What do you think of this letter?

[Wi-Mom]

I have written a letter to my ex.. because I really want to express my gratitude for the fact that for four years now he has worked steadily, and really sacrificed to support his kids. I know that through the grapevine I've heard some grumbling about it.. but he's never directed any anger toward me directly. I am worried that the letter sounds like I'm setting him up for something.. and I'm just wondering if I can get anyone else's opinion on it.. and whether you think it's a bad idea to send it to him. I sure would like to say something.. I really am greatful but it's such a touchy subject. Here's the letter.....

*********************************************************

I just wanted to send you a note to thank you for the years you have faithfully provided for our children. I know it isn't easy for either of us, and I kon't know if I've ever taken the time to simply let you know how much I respect you for working as hard as you do. I want you to know that every time I get a check in the mail I am overwhelmed with gratitude and a feeling of accountability that the money you provide is well spent. I never forgot that pastor who said that when you spend someone else's money you are spending their "essence" energy they will never get back again. When I take the money and put it in our joint account I might get a little cash ($5-$10) for each of the kids and give it to them with a smile. They ask what it is for and I say, "Because your father works very hard to support you, there was a little extra there today because he'd worked some overtime, and I believe he would like you to do something fun with it." I don't know if they ever tell you about that, and I don't know if they tell you that I often ask them to spend it by treating you at Dairy Queen or something fun.

I have remained accountable if only to myself and my own conscience for every dime of that money, and honestly, I consult you in my mind on every purchase, that you would approve of how this money you've provided was spent. I truly look forward to when the kids are 18 and you no longer have this financial obligation. You've earned it. I pray there is no resentment on your part and I can say that I've never felt any. Sometimes people never get the opportunity to tell someone how thankful they are and after over four years this note is long overdue. Thanks again for everything.

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Ok.. does this sound sincere? Is there anything in it that doesn't? Is this a bad idea? Thanks in advance for your advice!

[kitten]

>I have written a letter to my ex.. because I really want to
>express my gratitude for the fact that for four years now he
>has worked steadily, and really sacrificed to support his
>kids. I know that through the grapevine I've heard some
>grumbling about it.. but he's never directed any anger toward
>me directly. I am worried that the letter sounds like I'm
>setting him up for something.. and I'm just wondering if I can
>get anyone else's opinion on it.. and whether you think it's a
>bad idea to send it to him. I sure would like to say
>something.. I really am greatful but it's such a touchy
>subject. Here's the letter.....
>
>*********************************************************
>
>I just wanted to send you a note to thank you for the years
>you have faithfully provided for our children. I know it isn't
>easy for either of us, and I kon't know if I've ever taken the
>time to simply let you know how much I respect you for working
>as hard as you do. >
>I have remained accountable if only to myself and my own
>conscience for every dime of that money, and honestly, I
>consult you in my mind on every purchase, that you would
>approve of how this money you've provided was spent. I pray there is
>no resentment on your part and I can say that I've never felt
>any. Sometimes people never get the opportunity to tell
>someone how thankful they are and after over four years this
>note is long overdue. Thanks again for everything.
>
>*********************************************************
>
>Ok.. does this sound sincere? Is there anything in it that
>doesn't? Is this a bad idea? Thanks in advance for your
>advice!

Excellent letter, but my opinion is that less is more.  I deleted a couple of parts that may make him suspicious.  Just saying that if it was me, I would leave it at this.  

[cathy]

What a great thing for you to think about doing.  We hear so much about "deadbeats".   It is great to hear someone acknowledge with appreciation when someone steps up to the plate.

[Sunshine1]

"I truly look forward to when the kids are 18 and you no longer have this financial obligation. You've earned it. "

Why don't you drop the child support obligation?  I would simply just tell him thank you and you appreciate it. Not that you consult in your head with him over every purchase...geez do you really think he is going to appreciate that??  I'm not even on a giving end of CS and I think it is a bad idea.  Most fathers are getting totally screwed in CS payments.

Just my 2 cents take it or leave it.

[cathy]

She is addressing her ex.  And I don't understand the jump to "drop the child support obligation".   Just because she is saying that she will be happy for him when he is done doesn't mean that the child support should be dropped.  I'll be happy when my car is paid off - but that doesn't mean I'm not obligated to finish making the payments!

My husband paid child support to his ex.  For 3 kids, he paid $1390.  He never missed a month and it was always on time.  I can tell you, it certainly would have been nice to hear the sentiment express in this letter rather than the "you don't pay enough child support.  That doesn't even cover half of their expenses" - which is what we heard.

[Wi-Mom]

You know what? I honestly do consider his approval before I spend any of that money. Every single time.

I don't drop the child support because I need it. I do look forward to when we don't have that between us. I was just putting my thoughts down. If it sounds dumb I'll take it out.

Thanks for your input.

[Wi-Mom]

Thanks Kitten, I actually like your changes. I'd still like to keep the quote from that pastor because I believe he'd be very touched that I remembered it. I think I'll change the "someone else's money" part of it because he actually said, "Your husbands money" and at the time he was my husband.

But I do agree with you.. less is more. Thanks!

[reagantrooper]

How much of his money does the court make him send you each month and for how many kids?

How much does it cost to care for the kids per month?

You sound like your attitude is good provided you are sincere are not yanking his chain.

Why not switch to a volitary expenced based formula between the two of you so that you dont "profit" one red cent from his "child support"?

[Wi-Mom]

So what you're saying is that really there is no way to thank him sincerely without putting my money where my mouth is and do something to reduce what he's paying? Short of that this might just make him suspicious? This is the feedback I'm looking for because I sincerely just wanted to acknowledge greatfully the fact that he works hard for his kids.

 

[reagantrooper]

Not that this is you or  the way you think!

But

If my X called me or wrote me a letter saying what you want to say I would postivly tell her to stick it up her Azz and F off. But thats just the nature of our relationship or lack there of.

If he feels that the Child Support that he is sending you is unfair to him I think he may have the same feeling. I applaude you and the way you think with regards to this issue provided you truly believe what you are saying.

FYI I KNOW that the money I am forced to send to another household provides support to my X, her 2 "other" kids, her dogs, her unemployed BF. Its not rocket science to do the math in my case. So I am paying her, she makes a profit off the back of me, our Daughter, my family.

What I pay is far from MY Childs support. I am forced into servitude by our goverment while my X and hers sit back and wait for that tax free check to come every other week. Then at the end of the year they claim my Daughter as a "dependant" when I should be able to claim them all as my dependants.

ITs just obsence this is why we need an expensed based CS formula with some sort of accountabilty.

"end of rant"

Will you provide answers to the questions I asked you in my other potst? How many kids? How much money do you get from him? ETC ETC

I wish you luck!!!!!!!!