Have to be honest, I have a problem with this board...

[gr8Dad]

This post originally appeared on the "Mothers Without Custody" message board. - SPARC Admin

I have seen the posts on the other boards that this board had been created, and while it irked me, I couldn't quite place my finger on WHY.  It JUST, and I mean JUST, occurred to me WHY I have a problem with this board.

This board, in my opinion, adds to the entire problem with the family court, custody and EVERYTHING that is wrong with family law today.  It goes to the heart of what we, as father's, are trying to fight everyday.  The societal view of each gender, and their role in raising the child/children of a marriage or relationship.

Think back to the way one reacts to different custody situations.  When you meet a custodial woman, we think nothing of it.  We might, if the conversation turns that way, and the custodial Mom is acting inappropriately, let our feelings be known, but it does not change the view of the person.  The same when we meet a noncustodial Dad.  We might give him advice, comisurate on the family court system, etc, but we think nothing of it.

BUT, when we meet a CUSTODIAL Dad, our first thought, even by those of us that KNOW that Dads are just as good as Moms at raising the children, is "Wow, what did she do wrong?".

Now, how does this board help empower that image?  Well, it acts like there are special problems associated with being a noncustodial Mom.  Problems that need to be addressed separately.  When this is simply NOT the case.  

I feel that there should be a board for mothers, or women, just as there is a board for fathers, but to place noncustodial Moms in a special category once again emphasizes the nonexistance difference between men and women as parents, and martyrs those women that do not get custody of the children.

That is just my opinion, I could be wrong.

[jilly]

Appreciate your opinion...but if you disagree with SPARC having this kind of outlet for Mom's who don't have custody maybe you should just not read the posts on this board. Same principle as not liking certain type TV shows. If you don't like that kind of show then don't turn the TV to that channel.
And no...I'm not a non-custodial Mom.  I am happily married to the father of my daughter and am a step-mom to his 6 year old daughter. I have to watch/support my DH deal with a PBFH who does everything she can to frustrate DH so he will just go away and she and her hubby play house. Of course her attempts to keep DH from having a relationship with his daughter don't work so she's not going to win that game.

[janM]

I agree that maybe it should have been called "Mothers' Issues" to be fair. We don't have a "Dads without Custody" board, do we?

[gr8Dad]

There isn't a server in the world that would hold that many names.

[olanna]

this site has represented father's for a very long time. So they branched out to include all of us Mom's that have stepped into your world...

And I take it you don't like it...

oh well, you don't have to come here.

[Kitty C.]

SPARC 'branched out a few years ago, when it changed it's name from FRTC (Father Rights To Custody) to SPARC (Separated Parents Access and Resource Center), thereby erasing the differentiation between genders.  They did this with the knowledge that there are BOTH NCP dads AND moms.  

In many ways, I agree with gr8dad, as this board seems somewhat redundant.  The WHOLE site caters to NCP's, regardless of gender.  Now, since there is a "Father's Board', maybe this one should be called 'Mother's Board'............that makes more sense.  

[olanna]

It is my understanding that this guy had a real battle with his ex over the custody of his kids. He won custody and probably should have it, but he is judging every non-custodial mother by his experience with his ex, (as guess who is now a non-custodial parent in his world).

After being enlightened by many regulars on this board, I am going to consider the source and ignore his attacks.

I need this place to come for support and I have nothing to do with anything or any experience this guy has had. I won't be held accountable and explain things to someone that cannot and will not see past their own troubles.

[gr8Dad]

But I expect no less from certain people.  I simply posted a disagreement.  No insults, simply a different opinion.  I also never asked you to explain your situation, so I will not be accused of holding you accountable, since we have never spoken, debated, nor even DISCUSSED your situation.

But, when you put such a board up, you attract people who are simply out to fight.  Unable to hold a discussion.  If you disagree with them, you are "attacking".  Just wait until the insults and cussing starts.  It will be the most satisfying "I told you so" that I will ever give out.

[Butterfly]

Gleaning pleasure out of seeing others attempt to condemn her says more about you, than it does about her.  Certainly, anonymous posters who we don't know diddly about are not going to give your "I told you so" more credibility.  

If you want to discuss shared parenting or father's rights...you might want to try a more effective approach than taking your misplaced aggression out on those that are not the cause of your intelligent, thinly veiled venom.  Nor are you indicating that you are a credible advocate for NCPs with these types of posts that nit pick her to death, as of late.

I have yet to see you offer up any type of positive support and/or counsel in this new forum for the counterpart NCP.  Just a litany of complaints in this forum.  

So, let me make sure I understand from what direction you come from so that I might take anything you say either with a grain of salt or instead choose to ignore and scroll...

You only advocate for fathers' and stepparents' rights...loving mothers, of any custody category, do not deserve the time of day from you except when the opportunity to point an indignant finger is available.

Obviously, you do not agree that NCBMs should have a forum at SPARC dedicated to addressing another faction of the NCP category, the non-custodial mother.  You've made your position on that subject clear in a thread you started saying so much.  We don't agree with you, it would serve most of us well if you'd accept the fact that not everyone is going to agree with you.

Olanna...I highly suggest that you utilize anything gr8Dad has to say that is useful to you and let the remaining tone of negativity and unnecessary criticism roll right off your back.  I'm safely assuming you get enough of that in your life without his help.  

[gr8Dad]

I didn't SAY that I only supported fathers and step parents.  And as a matter of fact, I WHOLE support anyone that loves their children.  I was simply pointing out that I did not attack her, nor did I insult her, yet I was accused of such.

But, of course, we get the, "You don't agree with us on EVERY issue?  Well, you MUST be against us...".  I never said, indicated, hinted at, or implied ANYTHING of that nature.  Please do not put words in my mouth.