Bipolar ex problems

[frust123]

Hi I am a divorced mom with one 6 yr old child. My ex husband has a diagnosed bipolar disorder that he is not taking his meds for. He has supervised visitation court ordered because of a past suicide attempt. He has now entered another phase of his disease (not sure if he is manic or depressed) but is paranoid, demanding and irritable, etc. and topping it off with alcohol besides.  I don't think this man is stable in any way. A week ago he was convinced he that he had cancer and was dying and proceeded to tell our son this info, but no doctors had diagnosed any of this.  How should I handle his visits with my son?

Thanks for any help.
Vicki

[olanna]

Is there any history of physical abuse? If not, you might just explain to your son that Dad is a very sick man and sometimes his mind isn't good.  

I mean honestly, what you are saying is that Dad has an illness...you wouldn't want to interfere with visits if Dad was say, diabetic or had cancer...so long as he isn't violent and there are no threats of physical harm, I would just try to explain the affects of the disease to my son in a simple way, and continue the visits with Dad.

Kids are much more accepting than we give them credit.

[frust123]

We do know that this is a very different disease than diebetes or cancer though. Also if he is not being treated medically currently then the state of safety is up in the air at this time.

[Stepmom0418]

But you did say that visits are supervised, right?

If they are supervised in a safe setting such as a place designed for such visits then child should be safe.

If they are not in a safe setting and being done by a non professional then maybe request the court to change the order so it could be done in a professional setting.

[olanna]

No disease is exactly like the other.  If there has been no physical abuse, why would you want to stop the visits?

So what if he's a liar....hell, I know plenty of people that are liars and they don't have bipolar disorder.  

[DeterminedForTheBest]

I agree with olanna.

[Sunshine1]

Man this is scary, I am having bipolar SM problems.  I understand what you are going through.  Where are the visits supervised?  Are they at a visitation facility?  If so you may want to tell the supervisor what is going on and have them intervene before he starts telling his cancer story.

You are just going to have to do what we all do here and that is de-program the child after his visit.  We have to do that and our BM/NCP is an undiagnosed bipolar person!

Hang in there, bipolar disorder is a rollercoaster disease especially if he isn't taking his meds.

Hope I helped a little.

[frust123]

Hey thanks for the responses.

This is my first time on this and I'm unfamiliar with some of the abbreviations you are using. Can you explain?

The visitation is actually at my parents house and supervised by my parents. Which is physically a safe environment. But my sons Dad leans so heavily mentally and emotionally on my son and that is what I'm worried about. Plus he has a past suicide attempt, and the day he called to say he was dying gave me the impression that he might not make it through the night by his own hand.

I allready do the 'de-programing' and any damage control after visits and phone calls. But what possible positive effect is his father having in his current state. I'm not proposing to never let him see his son, but he needs to be healthy to be able to form any kind of positive relationship that my son can be proud of.

Thank you Sunshine for an understanding post.

[frust123]

Actually we had an isolated incident regarding physical abuse, when the visits were being supervised at his parents house. Thats when the visits were changed to my parents house. Physical abuse is just one facet of abuses. Bruises on the skin can go away but the memory can last a lifetime. What good reason should a child but left vulnerable to that?

Lying also has no bearing on this matter. It is not as much that he's lying its more that he actually believes what he says is true. Things that a rational person knows cannot be. Its called paranoia. I'm not sure anyone can really know 'if or when' he may become violent.

But I'll be damned if I wait for something terrible to happen before I protect my son. That is just foolish. It is also why kids are minors until they are 18, so they have an advocate ( or two in many cases) right at home.  

[olanna]

Cause it looks like you wanted validation for your decision to stop the visits between Dad and child.

Keep in mind, you might not know if he is going to get violent, but rest assured the child is going to suffer if he isn't allowed some type of contact with *both* parents....