Meth Addict

[jc2005]

The CP(mother) is unfortunately addicted to meth.  How can a father gain custody until she straightens her life out.  No physical abuse on her part is suspected.  She does leave them to fend for themselves(3 and 5) while she sleeps literally ALL day.  

What should be the first step to custody if she won't just agree to it and there really isn't money for attorneys?  Could DHR be an avenue to look into or should they be left out of this type thing?

[IceMountain]

My questions for you are....
1.  Can you prove the Meth addiction?
2.  Can you prove she leaves the children to fend for themselves while she sleeps... neglect?
3.  Does she do the meth in their presence... child endangerement?

I would definitely get social services involved.  Report what you have stated here.  Your children can be tested for meth.  If they test positive, in my opinion, you would have a very strong case for custody.   Child endangerement via meth is a serious thing (it's a regular appearance in the newspapers in my area).

Make sure you document everything!  You need to be able to prove your case and that the court would be acting in the best interest of the child by awarding you custody.

Your children are so young to be taking care of themselves while the mother sleeps.  This is a very dangerous situation for them to be in.  I truly hope social services will get involved for the safety of your children!  My heart goes out to you.

[hagatha]

How can you prove the children are left to fend for themselves? Is she stating this to you or are the kids teling you this? Remember to a child that young all day is a relative term.

Are you available to go to her house and check on the children during the day? have you done this at all?

Are you relying on friends and neighbors to confirm the neglect? Are your children running outside without her knowledge?

Tell me Exactly how you can prove she is doing meth and your kids are left alone?

The Witch

[jc2005]

The information comes mostly from what the boys say.  The older brags on himself all the time for being a good big brother by helping the younger one get dressed, made him a sandwich, take a bath, played with him, etc.  When asked where mom is while he's being a good big brother he says that she was taking a nap, or sleeping.  He said that once he could't get her to wake up for a long time and got scared.  They both complain about not getting to go here and there because mom is always taking a nap.  She acts/sounds/appears to be loaded the majority of the time that the boys are picked up.  She has those sores all over herself from the poison of the meth seeping out of her skin.  She has(neighbors say)all sorts of scum coming and going at all hours.

How do I get concrete proof of the drug abuse.  If she would straighten up and take care of the kids there wouldn't be any problems but she obviously can't see what she's doing to them.  Taking custody away from a mother, even if it's temporary, is next to impossible.

Suggestions?

[TPK]

Have the court order her to take a drug test. I would try a hair follicle test because supposedly you can't beat (cheat) that test. You might want to read up on how long Meth stays detectable in a person's system, and then figure which drug test will best detect it ie blood, urine, hair etc.

Don't wait til it's too late, do it now.


Best of luck to you.

TPK

[janM]

Ask the local police to do a child welfare check.
If the kids answer the door and say mommy is sleeping, and she is very hard to awaken, they can probably tell if she is under the influence and could take the kids. If they do this, make sure they notify you.

[nosonew]

What better way for her to get caught than that?

If they are ever afraid, scared, etc... tell them to call 911.

The cops will take one look at her and know what is up. Then THEY will notify social services... etc., etc.

Good luck..

[Kitty C.]

I'm in EMS and have taken a few meth awareness classes to know that, regardless of whether there's physical abuse or not, those children MUST be taken from their mother.

If she is an addict, it's HIGHLY likely that she is cooking and/or exposing the children to the cooking operation in some way.  That is abuse in and of itself.  The chemicals used and the fumes created from the manufacture of meth are extremely toxic.  One thing they pound into us is to NEVER enter a building that is suspected to house a meth cooking operation.  When meth operations are found by LEA, they are dismantled by professionals wearing bio-hazard suits.  Does that tell you anything?  Also, the risk of fire with a cooking operation is enormously increased.

If it were me and I suspected the BM was using, I'd demand an ex parte hearing to get an order for her to be tested.  Offer to pay for the test if she comes clean........which I highly doubt.  There are differences between jurisdictions, so what your local LEA can or can't do will can differ from others.  But the bottom line is that, IMO, those children are in imminent danger.  

Iowa, and many other Midwest states, have high volumes of meth labs because of the rural areas and the capability of hiding labs made easier.  Fortunately, laws were changed recently to make it more difficult to cook, but it doesn't change the fact that we've had our share of parents being taken into custody and children put into the welfare/foster system, and dangerous and deadly fires/explosions as well.

Do whatever you have to do to protect those children.  Teaching them to use 911 is admirable, but they are very young and if the situation warranted it, they may not know they are in danger.  I'd try law enforcement and certainly welfare checks.  LEA's first concern will be to protect the kids and getting them out of there.  After that, it will be up to you and the court system to ensure they get placed with you and not into the system.

[hagatha]

jc2005,

OK. couple thinngs you need to do. the other posters gave you great suggestions but there are some things that ill help.

First, does your oldest know Your phone number? if not get that taken care of immed. write it down for him is necessary.

Then instruct him to call YOU if he can't wake mommy or gets scared when mommy is asleep OR if mommy is doing something with fire and it smells funny.

As soon as he calls you get in your car and get you butt to her house. Call the police while in route and explain your child called because mommy wouldn't wake or whatever.

Next call HER mother and explain you are worried about her and the kids and can She go check on things because you may not be able to get there fast enough. (BUT make sure you get there first)

Meet the police there and have them enter the house. If mom is unconscience and is not capable to care for the children they, the police should release the children to you.  Make sure you get a report from the police that they found her high. Take the kids and leave her mother to deal with the crap.

File an ex-parte order for primary custody on the grounds mother cannot care for the children and were removed by the police etc.

The best part of this is Her mother must testify that mommy dearest was unconscience and were removed by the police. That mommy dearest was so high she could not care for the children

The police report and her mothers testimony should be enough for a change of custody with supersised visits until mommy dearest is straight and sober.

An old friend of mine did this almost 25 yrs ago, back when is was almost impossible for a dad to get custody. He was awarded sole physical and legal custody with supervised visits.

The Witch
Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[Stepmomnow]

Kitty, would the chemicals be in the children's blood stream just from being present when the Meth was made?  I have a friend who got custody of his 4 year old when he had the child tested for marijuana.  Turns out the older step brother was smoking in front of the child and it was in the child's blood stream.  My friend now has full custody.