what would u do?

[kiddosmom]

You go girl.

[kiddosmom]

----Most custodial parents give lip service to encouraging the other parent to participate in the child's life, but what they really want is for the other parent to just go away and leave them alone. Then they complain when they get what they want.----

Are you the NCP? Sounds like it, what happened to 'love unconditionally to even those who do not deserve it? I have been on both sides. It is not the responsibility of the CP to make the NCP feel better. It is the responsibility of the parents, NOT just one parent to make sure that their child is rounded emotionally so they can grow to maturity and be all you expect them to be.

[Indigo Mom]

-----The teachings above were given, not just as a key to earning eternal reward, but as a way to be happy in life. Those who follow these guidelines will gladly tell you how much happier they are than when they did not do so.-----

The "teachings" you wrote are nothing more than translation after translation by man who felt the need to retranslate to better his "agenda".  The true meaning behind what you wrote has been lost...long ago.

Please don't preach.  Your religious beliefs ARE yours.  Doesn't mean others want to hear your version of what was written thousands of years ago posted by you to make your "point" that this mother is wrong.  

These are MY opinions, not of SPARC nor anyone else.  

[Brent]

So there isn't any misunderstanding, my comments were not directed at you. I was making a general observation, and not commenting on your situation. I think that you're a 'stand up' person, based on everything I've seen of you.

[1angrystepmom]

Quite an abrasive reponse Indigo.  

I think, the MAIN focus of this whole post has been lost....  The issue should be, and should ALWAYS BE, the CHILD(REN)!!
This is not a Mom is right Dad is crap thing.  

This child is obviously suffering, lets remember that.  He/she probably already feels confused.  I believe the suggestion of counseling was offered.  Has BM considered contacting BD to facilitate short visits, at a neutral location to "reintroduce" father and child??  Maybe even some joint counseling sessions for Dad and child??  How about BOTH parents attend classes on learning to co-parent????

As far as the religion issue....  MANY people find peace, comfort, and guidance from Biblical teachings.  Each passage is interpreted differently IMO, depending at what they are feeling at the moment.  Everyone gets what they need as an individual, at whatever "place " they are in their lives.

Ok, the soapbox is now free....

[MKx2]

I appreciate what you wrote.  As I stated in that post, my intent was NOT to receive any accolades, OR flames.  I did the best I could in my situation armed with the knowledge I had at had at the time.  I am far more educated in these issues now, and perhaps I would have dealt with things differently.  Nevertheless, I did what I did, blah blah blah ....

The subject of the original post was concerning a mother who wanted to protect the child from further psychological damage with a father who "appears" to have little interest in a healthy and consistent relationship.  There are far too many damaged young people in this world who have not had parents concerned, or perhaps educated, enough, to understand so many of these issues.

TGB, I made a choice to NOT post all the details of my former marriage, my ex, etc., out of a preference of privacy - the world doesn't need to know what went on, and frankly it is humiliating to me as an individual.  IMO, given the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage, I have gone over, above and beyond what common sense would dictate in my efforts to better the father-son relationship.  And I continue to do so even now with DS as a young adult of 24.  Nothing would give me more happiness or a sense of wholeness than for DS and his father to come to terms with each other, and have a decent and loving relationship.  I believe with all my heart, that we are given 1 mom and 1 dad in this life, and no one has the right to destroy the child-parent relationship, including either parent who may be acting in a destructive and damaging manner with their child.  Your assumption, TGB, that I merely paid lip-service and/or took the easy way with the issue was so far off base, I was stunned!  

Done with the soapbox, and again Brent, I do thank you for your post.  While some may not share my view it is important to me that others know (yep, even you Brent!  ;-) ) my behavior and intentions have always been, and will continue to be, to promote a healthy relationship for DS and BOTH of his parents, for DH and his 3 children, and any others who may cross my path seeking advice.

I may have approached things in the wrong way or for the wrong reasons at any given point, thus the quote by Maya Angelou, that is on each of my posts ...

I will post nothing further to this thread.

[Indigo Mom]

-----As far as the religion issue.... MANY people find peace, comfort, and guidance from Biblical teachings. Each passage is interpreted differently IMO, depending at what they are feeling at the moment. Everyone gets what they need as an individual, at whatever "place " they are in their lives.-----

Which is exactly why I believe preaching is wrong, UNLESS the person requests it.  Everyone has the right to their own opinions and beliefs, but NOT the right to preach.  Even though I believe different than many, I respect everyones right to believe in THEIR truth.  

-----I think, the MAIN focus of this whole post has been lost.... The issue should be, and should ALWAYS BE, the CHILD(REN)!!
This is not a Mom is right Dad is crap thing. -----

Again, exactly what I said.  TGB believes the mother isn't doing "enough" to get the father to BE a father.  I simply said that no one can change others.  And no, it's not a Mom is right Dad is crap thing....Everyone else wanted to help mud to help her child...until TGB failed to read the original post.  

-----This child is obviously suffering, lets remember that. He/she probably already feels confused. I believe the suggestion of counseling was offered. Has BM considered contacting BD to facilitate short visits, at a neutral location to "reintroduce" father and child?? Maybe even some joint counseling sessions for Dad and child?? How about BOTH parents attend classes on learning to co-parent????-----

I did suggest counseling.  That way, if the father bails again, and after 8 years of doing it, it's more than likely he'll do it again, the child will have a professional helping her.  Also, since he reminds me of my daughters father, I honestly don't believe he or muds ex UNDERSTAND what they're doing to their child.  It's a long shot, but maybe a professional telling them what they're doing will get them to change. The bm has also mentioned hardly ever knowing "where" the father is, so she relies on him contacting her.  And...coparenting classes would be GREAT.  

-----Ok, the soapbox is now free....-----

Color me a moron, but I've never understood this whole soapbox thing.  Everyone seems to use it, I believe I have too...but WTH does it mean?  lol

[Davy]

Hey Indy and please don't preach the VIEWS of an identified cult.

When were you captured ?  Any plans to exit ?

Are you able to explain the lawsuit impacting CAN and the lives of many young people ?  

 

[Indigo Mom]

-----Hey Indy and please don't preach the VIEWS of an identified cult.-----

What?  So now I'm a cult?  Cool.  I wonder how many people I can get to belong to my cult.  What would I call it?  I need to come up with a name right quick and start recruiting members.  

Indy = Cult.  I like that.


-----When were you captured ? Any plans to exit ?-----

First of all, telling you when I was "captured" would make me feel icky.  I would feel violated knowing you knew something so personal. You don't get to know!  I have no intentions of exiting, cause if my being captured torks you off, hell, I'll stick around.  

-----Are you able to explain the lawsuit impacting CAN and the lives of many young people ? -----

Are you able to explain why overweight people are suing fast food chains?  Enquiring minds REALLY wanna know.  

Maybe I can add it to my list of kewl things to do in Indys Cult.  

[Indigo Mom]

You can not blame Scientology because a few people, while Scientologists themselves, beat or killed their children any more than you can blame the Catholic religion for what some Priests have been accused/convicted of doing to little boys, anymore than you can blame God for the bagillions of wars that have erupted in "His" name, anymore than you can blame the Christian religion for all those abortion doctor slayings done by "Christians", anymore than you can blame Allah  for the 9/11 terrorist attacks, anymore than you can blame Jim Jones because more than 900 people voluntarily killed themselves, anymore than you can blame the Jewish religion for the Jewish ritual murders, anymore than you can blame video games for causing a person to brutally assault another, anymore than you can blame gun manufacturers for killing people, anymore than you can blame Mc Donalds for someone getting extremely overweight.

However, you CAN blame the individuals for these acts.  There are extremes in every religion, in every "group" in every cult.  They're everywhere, Davy.  One thing you really need to understand is that each one of us were born with a mind of our own.  Seriously.  We "are" able to think for ourselves, which means we're fully responsible for OUR OWN actions!!!  Stop this whole 'must place blame elsewhere' crap.  

I guess being held responsible for ones own actions isn't your "thing", eh?