Bipolar ex problems

[olanna]

What is it you want to accomplish?

What tools and resources do you have available for you to accomplish your goals?

Yes, I have had similar experience.  We did an intervention because we all believed the person was harmful to *self*...and with that, the person got help, medicine and leads a fairly normal (what's normal??) life and interacts with family.  If the person is left to isolate, there is no one to provide a normal sort of thought process as an example, hence, they slip further and further away...

All the family members were involved. In order to know what you are missing/hurting, one must be aware that there is something missing or someone being hurt..

:)

[Sunshine1]

Frust, email me at [email protected]. ( it is sunshine 1 underscore sparc) I am just now embarking on the trial and tribulations of a bipolar SM (step-mom).  We are currently going through a Guardian ad litem and the whole divorce nightmare seems to be resurfacing.  I feel like I am divorcing my ex for a second time.

Anyway if you just want to chat, cry, or gripe, drop me a line.

It will work out.  Keep your head up!!

[Peanutsdad]

I've laid down very strict guidelines on how I deal with her:


1. When she calls and starts the "manic" fast speech full of hate, I calmly tell her that her number will be blocked for 2 days.

2. I refuse to get into "debates". There are many times her actions or perceptions are WAY skewed.

3. I always speak calmly with her. Raising your voice or using an adversarial stance in speech is a sure way to set her off. Her rages progress to the point where she is inarticulately screaming, so I dont go there.


4. Her "poor me" times,, dont even enable that. Refuse to speak about it, I tell her she has to learn to deal with her issues.



It has helped that she got married. I feel sorry for the guy, he's always on the verge of splitting up with her. Now he has lost custody of his child due to her,,,,so I am rather worried.

[EyeforKids]

GREAT guidelines!

I need to print that and pass it on to someone I know.

Maybe the child can also use this to help cope with the situation.

[MixedBag]

for two step-kids to use....

Very good advice.

Since I have either been on the other extension in the house or listened to the tapes we have, I can really relate when you said "where she is inarticulately screaming".  

I've even seen the two step-kids go at it so bad that neither one of them made sense anymore which was really frustrating for them and stepped in the middle to just plain stop everything.  THEN I told them that neither one was making sense anymore, calm down, and above all THINK.  That was a long time ago, but geez, I can relate.

[MixedBag]

Concentrate on his actions and not his sickness....

He may be sick and that's no reason to deny.

But his sickness may cause unsafe actions and that's what you base your decisions on.

I believe we deal with an undiagnosed Bi-polar BM which is why I printed off PD's suggestion.  

[frust123]

Thanks to you all for coming forward with some advice, I'm going to print it all off.

Please continue to give ideas, as I will check back again soon.

Thanks again!

[almostastepmom]

Hate to not reply to original post, but I'm the SM and have a problem with the BM who has custody of the      2 kids and is Bi-Polar.  We don't know if she takes her medication, but we do notice BIG emotional swings when we talk to her, drop off the kids, or have any contact with her at all....
What do the courts say about all of this, can they play a role in it or do they just stay out of the way like normal?

[backwardsbike]

Hi!

My DH is bipolar.  If the person is not taking their mediacations they are not stable.  And alcohol use is a predicted outcome of stopping the meds.  I firmly believe that you should make certian that the man is taking his meds and sober prior to visits even supervised visits.  

I may get flamed for this but I am willing to go out on a limb here.  Your child could be damaged by hearing that dad is dying from cancer.  Ex is in an active phase of his mental illness.  He needs treatment before anymore visitations occur.  Would he be in agreement with inpatient treatment to get his meds readjusted?  Sometimes it is a situation like this that pushes a person to get help.

My ex is on his meds and sober for five years now.  I have two NC kids and two from my marriage to DH who live with us full time.  DH even did the daycare while I worked and did fine but I was constantly assessing his stability in the early phases of his recovery.  I do think my ex played the mental health card in an unfair way to gain custody but I do agree that the saftey of the kids is paramount.  That inculdes mental saftey.  No it doesn't make you popular but  you need to do what you need to do to make sure your child is safe and supported.  A delusional parent is scary to a kid.  They don't know what to believe.  People who are delusional are convinced of what they are saying and so are very convincing to a child.

On the other hand you need to educate your child about his dad's disease.  He needs to know dad is a good person and that while he may be ill at times he is still dad and deserves love and respect.  Kids understand more than we give them credit for.  Your son can be helped to understand that this disease comes and goes and has ups and downs.  Perhaps some sessions with a therapist for your son could be helpful to allow him to express his feelings and get some insight from someone not directly involved.

Please try to maintain your objectivity also.  Bipolar is a cruel disease.  Make sure that you do not allow yourself to punish your ex for past mistkes by witholding your son.  You do not sound like you are doing this but the disease is such that the biploar person can cause extreme pain to their family and sometimes it gets really hard to separate it all out.  As long as you are sure that no part of your motive is revenge I think you will make the decisons in the best interest of your child.