Change of Custody to Father... Should We

[momof7]

Here's the thing.  I am the step mom to my husbands 3 children.  We have 3 children ourselves.   And I am newly pregnant....So...
Last week my stepson who is only 4, was at the park at 9pm.  no adults were with him.  The park is very far from his mother's home.   He BROKE his leg!  But even worse, Bio Mom did NOT call us to take him to the hospital until the NEXT day!  The leg was clearly broken, no guessing about it.  A week prior to this, he came to our house with a bad burn from an iron.  My step daughter, age 2, is still not saying anywords.  no words at all.  :(     We've had to take our other son (7) to the ER twice upon pick up from her house.   Their mother has let the medical insurance lapse AGAIN.  And becasue we are not the custodial, we cannot get it either.   Bio mom is not supervising the children, and they are constantly with bruises etc.   We are considering strongly filing for immediate temporary custody and then at the hearing pushing for a permenant solution.  My question is:  I am usually sick as a dog and tired to no end the first 3 months of my pregnancies.  Do I have any business picking up a WW3 that will happen in this impending custody battle?  Do I have any business not doing this?  The timing could not have been any worse, but this was so unexpected.  I have a 13 and 12 year old than can help me, but that is a lot of responsibility .  My husband obviously too, but truthfully speaking most of the care will come down on my shoulders... Thoughts? Anyone?

[Kimberly9]

don't initiate anything yourself, but support him in whatever he decideds.  It will be very tough!  You and dh need to be on the same side no matter what.

So if what you have described makes him so angry that he files the motions without any pressing from you, tell him that you agree and that you will be there to help him through it.  But if instead, he just vents to you and never actually does anything about it -- just be there to listen and help in anyway you can.

Good luck.  Take care of you and your babies!

[momof7]

We have a very good relationship and I think very open communication.  At first I was the one that said, "Oh no, we need to get those guys protected from her"  And imagined, investigated, researched how.  But that is because my husband was at work.  Yet after work, we have been talking and talking until we drop at midnight.  I told him that I will never fight for something he is not filled in his belly to do.  It is not my place.  It is not my responsibility.  The reality is that these are THEIR children.  Not mine.  
My husband was, at first, very fearful of the fact that we know there will be an onslaught of false allegations.  Neither party can afford a lawyer.  But we know that we never speak maliciously of their mother and we know we have absolutely nothing to hide.  If the worse case scenario is that we, again, do not win primary custody, she will at least know, that the kids need closer supervision.  That can be counted as a win.  
It really comes down to this... if we don't do anything about this... Shame on us...

[momof7]

DH=Dear Husband, DS=Dear Son, DD=Dear Daughter, BM= Bio Mom...
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I, (DH) , am requesting primary physical custody of my children due to demonstrated neglect shown by (BM).  
Child (Age)   Incidents
DS (4)   May 14th had a long burn on forearm from an iron.   May 23rd DS  was unsupervised at the park at 9p when he broke his leg.  BM made NO effort to obtain medical care until the NEXT afternoon when she called me to take DS to the hospital. I am worried that permanent damage will result from being untreated for so long.  A report to CPS was made.
DS  (7)   Taken to the ER to be treated for strep throat.  1 month later had to take to Dr. again, for same infection.
I feel that BM discusses everything that happens in court with the children, but DS ( 7 ) is most affected.  
DD  (22 months)   The Dr. is concerned over her speech delay.  I did teach her to say "papa" but DS stated that "mom was very mad" when DD said "papa" at her home.  Had to take DD to the ER for severe dehydration in March.  For the entire month of April, had a yeast infection covering entire diaper area.  
**  According to the Medi-Cal office, coverage has not been provided since 3-31-05.  
**  BM lives in (somecity) in a 3 bdrm home with her sister and her 5 children.  Therefore, there are 9 (nine) children living in this home.  Because there are so many children in a small area, my children are not in a safe environment, and when I pick them up for my visitation time, they are continuously sick and have noticeable marks and bruises.  
**  I will come, unannounced, to bring them happy meals.  Each time I arrived, all of my children, including DS (22 months), were playing in the street, unsupervised.  I am deeply concerned for their safety and spoke to BM about this on numerous occasions.  Yet, still no changes have been made.  
** BM can not drive, so I have been left to care for all of their medical needs.  But because I am not the custodial parent, Medi-Cal will not issue the benefits cards to me, nor can I apply for them.  BM  will not, or can not cover them.  
Therefore, I am requesting an order for Primary physical custody so that I can provide Consistency of:
•   Medical Insurance                                         *    Close Supervision
•   Adequate Space for each child                      *     Safety
I am worried that further, and possibly more harmful things, will happen to my children, for lack of proper supervision


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Do you think that this will finally be enough?  Or do we need to wait for more?

[Kimberly9]

I don't know how the process works in your state.  I would suggest getting some free consultations with different attorneys and ask them how to proceed.

In the mean time. . .can you volunteer to take the kids more.  It sounds like bm could definitely use a break.  The more time they are with you the better.  It might be easier getting an order for increased parenting time and enforcing the medical insurance than it would be to get a complete change of custody.

Stay focused on the kids and you will be fine.  You are headed in the right direction . . . the kids need you and the stress will be worth it.

[HeavenSent]

A four year old child suffered with a broken leg over night with no medical attention and you are wondering what to do?!!?

Step one:  Get off your computer.
Step two:  Pick up the phone.
Step three:  Dial social services!

[momof7]

lol
lol
we did that of course...
and we have the paperwork ready to file
however, I suffered a miscarriage yesterday
so right now I am on bedrest so I won't hemorrage (sp?)
as soon as I am able, tomorrow?, we will be filing

[HeavenSent]

Phew...thank goodness (about the phone call).

Sooo sorry for your loss.  My prayers are with you & family.

[momof7]

ok we filed an "ex parte" emergency change of custody hearing
we are waiting to hear back from the courts.
we could have the answer back this afternoon or tomorrow
the legal aid said that they reasons I listed are "very compelling" and well-written.  They see no reason why it wouldn't be approved.
BM would get NO visitation until the hearing, but that will be early next week anyway. After that she would get supervised visitation (she would have to pay 1/2) until the big hearing which could be 6 weeks from now.  so..
that's where we are...
Child support, visitation, and custody modification are all in the works..
oh boy...

[Kimberly9]

Your strength amazes me.  Positive thoughts and prayers are headed your way.