sticky situation, don't know what to do!

[VAStepmom]

Like mentioned earlier, go to //www.dfas.mil for info on the child support.  My husband recently seperated from the Army and he also had his payments set up on allottment.  I went to the website and sent an email with my husbands info, as if I was my husband  ;-) , and explained that I needed something on paper showing when I started that particular allottment, how much is was, where it was going, etc.  They sent a piece of paper via snail mail that had a bunch of crap and codes on it (I had no idea what most of it meant,) but it also had exactly what I needed to prove the allottment.   It showed the dollar amount, her name and her bank acct number that the money went directly to.   Give that a shot!

[KAT]

HA! I think I like you! Good going! I've never  had a problem dealing with the caseworkers as long I pretend I'm MR.KAT or act really, really nice (& stupid).
Cheers from Chesapeake VA...
KAT

[graciesmom]

Thanks for the compliment, but I haven't been doing so good . Perhaps the shock has worn off and now reality is hitting me smack upside the head.   I have handed the whole thing over to my husband to handle from Iraq.  I was getting so mad and stressing myself out so much that I was almost not able to function properly.  I have started therapy and medication if that tells you anything.
 I did find out that she was not married at the time, but she was to be getting married soon, still not sure what exactly that means.  With our conversations being so brief and infrequent while he is in Iraq,  I misunderstood him.  That being said, my husband should be the birth father listed on the Birth Certificate, we ordered a copy and are waiting on it.  
I had my husband convinced to do a DNA test, but then when the OCSE sent us the credit bureau letter, it changed everything.  With my husbands job, if he gets any negative things on his credit, he will no doubt lose his job as it affects his security clearance.  So we have to bring the balance down below $1000.00 in the next 14 days or he will lose his job.  
We were both at opposite ends of this thing as I wanted to fight paying for the 10 years she asked not to receive it and a proof of a DNA test.  He wanted to pay for it and be done with it.  With the threat of him losing his job, we have to pay it, at least for now to keep that from happening.   As far as the DNA test goes,  I talked to an attorney, and his feeling was that since there has already been a paternity test done (blood) and a judgement says that he is the father, that a judge likely would not grant a DNA test.  I chose not to push it any farther, because we are already losing money, and between the lawyers fees, court costs, DNA test it would cost us upwards of $3000.00 and we may not win it, so I just told my husband if he can live with not knowing then I  hopefully someday will as well.  It makes it hard because we have never seen this kid or know him.   I told my husband today that he has to take it over from now and I am staying out of it.  I don't like it a bit, but I have to think about my daughter now.  I have been so pre-occupied with this and obsessed in finding the truth, that I was not being the best Mom to her, Now she can have my undivided attention she deserves and I just have to have faith that if someday the truth can come to light, it will.  
Thanks for all the great info.  What a great place to vent.  You all have helped me make heads or tails of this thing.  Good luck to you all.
Amy

[graciesmom]

The paperwork from DFAS is on it's way here.  I am just hoping it doesn't take them too long.  My husband is now going to have to have an informal conference over the phone with the revenue office.  Hopefully they will let him pay the amount owed, minus what should have been already paid when he was in the military.  I have a feeling I am going to be dragged back into this, as far as handling things, but I don't mind that as long as they give us due credit for child support that has already been paid.  That should amount to close to $7000.00 !  

I hope that it is clear that I am not against paying the child support.  If my husband truly believes that he is his son, then I am all for him paying it.  I am just angry at how she has gone about it and her lack of responsibility back in 1992.  It makes me sick to think that he would have been paying it each month for the last 12 years, no questions, and in 8 more months, the son  would be 18 and my husbands obligation of child support would be fulfilled. I wish my husband would have questioned her a more in 92' and not written off her request so easily without checking it out legally.  He should have known better than that.  

I just wanted to make myself clear.  I don't want think people I am some witchy wife who doesn't want her husband to take care of a child who doesn't belong to her.  I really hope one day we get to know him .  I am glad that my daughter has a big brother  and I hope they get to meet.  What a bonus for me, no more getting fat, swollen feet and pushing a baby out with no epidural.   Now she has siblings and no pain for me.  I have to look at it that way.  
Everyone have a great weekend!  I am getting ready to move,so mine will be filled with packing, YUK!

[VAStepmom]

Thanks, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do!  Anyway, good to see a local on the board.  I'm in Virginia Beach!  See ya round! :-)

[LAK]

if her DH at the time, who believed the child was his, is paying CS.  She can't get it from two men for the same child.

[LAK]

..

[graciesmom]

Okay, new question here.  I am now helping my husband out again.  I really am the only one who can handle things here as he is in Iraq.  Anyway, that is besides the point.  I am waiting to hear from our revenue office on when our informal conference will be to contest the amount of arrears.  I was trying to figure up today exactly how much we should be credited for the years that he paid CS directly from his Army paycheck.  In looking closely at that, they show an amount of $32,000 that they will report to the credit bureau if the balance is not brought down below $1000.00.  In looking closely at the decree,  it states that his payment schedule would  begin on the date of January 1, 1989, however, in other paperwork we have received there was a payment history breakdown which began in October 1987, the year of the childs birth.  My question is this.  If in fact the court ordered decree states that child support begin on January 1, 1987 and we must now pay for any back support that has not been paid, that we are only legally responsible for payments which have not been made as of January 1, 1987, not since birth.  Is that right?  I hope someone can clear me up on this because if this is true, then we may be able to shave off another $3500.00. I will put it this way to be clear in my question.  Can they make us pay for 15 months of child support now, if it was not ordered in the official judgement?  
 My husband has our first payment set up for the 3rd.  Talk about hurt!  To see your savings account go from VERY FULL to almost empty, OUCH!  
Look forward to any responses.
Thanks!

[LAK]

they can only make it effective as of the date in the CO.  CSE has to follow the CO.  Be prepared to set them straight though.

[graciesmom]

That is what I thought.  I am going to call my friend tomorrow who is an attorney to be sure and then I am going to call CSE to make sure I get our conference soon to set them straight.  Finally a glimmer of hope.  This will mean that instead of our $30,000.00 grand total they gave us, with the CS he has already paid through the ARMY and the 15 months we shouldn't  have to pay, our total is down to only $20,000.00.  Still a lot of money, but 10 grand is quite a chunk of change to save.  Thanks so much.  I will let you know how it goes.  
Finally have a big grin on my face for the first time in a few weeks.  

Maybe a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.  :)