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« on: Dec 22, 2004, 08:14:15 AM »
Hi Everyone!
Hope all of you are ready for the holiday. I also hope everyone who can see their kids have the best t ime possible and that those who can't see their kids can find peace and contentment somehow.
I have continued to reflect upon all of the advice you all have so generously provided. God, I wish I had the wisdom of King Solomon. But I am a mere mortal and a NCP mom with a broken heart so I am about the least objective creature God made.
My attorney tells me the Judge will not order any conuseling for the family or even for BD and I. I had thought Joni's idea was they way to go but this Judge never seems to do what makes sense then crys from the bench, "You people take up too much of the court's time." It is really frustrating!
A modification would be great. I would seek more parenting time with the kids. In NOvember and now this month I end up with them three weekends in a row. Things with the kids are starting to improve slowly. I honestly beleive it is just due to the extra time. However, my attorney tells me that I have to have a full custody hearing just to get a modification. This is my conudrundum.
I am seriously afraid to make things worse with the kids again so soon after the custody eval this summer. As soon as BD gets wind of any court action the PAS will escalate again. But if I do nothing then nothing will change. After Christmas I will go back to only seeing them four days per month and our relationship will again suffer as it does when they are gone for long periods.
My goodness, the hardest thing ( except for missing my kids like crazy) is having to accept that BD PAS the kids, disobeys court orders, lies. maipulates. seeks out every loophole in the order and gains from it everything he wants and gets away scott free with all of it. Meanwhile my relationship with the children sufferes. Their relationships with their half- sibs suffers. And the court turns a blind eye to all of this. And on top of that DS1 is starting to do that whole anti-social loophole finding in order to gain thing just tlike BD. Very unhealthy IMHO.
Yes, the kids will be angry if I choose to go to court. But they will be angry in part because he will again make life unbearable for them. In short then I am prevented from going to court by the very thing I want to go to court to protect the children from. This is a hellish place to be.
My attorney thinks I have a decent case as there is alot going on that is contrarty to "best interests of the child" I have multiple experts who can testify for me and are willing to do so. But I am worried about the effect on the children. And we all know that going to the Judge is a crapshoot at best.
I feel my best option would be "open" mediation but of course they don't do that here. That is the story of my life. This county will go on and on about how it has never seen a case as difficult as mine before but will try no novel ideas no matter how much sense they may make.
Yes, I'm venting. It is just unacceptable for me to have to just pay my support and the go away and shut up when I feel my kids are being harmed by thier CP's actions and lack thereof. And being denied reasonable access to me. If anyone has any ideas for me please post them. I do appreciate each and every response.