What do we do???

[DMcD]

Yes, we found him and yes, he ran to moms. Only problem is, she lives 400 miles away. Appears that his g-ma bought him a one-way bus ticket. Not sure if it was prompted by PBFH. We have to wait until we get next month's phone bill to see if he ever called g-ma or if it was just PBFH. Frankly, I don't care. They are the most screwed up family on the planet and I have no idea what to do. G-ma was born in Mexico and still has strong ties through both culture and her extended family. It wouldn't take much for my skids to just disappear. Problem is, they want to see their mother. Of course they do. Just because she is one of the most f*cked up human beings on the planet doesn't change the fact that she is their mom and they love her.

OSS's therapist is recommending that he remain with us over the summer to ensure he have stability. SD will probably have to go to summer school here since PBFH believes that public schools are teaching her children evil, immoral ideals. YSS is really making good progress in school and with therapy and he won't get the needed support services with PBFH. It also appears that she doesn't believe that therapy will help her kids. This is just so freakin' screwed up. We can't win for losing.

I am so physically and emotionally exhausted that I don't know what to do. I am constanly questioning our choice to move the kids up here. SD told me yesterday in church that she has lost her faith in God. I have no idea why, but it breaks my heart to see her like that. Especially with as devout and pious she was when she first moved up here. She was actually considering being in part time ministry just a year ago and now she has given up on the hope and healing that her faith could give her.

OSS, although already headed down that path when he moved up here, has been using drugs and become a real handful. Who knows, maybe that private school that we were trying to "save" him from was just what he needed. Yes, he failed all his classes last year but he's failing all his classes this year, too. At least the private school was trying to teach him good morals and ethics and would beat the holy hell out of him if he acted up.

YSS is the only one who seems to be doing better here than down there. He is catching up and is almost grade level on his reading, spelling and vocabulary. His math is still 2 years behind, but his math scores are coming up. Even so, he seems to be telling most everyone that he will probably go back to live with PBFH next year, so obviously, he's still not too thrilled to be here.

All I know is that me and DH get no gratitude at all from the kids, PBFH is making our lives hell and the kids seem to be getting worse rather than better. How can we be putting all this effort into the kids and seeing it get worse? I am just so lost. Eight months of therapy, medical and dental treatment, active involvement with schools and remedial help with academics and intervention services for behavior are making it WORSE!!! We aren't perfect parents, but c'mon! PBFH hardly ever saw them and gave them to her church and her mother to raise. But she is the victim, the martyr and the most loved parent. DH is usually treated like a big jerk and I'm just a non-person until the kids need something.

I'm tired, fed up and feeling really alone right now. Basically, I don't give a rip what happens this summer in court. I'm done. If they stay with us, fine. If they don't, I hope they find the strength in them to grow up to be responsible adults because Lord knows, PBFH can't help them with that.

[nosonew]

Glad he is "safe" at least. (At least you know where he is now).  

You can only do what you can do. I think this is every ncp's nightmare, with the PAS and poor upbringing, the fear of "How screwed up will he/she/they be when I do finally get custody?"  Unfortunately, you are a prime example of a good family, doing all the right things, but it all comes too late to make a difference.  

I just can't imagine what you are going through, but my heart goes out to you.  Perhaps saving one out of 3 may be the best you can do, considering the circumstances.  

Perhaps when they grow up, they will see how much you two tried to do for them, and love you even more for it...someday.  

[DMcD]

That's my worst nightmare - that it's too late to save them. I'm hurt and heartbroken. My kids have suffered through this ordeal with us and they have gone without many things to make sure the child support, court actions and transportation for my skids was taken care of. But PBFH or one of her sisters is always around the corner telling me I'm white trash, a bitch, a "husband stealer" and all other manner of things. I just wish that I knew what I was getting into. 2 1/2 months in the summer is a totally different ballgame than 9 months of school time. I just wish this nightmare would end. I am really looking forward to the break I'm going to get this summer but I'm dreading the messed up, warped kids that will come back. If they stay here, at least we can provide some kind of buffer for the hateful, nasty, twisted things that PBFH says to them. While they're with her, it's a free for all that we can't control. The kids always come back sullen, distant and angry. The longer they are gone, the more intense their anger is and the longer it lasts. When DH had visitation, at least they were happy to be coming here for their vacation. I can't control what other people say to my skids, I can't control how they feel or react to the things they are told and I have no way of changing their feelings or make them understand that their mother has been lying to them about their father for years.

I just pray for strength, guidance and peace throughout this trying time and hope that maybe someday - if I don't lose my mind in the meantime - they will look back at their family and see who really cared about them and who just used them as ammunition in the divorce battle.