sticky situation, don't know what to do!

[NoNicky]

I agree about the attorney but I also want to add some other things to think about.

If the other woman was married at the time then her husband's name is on the birth certificate and your husband can not be ordered to pay support at this time without PROOF he is the father.  That means paternity testing.  If his name is by some chance on the birth certificate I'm curious as to how it was hidden from the husband and I would still want DNA testing because then he would have a case to say he was duped by the wife and her then husband in order to assure a meal ticket.  On top of that it appears that mother divorced her husband and in all likelihood was collecting support from your husband and her ex-husband.  See a problem with that?  Legally the child can only have 1 father and that 1 father is the person liable for support.  

I urge you to talk to your husband and point all these facts out.  To not ask these questions would be in the long term a detriment to your whole family.  It may wind up that if DNA testing determines he is the father now, he will be liable for child support from that point forward but not for arrears.  I know that can be done because my husband was not liable for arrears because another man was on the birth certificate and the child was or at least should have been supported by the man who claimed to be and acted as his parent according to the courts.

Best of luck and stay in touch.

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[jilly]

Birth information is public record.  If you know where the child was born, mother's name and date of birth you can contact the local courthouse where child was born and they'll give you that information.  They'll even tell you who is listed as the father.  Hiring a PI is a good idea to check on her background and follow her for a few days.  I wouldn't pay the PI to get the birth information when you can get it for free.
Good luck!

[graciesmom]

My husband said there was a paternity test done, but no DNA test. He seems to not question that he is legally the father.  I am wondering though if I should not ask him to do a DNA test.  Am I right in saying that paternity test only give you a % of probability that he could be the father? How would we go about getting a copy of his birth certificate? I just don't trust this woman and I want to make sure we have all the facts.  This is all difficult right now, because he is not here.  There is only so much he can do in Iraq.  
  I am doing my very best to try to convince my husband to do what is right here.  I can only imagine how difficult it must be for him as I know he just wants to do right by his son and our family as well.  If he fights paying arrears, then he feels he is turning against his son and is supporting us, if he pays the arrears then he feels he will be turning against us.  I totally understand that, but I strongly feel that he should not be responsible for something that she should have taken care of.  
Thanks for all the great information.  

[graciesmom]

I made a request with the caseworker yesterday that we wanted a copy of his birth certificate.  We will see what happens!  I am not sure how to get a copy myself.  He was born in Germany and I have looked all over the internet but can't find anything and if I do, it's in GERMAN and I can't read it.  I have a call into a PI so hopefully he can help me out.
If anyone has any suggestions, I would appreciate it.
Amy

[graciesmom]

I finally heard from my husband yesterday, and he is certain that he doesn't have the letter.  It was in a box that was shipped to him when he got out of the ARMY and it was lost!  What luck!  Now I am in a panic because my husband wants to sign on for another six months working in Iraq so he can make extra money where we won't be burdened.  He has come around some about going to court, but with the case being in Germany, and he would have to go there not to mention attorneys fees. Either way we go the expense is going to be difficult on us. We are going to wait and see what the PI finds.  I also spoke to the caseworker here locally and finally got to tell our side of the story.  She did say that since nothing was done through the courts that he will be responsible for all arrears (we knew that already) but that she would send our comments to the german caseworker.  We just have to wait and see what the response is which I am sure will be the same.  I am really interested to see if the mother shared the information with her caseworker that she asked my husband to stop payments.  
Should be interesting.  
All have a good day!

[KAT]

How does Germany have jursidiction over your husband? Second...and I've been struggling on how to say this without sound rude because I'm certainly NOT trying to...okay? :) We are government subcontractors. I know the big bucks guys make for going over. Mr. KAT was offered 275k plus 2m in life insurance to go over last year. If he's just going to pay it out of the money he's making today, risking his life having a new family & little tiny baby then I would be pissed. BOTH parties made mistakes. BOTH parties had responsiblitiy, not just HIM. He is not a bank nor a retirement account.  He has defenses to this. Forget the guilt. He needs to obtain a lawyer to work out a settlement with her. Start low. Have him sign a legal (only) POA so that you can work with the lawyer.
Just my 02 here.
KAT

[graciesmom]

I really don't understand all the legalities between Germany and our county office.  I just know Germany sent our county a "registration statement" in August of 2002 and to request help from them with our case.   I still don't know why we have not been contacted until February 2005.  I assume that it is perfectly legal, otherwise our county office would not be involved?  We send our payments to a local address, a clearinghouse.  
Trust me I am extremely pissed off with the notion that my husband is considering staying over there, 6 months longer.  You are right, we get paid the big bucks, so to speak, but not as much as you were offered.  He is just looking at it from the point of view that he could quickly earn the money to pay off the debt where we would not financially strained.  It is not what I wish to happen, and hopefully it won't.  I guess everyone is different and if it came to that point I would support that decision and keep things going here at home.    Thankfully he is in a safe area that never has any problems.  I emailed him and told him to hold off on extending his time and let's see what unfolds the next week or so before he makes such a commitment.  
I do have a POA and I am going to ask him next time I talk to him if I can at least go talk to an attorney and see what he thinks our chances are with this.  I  would also  like to see what kind of response we get from the mother and the caseworker in Germany.  I think he is fearful that we would go all the way to Germany, hire a lawyer and lose.  
He is doing really well working past his guilt and starting to see the picture a little more clearly.  I  am aware that both of them are to blame here and we will do all we can to assume responsiblity for our share, I just hope she does the same.  I am all for a settlement and that is what I am shooting for.  
I get what you are saying and I appreciate it.  
Right now, we just have to see what happens next.  I will keep you informed.

[graciesmom]

Well I haven't posted in a few days and things haven't changed much, but I did have a good talk with a different caseworker in our local office.  She confirmed to us, that we need to hire an atty. (which we are looking) and get a petition filed to have a DNA test done.  If by some miracle, he is not truly the birth father, then we can be released from this debt.  It works in our favor because they were not married and she was married to someone else. Has anyone ever had a similar situation and had a DNA test reverse their obligations?  Until we get the DNA results  I still have the task in front of me hunting down proof from 1998-1992 that my husband paid child support that was directly taken from his paycheck in the ARMY.  Has anyone ever had to do this with the ARMY?  Do they keep records that long?  We have his paystubs, but it doesn't show where the payments were made.
  We received a letter today for OCSE saying that they will be reporting to the credit bureau's that my husband is $31,943.00 overdue in child support.  We have the option to contest, which I will,  at least the amount owed.  This hopefully will send my husband over the edge and he will stop trying to be mister nice guy.  It seems just when things start to look up, we get slammed again.  It makes things so difficult as my husband is in Iraq and I can only talk to him maybe once a week.  

[MixedBag]

for the pay, start looking through //www.dfas.mil.  HOWEVER, I bet that when you hit the right office, it will be DH who has to call.  Ask them what they need to have permission to talk to you.  They're gonna be real picky about his privacy.

As for the DNA.....don't remember anyone here that has BTDT.

Good Luck!

[VAStepmom]

You must be commended for keeping a cool head through all of this.  Second of all, and I can't believe no one has really hit on this, but this woman was married when she had this baby.  That makes her husband (at the time), NOT YOUR HUSBAND, the presumed father.  That means her husband's name should be on the birth certificate, not your husband's.