Change of Custody to Father... Should We

[momof7]

your husband's "less than desired effort"   ??
hmmm.. my husband and I are on the same page...
I just had a miscarriage...
I'm really not sure how much more my husband and I can do.. the judge flat out denied our demands..
The judge wrote, "need more evidence to change primary custody" on the document.....so we are gathering the evidence, past, and I'm very sure, future...
maybe I didn't clarify what is going on...
hmmm.. anyway
I do appreciate your thoughts and comments and use everything that I can..

when I say "I" I really mean "we", its just that "I" am typing on the computer.. and I think my husband and I are half-way decent people.. We just don't have primary custody.. :P   and I think that we were showing love by considering all the costs that would be paid if we started a custody battle.. not monetary costs, but rather, the costs to the kids.. they would suffer A LOT because their peace would be disrupted and their home threatened...  

They don't know that they are being neglected.  They think that they have a lot of freedom and can do whatever they want.. and they are right!   :P  

I hope that clarifies some things a bit...

[jopanate]

I appologize for my post, I am new to this.  I thought the newest post were at the top.  I have been reading on and I am sorry for your loss.  I can't believe the judge denied the request.  It makes me wonder what someone has to do to get custody in this country.  My ex wifwe worked at an escort service and has two felonies pending in court, but the judge won't let me plead my case.  She is using legal aid, and I can't afford a lawyer.  I was hoping to get some ideas here.  Good luck

[momof7]

Thank you for apologizing..
unfortunately it seems that you are seeing how very hard it is to change custody, especially if you are the man...
We use the legal aid 'cause we can't afford a lawyer either, but sometimes, they are really not helpful..We've been steered the wrong direction on some crucial areas...
I'm sure you will gain some great insights on this site, as we have.   But I always try to remember that in the end, when these kids are adults, they will remember everything that you have said and done.. And you will pay for it dearly or you will reap the benefits of a close relationship with them... That is what's really important...
I wish you all the best..
you would think that her having 2 pending felony cases would help you, have you looked into legal aid for that?  Just claim poverty, they don't actually check... ssshhhhhh.....  the felony cases leave a paper trail, the escort service I don't know..
will she possibley serve jail time?  

[jopanate]

God knows I pray she will serve some jail time!  That SHOULD make the custody issue easier to decide.  But, with what I've seen from the court sytem, I'm not getting my hopes up.  Everyone talks about "the best intrest of the child" and we all get this warm fuzzy felling, nod our heads and think "Ah!  They want what's best for the kids".  But the courts make it soooo tough to do what's best.  When I first talked to my lawyer about the divorce and told him I wanted custody, he said "unfortunatly, in Nebraska, a woman can show up to court with her pimp and a crack pipe and still get custody".  That didn't make me feel to good, but the irony knocked me on my ass when she showed up to court with her pimp...er escort service owner.  This fact was pointed out to the judge who then said as long as she was never arrested for prostitution, it didn't matter.  Anyway, I digress.  Do you have any suggestions where to go (on this site or off) to get help?

[T0052SC]

I totally agree, but it doesn't even matter if you are the CP.  I am a CP and deel with constant neglect and abuse to my two young children.  I have made calls to CPS and get the response of I am just trying to get the other parent.  The children's counselor is now involved and hearing first hand from the kids what is going on.  So now hopefully something will happen.  She has already told my EX that she will be the first to call CPS if any of the stuff that I say is going on, and if she was the worker assigned she would assure that she only had supervised visits.

[momof7]

CPS WENT TO HER HOUSE!!!!
How do I know!?
She has been screaming at us ever sense!
How did she know that we called?
apparently she saw the origniated document with my name as the reporting party.. (My husband's primary language is Spanish, so I did the talking...)
info that she would not have!
OMG!
Isn't that a breach of confidentiality!!!!!!????
hehehe (evil laugh)

she  told me, "its' not any of YOUR business, this is between me and ** (DH)
hmmm...
hello? he initiated the report... (idiot)
I wonder if I should call section 8? (A gov program that pays the rent for low-income people...)
they are the ones paying the rent for her sister and her kids...
section 8 will cut them off so fast because she is committing FRAUD! BM is living there illegally..

As far as informing Section 8... here's the thing....

We are only paying $659 a month in Child Support..  I honestly think its very little, but no, I don't want to pay any more..  
She does receive food stamps and Medi-Cal..
But she does not receive Welfare (I don't know why... fraud? time limits?)
So in reality, there is no way in he|| that she could afford to live anywhere else than with her sister. She has 4 kids (3 of which are ours..)
How on earth could she afford to pay rent, utilities, ect on an income of only $659 / month..
I guess we are worried that she will attempt to move away to Los Angeles which is 9 hours away. (she has brothers there) Right now she is blocked by court documents to do that, but that won't stop her from petitioning the courts to do that.
So, its always very complicated I guess.
oh, did I mention that she is an illegal alien, so therefore it is technically "illegal" for her to work, nor has she EVER had a job??
Her being her in the US illegally has never helped us in the courts, so that really is a mute point I guess.  My husband is a US citizen, by the way.


But CPS DID bring up the issue of 9 kids in the 3 bdrm house.

 Would they force the issue? :o (and the kids were all home because it is summer vacation) :D

I will anxiously await your comments, they are very helpful..

[jopanate]

YEAH!!!!  It's about time there was some movement!  Let's hope the Gov. officials aren't distracted by something shiny until it's resolved!

[wendl]

Thats great, especially when CPS usually dose swat when a ncp calls them.

Prayers the kids remain safe. and omg 9 people in a 3 bdr ewwww.

I am suprised section 8 hasn't caught on, I know a friend of mine was on section 8 and they came periodicially to the house (they make an appointment 1st) my friend had her boyfriend living with her and her 4 kids but when section 8 people call to make an appt, all his belongings went into the car.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[flewwellin]

I think that for the safety of your stepson you should definitely pursue custody