What do we do???

[DMcD]

OSS (14) BEGGED the mediator to let him live here. He wouldn't consider any other plan. That's why we spent $10k and immeasurable amounts of stress and emotions on a custody battle. He got what he wanted and now it's not what he wants! DH got home from GA last month and it's been nothing but hell since then. OSS got Saturday school for eating candy in class. No big deal, but he was highly disruptive in class and I think that was the final straw for the teacher. We didn't make too big a deal of it since the Saturday school kind of blew his whole weekend for him since we go to church on Sunday morning until mid-afternoon he would only have Saturday and Sunday evenings.

He was starting to shape up a little and then next thing I know, he wasn't at school when we were supposed to pick him up. Sometimes he takes the bus with a friend, but he had always called before hand. I figured he forgot and didn't worry about it until it was almost 5 pm and I had been expecting him for almost an hour. I called a fwe of his friends and tracked him down. Before I left to pick him up, I got an automated call from the school that said he had been absent at least one school period. Turns out he cut after 3rd period. Skipped school and took off without letting anyone know what was going on - pretty bad, right? It gets worse.

The very next day, OSS sets off a stink bomb in 3rd period and he and his friend (the one who's house he had gone to the night before) got called into the vice principal's office. Their bags got searched and they found a knife in OSS's backpack. He said he had bought it the day before and forgot to take it out. The school followed district policy and called the police out, but the knife wasn't illegal, it was just illegal for OSS to have it on campus. They didn't write him up but he got suspended. This was the Wednesday before Easter break. They said he could come back after the break. The kicker is, the friend had marijuana in his backpack. OSS said he didn't use, but we think he's lying. He's been lying to us for months. OSS keeps saying he wants to return to BM.

BM couldn't discipline him at all. She wasn't home until late in the evening and even when she was home, OSS had no problem giving her the perverbial finger and walking out and doing whatever he pleased. He wants to hang out with all those gang-banger, pot-head losers. He thinks that's okay. He pointed out to DH that we (DH and I) had friends who smoked pot. I asked DH who the hell smoked pot?? NONE of my friends do drugs. In fact, my friends are all in law enforcement, the legal field or the military. OSS said my sister smoked pot. I don't get to choose my sister but I choose to have responsible, sober friends. That kind of back talk is starting to get old.

What do we do with this rebelious teen? The school can't control him, BM can't control him, I can't do a thing with him and DH is at the end of his rope. OSS gets upset because he doesn't get to do whatever the hell he wants to do and sulks in his room all weekend and gets pissed off because DH isn't nicer to him. OSS doesn't give DH anything to be nice to him about! He can't even have one day where the teachers mark down his class behavior was acceptable. I'm afraid of who and what he will bring into the house. I have small kids who put things in their mouths and who like and trust just about everyone. My kids and YSS all look up to OSS and he is setting a beyond poor example for them. OSS's behavior is beginning to get dangerous and I am scared for him but I am also scared for the rest of my family.

Does anyone have a similar experience that might help me get through this? I know some rebelion at his age is normal, but this has gotten completely out of hand and now I just see him slipping away and ruining his life already. Help!

[Peanutsdad]

Hun,  Look into some tough love programs. I have had a few friends that had rebellous kids,, one was a 12 yr old who routinely beat the crap out of her mom, was sleepin with a 21 yr fella (til myself and a coupla friends got him locked up), was doin drugs, smokin, skippin school.

90 day lockdown. She went to class, she worked and slept. She listened to lectures, she got out and now its yes ma'am, no ma'am.


Fact of the matter is,, he needs a authority figure that not only WILL stand up to him, BUT force him to look at his life and what he's doing to it.


http://www.familyfirstaid.org/

http://stade-brestois.org/boarding_school_for_troubled_teen.htm

http://www.helpforrebelliousteens.com/

http://www.wilderness-programs-info.com/


A simple search for "troubled teens" "rebellous teens" turned up 503 hits. Sooooo, ya'll sure aint alone.

[Granny]

Mac, Do you have any At-Risk Youth programs or petitions that can be filed with Juvenile Court?  That's what I'd look at.  I'm in WA and they have At Risk Youth Petitions that will help parents get kids back on track.  You might also ask TM about programs available in your area.  She is a wealth of info.

I'd have him UA'd...if he's hanging with kids who are using, 10 to one he's at least experimenting.  Rein him in now..don't wait.

Gran

[Kitty C.]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!  This is EXACTLY what I've been looking for!!!!!!!!  I don't know how we'll be able to afford it, but I KNOW this is IT!!!!!!!

DS loves the outdoors and the wilderness camps would be perfect!  This is definitely something we're going to look into!!!

[4honor]

Please granny?

[DMcD]

His UA came up positive for marijuana. DH, being in the military, has chosen to make our house a mini bootcamp. We stripped their rooms, chose their clothes, took away their electronics, and scheduled every minute of every hour. DH tells them what to eat, what to drink, what to wear, what to eat and what to say. They have to respond "yes, sir/no sir or yes, ma'am/no ma'am" when they are spoken to. We also have added Wednesday night services to our regular Sunday church attendence.

We are transferring OSS to another Jr. High to get him away from the kids he's been hanging out with. Both the boys are sitting at the dinner table doing their homework, bawling their eyes out. OSS tried to get an attitude with DH. I don't think I have ever hear DH yell that loud. Yep, the kids are in bootcamp. Maybe, just maybe, it will straighten OSS up and get him back on the right path. Ooh, DH just told OSS to start hiving some self respect!

Thanks for yours and PD's advice. I showed your posts to DH and I think that helped DH make the choice to come down hard. I am so worried that OSS and SD got here to late and they are too far gone to get back, but damned if DH isn't going to try. I'll try to keep you all updated and let you guys know if it did any good. Thanks again!

[4honor]

"I'm not here to be your friend. God gave me a job to raise you right and no matter how much you fight me on it, I love you enough to do it the way He told me too. That includes spanking, discipline and not allowing attitudes. You do't like it.... talk to my Boss."

[Kitty C.]

Good one, 4honor!  Gonna have to use that one myself!  Definitely will cause DS to 'back up' when I tell him to 'talk to my Boss'!

[Peanutsdad]

....

[sublimemom]

Just a suggestion - we're sending a just-turned 16 year old to the "Youth Challenge Academy" run by the National Guard.  Although the program is considered "voluntary", when a child chooses to do poorly in school, lie, use drugs, etc., they "choose" this program.  There is no cost to the parents, and its a residential military-like boot camp program that stresses academics in addition to honesty, integrity, etc.   Hopefully, my stepson will be heading off this July for the 22week initial residential phase of the program.  Its in most States - search for "Youth Challenge Academy" and look for your state.  Best wishes!