Comments

[Sunshine1]

Did you send the letter? His reaction?  

I usually don't ask BF for anything unless he is my last resort because he lives 30 min away.  Now with his new wife, I re-arrange things so I don't have to ask at all.  She freaks out if I ask him for anything.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

No, I haven't yet. I was waiting for a response from Soc.

Another perfect example, tonite my girl wanted to come work on a health project that we've been working on for several weeks. WOW, surprise, he agreed to drop her off on the way to my son's boyscout meeting up the street. But...he refused to pick her up on their way home.  LOL

[MixedBag]

go check it out.

[NoNicky]

Everyone handles these things differently.  My kids know my schedule and if I'm not going to be available I make sure they know it.  

However, when dad didn't want to get her to school early for mandatory band practices I got up even earlier, drove to his house, got her and took her in.  When dad leaves her high and dry because "he got busy", I go get her.  I told her that when her father and I were together she could always count on me then and things have not changed.  I may not like the ex weaseling out of things but I have also seen the heartbreak the child went through when she made quiz team but he wouldn't let her participate because it "wasn't a good night for him" and he told her she could not let me transport her even though I volunteered and a teacher did as well.  That strategy is beginning to pay off in ways that can't be measured by the gas or time I have spent.  My daughter knows who will deal with her upfront and who will go out of their way for her.  It isn't him.  She knows my dh and I love her enough to suspend our activities temporarily if possible to make sure she is taken care of.  One day I figure she'll do like her older brother did.  Move in with me and tell him if he doesn't let me have custody she'll go to the judge personally with the difference in care they receive.  

Don't get me wrong, he's not all bad and he does have some good points.  He is a stricter disciplinarian and while I don't always agree I also know what he is doing is not hurting them in the long run and is not physical.  He lives by a calendar and if he hasn't got you scheduled then you don't get his time (that includes his 2nd wife and kids).  My kids are better organized than I am for having lived with him.  I put really important stuff on my cell phone reminder and other than that I take it as it comes.  I can't schedule thiings like time with my dh or kids.  I want that to be natural.  But, neither way is wrong, just different.  When the GAL evaluated our homes and I read the report I had to laugh because at one point she quoted me directly without saying so.  She said "both homes are equally fit, the parties have markedly different personalities and therefor markedly different parenting styles, neither is better than the other, just different in approach."


NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6