Just needing some moral support...m

[Kitty C.]

.....between a parent who fights and a parent who won't.

ICITD, the only possible advice I could give you (or more specifically, to your daughter) is to keep trying.  Sometimes it takes a few 'events' for the powers-that-be to finally see the light and they will realize that, regardless of how much the father fights, they don't want a minor child constantly running away, WITH the distinct possibility that serious harm could come to her in one of these attempts.  Then THEIR butts would be on the line because of all the times they've sent her back to where she didn't want to be in the first place.  Just something to think about..........

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

With all due respect, I ask that you please consider your words before saying them. I begged and borrowed to the point of bankruptcy to keep my children. I am not a parent that won't, I'm a parent that can't.

That's all I'm gonna say.

[olanna]

What I feel she was saying is that a parent, like me, that won't fight with the other parent, and at some point is going to call the hand of the court system, will win.

I knew the court system would NOTHING to help my sorry assed ex.  He won because of money, he played me out. But his trophy jumped ship and came back to where he belonged.  To this day, he does little to nothing for any of his kids.

I am sure you have fought but next time the kid runs away, don't involve the police.  They are peace keepers, period, not civil lawyers.  Go ahead and make your child safe and keep her with you.  Let your ex try to force her back.

I'm telling you, it won't happen.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

There was nothing said regarding me and the other parent fighting, so I did not get that impression.

The officer that responded was, according to both my daughter and my sister, very much in favor of my daughter staying with my sister. However, he also advised my sister that had she taken my daughter to her her  home 7 miles up the road, she could have had charges brought against her. And my X would not hesitate to do that.

My friend who lives in another state, though mile-wise, very close asked her lawyer friend if my daughter could "run-away" to her house. She was told that she could be charged with custodial interference as well as "state line laws" even if my daughter walked across that state line.

So....my daughter is in fear of being sent to Boot Camp and bringing problems to those willing to help her. So she stays put.

[lucky]

I'm in MN, and that DID happen in our case.  Dh's ex and family encouraged OSD to run away and told her that if she kept running away, the court and social services would give her back to her mom.  Please keep in mind, she'd had custody but lost it in a court battle in which we proved serious neglect in all arenas - health, education, safety, basic needs (winter clothing, food, electricity, a place to live) - they then tried the false abuse accusations and those didn't work so they went to the "run away" scenario.

Anyway, OSD did it and the ex and sister were hiding OSD.  The police told them that if they had OSD or if they knew where OSD was, but didn't give that information up, they could and WOULD be charged with custodial interference/kidnapping.  Magically, ex's parents showed up with OSD at social services the next day who promptly called dh to come and get her - despite the abuse accusations they were trying to claim.  

That night OSD ran away again - ex's family were again told there would be charges if they hid her and again, OSD magically appeared at social services with ex's parents.

OSD was then put into a correctional type group home instead of coming home (she said she'd run again) which ex successfully fought, however, her winning that battle ended up with OSD going into the foster care system for the next three years with a couple of correctional placements thrown in for good measure.  When she was finally sent home from foster care, it was to our home as, once again, the ex was homeless and couldn't even provide the basic necessities.

I'm not saying that BWB's daughter deserves to be in boot camp nor do the family members deserve to have charges brought.  Based on what BWB has said, I can't blame her daughter for running.  But the law is the law - and judges/police DO enforce it, especially if the custodial parent is pushing to have it enforced.  

In our case it WAS in OSD's best interests to live with us, not the ex and the runaway scenario backfired in the biggest sense of the word for ex as she still owes the county money for the 3 years OSD was in foster care AND she didn't get OSD and when she was homeless (about 1/2 of the 3 years) she didn't get visitation with her either.  OSD is now 21 and came home at 17.

Just be careful.  Olanna and Mixed have different outcomes, so it can happen that way.  But it doesn't always.


[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[olanna]

He didn't turn out to be the hater my ex wanted him to. He loved me and no matter how many bad things were said by my ex and his wife, my son never stopped loving me.

And same here.  It did turn out right for me and it has for many people, but we are also talking from east to west coast, which makes it really hard to fight.

;)

[Kitty C.]

........that no two jurisdictions will handle the same case the same way.  As I stated before, a LOT can depend on how much the parent who currently has custody fights to bring the child back.  In Olanna's case, there was no fight whatsoever, in the OP's case it sounds like the other parent would stop at nothing to get the child back, including threatening her (even tho it came from the authorities).

I Cry in the Dark,  I meant absolutely NO offense when I made my post.  I meant that sometimes it takes a few tries to make the authorities see that nothing they do will change the mind of a determined child.  But if they and the other parent are willing to stoop to threatening with boot camp or juvenile detention, then I have nothing but distain for them and the utmost empathy for you and your child.  I can't believe that a parent would 'abuse' a child in such a way and pray that your daughter can somehow hang on to her love and determination for you, and manages to overcome this period in her life as unscathed as possible.

[Sherry1]

kid refuses to go back home.  DH had no recourse with OSS because had he went to BM's town and took him and left, then it would be considered kidnapping.