court by the very thing I want to go to court to protect the children from.  This is a hellish place to be.

My attorney thinks I have a decent case as there is alot going on that is contrarty to "best interests of the child"  I have multiple experts who can testify for me and are willing to do so.  But I am worried about the effect on the children.  And we all know that going to the Judge is a crapshoot at best.

I feel my best option would be "open" mediation but of course they don't do that here.  That is the story of my life.  This county will go on and on about how it has never seen a case as difficult as mine before but will try no novel ideas no matter how much sense they may make.  

Yes, I'm venting.  It is just unacceptable for me to have to just pay my support and the go away and shut up when I feel my kids are being harmed by thier CP's actions and lack thereof.  And being denied reasonable access to me.  If anyone has any ideas for me please post them.  I do appreciate each and every response.