Messages

SOC,

After not having seen my children for over one year I decided it was time to try one last time. Shortly after having my ex served, the children (15&12) were brought, by their mom, to see their GAL.  That evening I received a horrifying email from my oldest. The email made it very clear that she had been given the papers from the court to read and she was enraged.  The GAL never spoke to me, hasn't talked to me in 4 years, and told my children she was going to "take care of him in court".  I know these things because of a small miracle that took place the day after receihving my daughters email.  Without getting into the details, my oldest daughter and I have started talking and spending some time together. I can't help the horror I feel inside. I realize that family court is severely broken, but what is the meaning of promoting anger, hate, and aggression in our children toward one of their parents.

1)Why would a GAL do such a thing?  
2)Is this legal? If not, is it just another unjust act that we must contend with?

Not to butt in but :-) I've been there for this one.  The other parent simply states that they did not NEED the service, "the kids were just visiting with their grandparnets for a few days".  

Save yourself the agony, the cash, the turmoil, and most of all the, "no children, you can't go to grandma's or your father will take me to court BS".... Just my opinion but I think it's better to focus on the time you get/want with your kids.  ie, if you want to take them during some period when they will be off from school. Plan ahead and send a certified letter asking.  If the other parent sends back a reply saying, sorry, they are with (pick an alternate to you of the day)".  Then you can start compiling evidence.  If it happens twice it means nothing.  If it happens 20x MAYBE you get a sympathetic ear from the judge. Maybe you get told to go soak your head...

Sounds like what I've been doing.  Thanks for the thoughts.  For some reason it feels better to have others confirm there's little that can be done.

Happy New Year!!

Hi Soc,

It's been a long time since I've posted. I won't go into the history except to say I've been before the judge 2 times over the past few year, dismissed every time. Even when I had a report from a Master Social worker stating my ex was preventing me from having a meaningful relationship with my children.

Last June my oldest daughter (15) started getting into trouble in school.  Her teacher began calling me, so I tried to intervene. Instead of helping it blew up in my face and the child simply refused to come see me any more (a little help from mom who told her I was starting trouble and if she didn't get her homework done I would aggravate her life by taking her to court). Her younger sister, who sadly looks to her older sister for guidance, followed suit. Shamefully, I gave up. I would have fought the system till the end of my days but once my children looked me in the eye and proclaimed everything was my fault, I simply had nothing left in me.

With the exception of a few emails there's been nothing. I haven't seen or spoken to them in 8 long months. That goes for their grandparents, aunts/uncle, cousins, all who had great relationships with them. Sometimes in their notes they tell me how much they love me. But that's it. I religiously mail them, send them little things (Monarch butterfly's in chrysalis, little trinkets, or details of happy experiences...) I live with the fear of what damage they may encure from all this.  Along with the echo of a court evaluator who once told me, "you must never give up", but failed to tell me what to do when the children did. I know I'm not alone in this. I've met many dads who are sharing the hell ride. My question:

1)What would you recommend as the path?
PS
I have written, talked to, and pleaded with my local officials to help us. Most blow spoke up my butt...

Happy Holidays to you and yours :-)

I received a call from my daughters school last week.  Her teacher told me she was very concerned.  She tells me my daughter is in danger of failing classes, mostly due to incomplete homework assignments.  She also indicated that she would be willing to spend time after school to help her make up the assignments.  I contacted my ex and let her know what is happening.  I also offered to leave work and pick up my daughter after school to help make sure the assignments get done.  The response was, "You can ask her if she wants your help, if she says okay then you can help her."  This is such a dead end. My daughter is 14 and has told her teachers that she doesn't care anymore if she fails.  She has dyslexia and I believe she needs more one-on-one assistance to get through this.  However, I can't make her want to do it and if her mom won't support me in making it happen, then it just won't get done. The end of the school year is a few short weeks away. I have only one more weekend with her and I don't know that it will be sufficient.

1)I don't even know what to ask anymore.  I don't want the kid to fail and I know it will take a firm loving stance and willingness to provide the support she needs.  What can I do? I've been beaten up so many times by their GAL that I'm gun-shy. I know this isn't the proper format and my question is vague.  I'm a desperate dad that is struggling with idea of turning his back.  She needs help, she isn't asking for help and she's not going to accept it because she doesn't believe she can do it. There's a difference, that's why 14YO's still have parents.  What can I do?

Soc,

I have recently discovered a box filled with pre-divorce bank statements and expense vouchers submitted by my ex to companies she worked for prior to our divorce.  Upon further investigation I found a check my ex wife wrote to herself, from our joint account to an out of state account in her name. This account was never disclosed.  I called my bank and obtained monthly statements for the 2 years pre-divorce and this is what I've found:
-The expense vouchers add up to a large sum, ~50K.
-The expenses, usually for business travel, were charges to a credit card and then paid for from our joint account.
-I can find no evidence of these business expenses being deposited back into our account even though they were reimbursed by the companies.
-There was a large (8K transition) at one point from our account to an account in her moms name.

I suspect that the expense reimbursement checks were sent someplace else. Possibly the moms account, but no way of knowing for sure. There was a safe deposit box that she revealed but of course stated there was nothing in it (yea right).

Some relevant notes may be, the x began the process of purchasing a home before the divorce was complete. I'm sure there was a incentive to portray a good asset and credit standing to get financing. I've never seen this information though.

So my questions are:
1)It's coming up on 2 years since the divorce was granted and signed by a judge. Is it too late to go after funds that were not disclosed?
2)If yes to #1 then we can drop the rest.  Otherwise, What can I do to get the information I need to prove this?  Can I have copies of the expense checks from the companies she worked for subpoenaed, and/or find out if they were deposited in another account?
3)Can I get a copy of the loan application she applied for since we were still married at the time? (The loan was granted)
4)I truly don't know where to begin, anything you can offer would be a great help.

On this Note
 My order doesn't say who gets to write off the kids.  I assumed it was the CP by default.  Why would I go assuming that  . . . . .

What if your order doesn't say anything about who gets to claim the kids??

Typical situation.  Every time my children are excited about doing / going somewhere with me, their mom offers an alternative (bigger and better). Twice this year the children were invited by friends to vacation with them at specific times (In the past we have vacationed with these people and the kids had a blast).  Both times the ex offered an alternative vacation plan to take place at the exact time (bigger and better). The parents that invited the children are willing to put in writing that they did invite the children, at those specific times, and that the children were excited about going.

Also, my ex is planning on taking the children out of the state without informing me. She has further coached the children into deceiving me about the trip.  Specifically, they were told that if I found out they wouldn't be allowed to go. I certian that the tickets have already been purchesed.

1) Will the court consider these written statements as evidence that my ex is constantly thwarting my attempts at maintaining a relationship with my children?

2) If yes, is there a format that the written statements must have?

3) As a parent with joint legal, shouldn't I be made aware when my children are going to be getting on a plane and leaving the state? I would think that flight times, destinations . . . .

4) If yes to #4, is there some time frame for notification or can my ex wait until the last minute and then tell me?

Soc,

All things unequal. If I'm already sure I'm going to end up back in court.  Is it better to be on the offense?

My ex is threatening, via email' to violate my court ordered visitation time.  Basically, she doesn't want to negotiate our current order,which doesn't allow for vacations' but has stated that she has already booked a vacation and intends to go.
1)When does this become contempt?
2)Are there any other charges that can me made or do I have to wait until the action takes place?

Thanks Soc