Have tricky situation..experts needed!!

[HelpingHands]

I would send a letter addressed to both of them and state that you will not send another request but that you would really ask that they consider the positives(list them out for him) in him submitting to the blood testing and provide copies of all the information for the studies, the doctor's names and address and ask that they look into it. There are no games, no tricks up your sleeve, the blood sample is soley for this purpose and no other. Not only will he help your son together, but they may be able to prevent other children in the future from having to go through this same hardship your son is currently going though.

I would come from the nicey-nice angle rather than the you have to, you better, how dare you, if you don't I'll MAKE you approach. It's obvious they are being stubburn and hardheaded and it may be the approach, it may be the delivery, it may be they don't have all the information YOU have to make the decision to move forward.  Give them links to the sites you've been researching the syndrome, give them links to the message boards, etc. Powerhouse them with information and ask that they consider helping your son as well as other children out. Let them know how much you appreciate their cooperation and concern ....let them know it will be confidential(if it will be)....

Step into the shoes of someone that is ignorant of the benefits and stubburn about his beliefs. What informaion would you want to know before submitting numerous viles of your blood to dissect and probe into your DNA?

You'll most likely end up paying his attorney's fees if you take this to court, because a court can not force him to submit to bloodwork. Even if he did, he can remain in contempt and continue to refuse to give his blood.  

[mistoffolees]

My thoughts exactly.

Remember that there are people in this country who still believe you can get AIDS from giving blood. Even for those who know better, it's still a significant imposition.

[Sunshine1]

This is something I am going to try.  I am also going to try and set up the bloodwork to be able to be taken at a hospital closer to his home so the driving isn't a factor.

I am going to take away all of his excuses.  Even though it is going to just about kill me I am going to try one more attempt and play the nicey nice card...which I have been extremely coordial in my last two letters but it is just not sinking in.

But I swear if I get another voicemail from his wife I am going to come unglued.  I don't even say I have an ex husband anymore, I say ex wife because she does ALL the talking.  I just got another voicemail telling me they were moving...SHE says.."according to the decree I must inform you within 10 days"...  

"I MUST"????  When the hell did I become a lesbian??  Don't remember that!?  LOL  :)

[Sunshine1]

>BUT, I was up all night researching Motions to compel and I
>did find a few cases where people were court ordered to submit
>to blood work, psych evals, and there was one more I thought
>was weird but I can't remember right now.
>

As I explained earlier, the only way you can compel is to demonstrate that it is needed for the child's current medical treatment. You can't do that.


That is not entirely true.  By getting this test we will be able to tell how this happened.  If it happened spontaneously at conception or if it is inherited.  We do not know for sure.

It will also be able to tell us exactly "how much" material of the chromosome he is missing.  Also something they were unable to tell us at first diagnosis.

They are linking that when so much of the material is missing things like heart and kidney failure become troublesome at age 20 or that bone development stops at age 16 etc..etc..

The study is only a bonus, but the test is to find out a little bit more about what our son's future might be. AND, when my doctor found out that we had never had this test, he immediately ordered it so HE could find out more about his genetic makeup.  He was going to order it whether I asked him to or not.

[mistoffolees]

>>As I explained earlier, the only way you can compel is to
>>demonstrate that it is needed for the child's current medical
>>treatment. You can't do that.
>
>
>That is not entirely true.  By getting this test we will be
>able to tell how this happened.  If it happened spontaneously
>at conception or if it is inherited.  We do not know for
>sure.

None of which affects the child's treatment.

>
>It will also be able to tell us exactly "how much" material of
>the chromosome he is missing.  Also something they were unable
>to tell us at first diagnosis.

They will learn this from the child's DNA, not the father's.

>
>They are linking that when so much of the material is missing
>things like heart and kidney failure become troublesome at age
>20 or that bone development stops at age 16 etc..etc..

Then they test the child's DNA, not the father's.

>
>The study is only a bonus, but the test is to find out a
>little bit more about what our son's future might be. AND,

The father's DNA will tell you nothing about the child's future. You test the child's DNA for that.

The only thing the father's DNA will tell you is some academic stuff about transmission - which has no impact on the child's treatment.

And they can learn most of that by testing the father's sibs.

>when my doctor found out that we had never had this test, he
>immediately ordered it so HE could find out more about his
>genetic makeup.  He was going to order it whether I asked him
>to or not.

That's between him and his doctor. It still doesn't give you the right to demand the results.

Furthermore, the doctor can't order him to take the test, either.

[mistoffolees]

>This is something I am going to try.  I am also going to try
>and set up the bloodwork to be able to be taken at a hospital
>closer to his home so the driving isn't a factor.
>
>I am going to take away all of his excuses.  Even though it is
>going to just about kill me I am going to try one more attempt
>and play the nicey nice card...which I have been extremely
>coordial in my last two letters but it is just not sinking
>in.
>
>But I swear if I get another voicemail from his wife I am
>going to come unglued.  I don't even say I have an ex husband
>anymore, I say ex wife because she does ALL the talking.  I
>just got another voicemail telling me they were moving...SHE
>says.."according to the decree I must inform you within 10
>days"...  
>
>"I MUST"????  When the hell did I become a lesbian??  Don't
>remember that!?  LOL  :)
>

You're asking the father to do something as a favor to you and your child that has no immediate benefit for anyone involved. Your attitude through this entire thread has been one of entitlement and demanding that he do something for you. You've threatened suing him, and even blackmail (by the normal dictionary definition).

You're not going to get what you want with the attitude - and are only going to make things worse. Some day, you're going to have to learn to live with the fact that he's remarried and he apparently doesn't choose to talk to you. Being a pain about things doesn't make it more likely for him to talk with you.

[Sunshine1]

Are you serious?  I would like to see how you would react if your now ex wife put her new husband in charge.  I have NOTHING to say to his wife he met on the internet and married in 2 months of knowing her and put our kids in danger.

She tried to kill herself in front of our children and in a police report made by her husband has made 37 attempts in 2 months.  She is court ordered to stay away from our children and she calls me while he is at work.

I am fully aware that he is remarried and his children are suffering for it.  He has no problems ditching his children.  Like I said before, he went from being a stellar father to this piece of man that could give a rats behind about them.  THAT is what I don't understand.

Our relationship was fantastic after our divorce, we have a very needy child and had an amicable divorce.  He has spent dinners with us and we with his new wife and one day she just snapped.  He called here to tell us that he was sleeping at a rest stop so she couldn't find him and if I needed to get ahold of him to call his friend's house and he would call me back.

You have no idea how whacko this situation is.  He went back and that must of been the deal breaker, ditch your old family or you lose me and your new kid.

I don't get to speak to him, the letters, emails, and voicemails are all from her and are intercepted from me.  I even send them restricted and the last one the stupid post office let her sign for it!  I have no idea if HE is really making this decision on his own at all??

Our sons went from seeing their dad every week at a minimum of 48% of the time to nada, ziltch, zippo.  Our 11 year old can't even talk about him and our youngest thankfully has forgotten about going there.

I don't think I am entitled, but I sure do believe the kid he tossed in the garbage is entitled to EVERYTHING I can possible come up with to make his life better.

Your not making me feel bad about blackmailing, suing, demanding, or thinking I am entitled, thats your opinion and this is mine.  Nothing you posted was what I was looking for.  I even gave you personal, and real specifics and I still haven't seen your professional opinion on this at all.  You haven't helped me at all.  Your suggestion is to test his sibs.  I haven't spoken to his family in over 8 years, except his father and one sister.  What do you think they are going to say to me exactly when I call them up.  They don't even speak to him, why would they speak to me?  Not an option.

I was looking for arguments to present to make a case and since there is no more SOC, I have to post here.  You gave nothing but mean, nasty comments on how dare I black mail him.  How is that helpful exactly?  Everyone here is looking for advice in their favor.  I don't think I am completely wrong in wanting to pursue this legally even if I don't win... at least I tried.

99% of the NCP trying to pursue custody come here looking for advice in their favor to keep them from going insane and to keep up the fight to do what's right.  I am not some crazed parent who got lost on the internet by coming here! They are all pursuing an outcome in their favor. Is then everyone here blackmailing the other parent to get what they want?  Why are you attacking me for fighting for what is right?  This may just be a moral, do what's right situation why are you so against this?

I have received some great other options (what I was looking for in the first place because I am tapped out of fresh ideas) and I am just going to try them. Then when I get another call to F- off from his wife I am going to file whatever I can file to see if I can compel him that way.  You think I should walk away and do nothing and leave him alone.  Why is that?  You read the genetic study, the study specifically says both parents and our Dr. specifically said both parents, and the genetic labratory has asked for both parents. There has to be some reason all these damn doctors keep asking for both parents to be tested don't you think?

[mistoffolees]

>I was looking for arguments to present to make a case and
>since there is no more SOC, I have to post here.  You gave
>nothing but mean, nasty comments on how dare I black mail him.
> How is that helpful exactly?  Everyone here is looking for
>advice in their favor.  I don't think I am completely wrong in
>wanting to pursue this legally even if I don't win... at least
>I tried.

You asked for advice and I gave it. My advice (echoed by others here) is that you have absolutely no legal grounds to force him to do what you want. If you consider advice that goes against your wishes as 'mean, nasty comments', then you have a lot of growing up to do.

You still haven't explained what legal grounds you have to force him to submit to a blood test which will have no bearing on your son's treatment or prognosis. As I've pointed out, without some legal grounds, you're wasting everyone's time - even your own.

To make matters worse, several people have offered suggestions that might get you what you want if you would just settle down and be a little less vindictive and nasty - and realize that you're asking him a favor. You completely ignored all of those suggestions in your intense rage.

You really need to get some counseling.

I'm done with this thread.