bigsigh you are such a fake!!!!

[MYSONSDAD]

>Who gave you the authority to rate what is considered what is truly suffering and what isn't? Everyone has their own threshold for pain & tolerance, no matter what the type of pain it is. If I haven't dealt with x, y & z I'm not worthy of respect? I should pack myself up and leave? <

I never said I had any authority. I posted that way hoping you would see the other side of things. You do not share the same problems that most people here share. SIMPLE

>MSD, you made a comment earlier that you didn't see me helping others much here. I've seen it said to others as well. Can I ask why that is necessary? Is that another "unwritten" requirement of being able to use this site that the "regulars" have established over and above what the administration posts as guidelines? <

Where did I post that, other then to you?


>I also see how it is continually told to people how long x person has been at this site over others, as if their opinion means more because of it. <

Now you have me confused with catherine, I feel insulted.
I did however, try to make you see some value in the knowledge Bol has. You could learn a lot from him and others here. If I remember correctly, you got it pretty good on your first post here. Changing CP to NCP. Reason was, we could not understand why you would decide to do that. You could have kept custody and did shared parenting.

The purpose of this forum is for NCP's to have a place to vent, share and help. There are also CP's here, like PD. They too, give appreciated advice.

I think you have taken this all WAY BEYOND the need. I for one will let you find someone else to challenge. Maybe they can word it to your understanding...

I, for the life of me, do not understand your way of thinking...


"Children learn what they live"

[catherine]

if I started tossing insults your way too?

C'mon now.  For you to say you are insulted to be confused as me is a bit overdramatic and insulting, no?  What you've read 6 things I've typed? Wow, what a great "judge" of character you must be in real life ....

[ivehadit]

**You do not share the same problems that most people here share. SIMPLE**

assumption on your part

**Where did I post that, other then to you?**

didn't say you specifically

**Now you have me confused with catherine, I feel insulted.**

my apologies

**I did however, try to make you see some value in the knowledge Bol has. You could learn a lot from him and others here.**

for what? my situation is done with.

**If I remember correctly, you got it pretty good on your first post here. Changing CP to NCP. Reason was, we could not understand why you would decide to do that. You could have kept custody and did shared parenting**

actually, no I couldn't due to distance, her schooling etc. She had to have her residence there. And no, her or I moving wasn't an option. That would have created more trouble & cost than it would be worth. What my choice was should never have been chastized like it was. It was the best scenario for MY family and that should have been respected from the get go.

**I think you have taken this all WAY BEYOND the need. I for one will let you find someone else to challenge. Maybe they can word it to your understanding...**

I'm the one being "challenged" here!! I'm not taking anyone on, I'm defending myself against an attack that there was no business having been done in the first place.

I've made the same point over and over, I don't feel I need to, nor do I want to understand the plight of every NCP but you and Bol keep trying over and over again to make me "see" something. These are YOUR causes, YOUR fights...they aren't mine. Good for you for having them but for christ's sake already, as callous as this sounds I DON'T CARE!

All I did was post a few comments/opinions on the DV system, having NOTHING to do with custody whatsoever and all of a sudden I'm being keelhauled by you and Bol over NCP sufferage & having my custody situation from back in September dredeged up like raw stinky stewage.

And I'm being accused of making too much of this? Both of you get off your soapboxes already!

[ready4change]

When I read some of your posts ivehadit, I felt pain for your child.

You stated that you were less than proud of the extent you went to to become the CP.  When you were awarded custody and realized your significant other was not going to step into the role of mother, you decided it wasn't for you. It seems that you believe all is well now but what about what your child has been through.

So many NCP's spend so much money, time and effort to try and stop their children from being pawns in the aftermath of divorce; your posts remind me of dealing with my husband's ex who is so unaware of the damage that her manipulations have caused.  I'm not judging you, trust me, I'm just stating what my gut reaction to reading your posts were.  You state over and over that this is all about YOUR situation and YOUR family and what is best for YOU; the purpose of the board is for people to come together and support one another and share knowledge.  I don't think you were ever unwelcome here, I think you just opened alot of wounds for people whose guts are torn up inside resulting from the inability to help their/our own children.

I haven't been a member here long and I sure haven't posted much; I read alot on these boards; often times signing off crying as I feel the pain in the posts as I relate all to well. I feel like I know the regular posters personally because I have gotten to know them through their posts.  You seem callous to the devastation expressed, perhaps that is a sign that this isn't the proper forum for you to acheive your goals---it seems that this board is causing you much more stress than it is worth.  

Hopefully, your family is blessed with peace in the future.  I hope that you take responsibility for your role whatever it may have been, in the divorce process.  I can only imagine that your exwife is glad that you made the decision you did no matter what the reason; that is the positive--your daughter is with the parent that truly wants custody and that is the best outcome for everyone involved.  

[cathy]

Guys - this isn't helping anyone, so why is it continuing?  No one is going to say "Oh, you are right and I am wrong" - - - mostly because no one in this IS right or wrong.  

I have been around these forums for a while, although I only follow this one sporadically, and maybe that gives me a little distance to see things in a different light.  I am not trying to stir the pot, but honestly just trying to help and offer my thoughts.

Sitting here, I see wrong and right in both "sides".  But I do want to point a few things out - -

EVERYONE'S situation is different and unique.   None of us have been thru the same situation, felt the same things, taken the same actions.  I think ALL parties could stand to respect that a little more than is being shown.  I think if you stop trying to be "right" and truly try to see and understand the other person's situation and recognize the pain/confusion/anger from that situation - even though it is different from your own - maybe both sides could actually help the other.........or at least coexist peacefully!

Now, I'm sure lots of people will disagree with me and flame me - but truthfully, I think a lot of this is gender bias against bigsigh/ivehadit/whatever.   How many have dealt with a PBFH that has gone to extraordinary means to keep the kids from their father?  How many have dealt with every nasty/insane/psychotic trick in the book that the custodial PBFH will pull to get and keep the kids from their father?  How many have wished that the PBFH would "see the light" and recognize that the father was important?  That the child needed BOTH parents?  

Would you be happy if the PBFH you deal with, the one that may have done everything in her power to keep your child away from you - - -if she had an insight into what she was doing and changed her ways?  If she admitted to being wrong?  If she wanted to change things and give you the time you deserved with your child?  If she recognized that you were a good parent and she was dead wrong in keeping your child from you?

Isn't that what we all want?  For kids to have BOTH parents involved in their lives?  For both parents to support the involvement of the other in their child's life?

I would think that a CP that had recongized this and had changed would be a great resource to have.

I also understand the other side.  I do see where there can be such frustration and anger at the situation itself.  Sometimes pain can be so overwhelming that there seems to be nothing else.  And to have that and to be in a situation and have someone with exactly what you want, seemingly throw it away - - - it is mind boggling.  It is unfathomable.  I truly do understand that.

But I'm sitting here damn near in tears now - and I have to say, I am not one to be moved to tears often.  But I sit here and think - if those of us coming to this board, if we can't manage to reach some understanding, some commonality - if we can manage to empathize with each other - - - how in the hell can we ever expect it to happen with the divorced parents of our children?  How can we ever expect our children to have what they deserve - both parents involved and there for them?

I truly hope this is taken in the spirit in which it was intended.  I will not be responding to post on this topic because it is not my intent to further this conflict.

[olanna]

and why the poster shared the story at all...not that most of us aren't already in so much pain, it's hard to describe...but consider the amount of salt that was dumped into the wound for most of us.

The poster says life is good now...would you be here defending yourself if life was good?  I am betting that you would have blown it off and found somewhere else to invest your time.  

JMO

[joni]

I believe that Bigsigh is a sadistic custodial mom.  YOu're right, the passion here comes from the pain we all deal with regarding our children.  

For Bigsigh to come on this board and BRAG about  how "HE"  gave up custodial of his daughter....back to the wonderful mother....and how great "HIS" life is after "HE" gave "HIS" daughter up.....and what a horrible stepmother "HIS" current wife turned out to be.....

Come on!  That's what we all bitch about here, the antithesis of this scenario.  A big chunk of us on this board are stepmothers who passionately fight along side of DH or SO"s for our stepchildren to be in our lives.  

[olanna]

I know what you say is true.  I also know that if I had custody of my own son, I wouldn't come here again, except to say that my efforts paid off and for those of you fighting to stay in the lives of your children, keep up the battle.  

;)

[Bolivar]

Joni you are a literary genius!!!!

What you said is what I was trying to say.  I just couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling.

You are the Goddess for this Month!*!*!

And olanna,,,, I nominate you the runner up.

Now we can wrap up this thread.  :-)

[catherine]

come back?  Even if you were CP, you'd still have the ass to deal with.  It doesn't stop when one becomes CP or NCP - it's the other parent that is the problem, no matter the designation.  

DH is CP now but that doesn't mean either of us can stop learning from other NCP's.  And as kids grow older and actually want a voice on where to live, who knows whom will be CP in the future.  It's always better to be informed, IMO.

As for bigsigh, well, I didn't agree with his/her posts from day one.  I saw it was pointless so why bother.  Apparently he/she made the right decision for the child and I guess that's all that counts.  I would guess that his posts are as welcome here as an NCP asking for ways to hide their income on a CP board for those dealing with deadbeats...