Have to be honest, I have a problem with this board...

[Peanutsdad]

Sad facts are,, all too often when a dad DOES win custody, its because of deficits in moms parenting. How many CP dads on the boards or in your everyday lives do you really know? How many of them got custody based on mom being mentally ill, hooked on drugs, or violent?


Then  of course it gets translated to,, every ncp mom gets to bear that stigma.


Its no different than the ncp dad who falls behind on cs,, and immediately gets labeled a deadbeat dad. Regardless of WHY, he's got the stigma to bear for all the bums who caused the label to be coined.



Once just as many dads are cp as moms,, or better yet, 50/50 becomes the norm,, the stigma will go away.

[Kitty C.]

Dads have to fight SO hard to be involved with their kids that when they are given custody, they likely have had to paint the BM in as unfavorable light as possible.  In your situation, as with gr8dad, you guys have fought and fought and fought and, as with gr8dad, even with overwhelming evidence of the utter incapabilities of the mother, it
STILL isn't a done deal.  Thus, because the fights are so acrimonious, many making local headlines, the NCP mother is painted in an extremely bad light.  

And this country is known for stereotyping, too.  They hear of these horror stories and quickly assume that ANY mother that ends up as an NCP, REGARDLESS of the circumstances, must have done something very terrible to lose their children.

And that's only one side.  On the other, you have CP fathers who are just as vindictive and volatile as many of the BM's we hear about here every day.  JMO, but I think the only thing that would help with that prevalent attitude is more JPC legislation.  Once you even out the playing field, neither parent can be reflected in a bad light.

What needs to be changed also is getting away from the stereotypes and changing attitudes.  And if wishes were horses........

[justme73]

maybe what it boils down to is that divorce really brings out everyone's anger and wish to get back at the other person. and in the case of custody some parents choose to be vindictive in how that attain custody.... then in the end, the CP is intoxicated by the 'win'. that they have somehow gotten one over the other party. it is the power... and i think it can be a mom or a dad.... selfishness is not gender specific.
there are so many issues when we even begin to talk about becoming equal when it comes to custody, primarily because we are in no way equal or the same. i truly believe that there are father's out there that are as in tune to their children's needs as a mother is... like knowing what an infant or child needs just by hearing the pitch of the cry. but i think we all have to admit, those fathers are few and far between. but we should very much recognize them when we see them.
so again when we open up the can of 'equal' worms... does this mean the door is now opened to say...... then the children should possibly have the mother's last name instead of keeping the father's name?
i am not trying to start a fight mind you... this is something that never occurred to me until two weeks ago when my children asked me about it. i am getting remarried next month and they brought up that i would have a different last name. They said (on their own) that they would like to change their name to also have my name. I explained to them that they are their father's children born of our marriage and that they should have their father's name... and i had no doubts about that belief until their response was that they are my children to and deserve to have my last name also. what is equality when it comes to custody?

[justme73]

maybe what it boils down to is that divorce really brings out everyone's anger and wish to get back at the other person. and in the case of custody some parents choose to be vindictive in how that attain custody.... then in the end, the CP is intoxicated by the 'win'. that they have somehow gotten one over the other party. it is the power... and i think it can be a mom or a dad.... selfishness is not gender specific.
there are so many issues when we even begin to talk about becoming equal when it comes to custody, primarily because we are in no way equal or the same. i truly believe that there are father's out there that are as in tune to their children's needs as a mother is... like knowing what an infant or child needs just by hearing the pitch of the cry. but i think we all have to admit, those fathers are few and far between. but we should very much recognize them when we see them.
so again when we open up the can of 'equal' worms... does this mean the door is now opened to say...... then the children should possibly have the mother's last name instead of keeping the father's name?
i am not trying to start a fight mind you... this is something that never occurred to me until two weeks ago when my children asked me about it. i am getting remarried next month and they brought up that i would have a different last name. They said (on their own) that they would like to change their name to also have my name. I explained to them that they are their father's children born of our marriage and that they should have their father's name... and i had no doubts about that belief until their response was that they are my children to and deserve to have my last name also. what is equality when it comes to custody?

[Raisin_3]

Quit going there and arguing with them.  No one is forcing you to be here.