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Question for Custodial Parents

Started by melissa3, Mar 27, 2006, 01:31:35 PM

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I agree there should be no child support, and my reasoning would be, if one parent passed away - who would pay the other CS to support the child?  When my parents divorced in 1965 my dad got custody and my mom was NOT ordered to pay CS, when I divorced in 96 the judge did not order my ex to pay CS for the three kids.  I survived as I was provided for by my dad, and I provided to  my kids.  

I also do not understand how CS can be orderd to maintain a home with CS, (which is as I see it ok to use that $$ for) but trying to keep a home here for us and our kids and a place for the Step child to come to is verging on impossible, oh and yea.........the ex got the home that my husband paid for 100% during their marraige so why does she need so much money every month?    

just my 2 cents...................


Basically, we thought tracking how much money goes to child care would be GOOD for everbody concerned - for both parents and the child. Like I said before, knowing how much daughter costs NOW will help us to plan for and/or be better prepared for the future.

Also, this may help to ensure that BM never tries to pull a fast one. For example, right now BM could say she need $xxxxx to take SD clothes shopping and fiance and I would have no idea if BM took SD shopping or if she took her "NEW" boyfriend out to dinner. If we had a logbook, we could look and see how many articles of clothing were previously bought for SD and how much was spent eachtime, with eachparent. There would be no way for either parents to bullsh*t the other.

Note: I know I mentioned previously that we didn't think BM was using child support for herself but, honestly, the thought has crossed our minds from time to time.

As I said before, this isn't an attempt to try to control BM. Fiance just wants to be as invovled as he can be (he is only the NCP) and BM doesn't share information unless it is directly related to fiance giving her more money. Instead of giving extra money to the BM, fiance just wants to be able to spend it on his duaghter himself. Why shouldn't he be able to take her clothes shopping, school supply shopping, birthday-gift-for-friend shopping? He's tired of giving the BM money to do these things when he could have the "honor" of doing it. (yes I said honor because he truly cherishes anytime he spends with his little girl.)


"knowing how much daughter costs NOW will help us to plan for and/or be better prepared for the future."

The only thing you really need to plan for is paying the CS in full and on time.  Clothing, school supplies, etc. is what CS is supposed to be used for.  However, you can certainly give BM a gift of extra money if you want to.  Personally, I learned long ago not to give my Ex extra cash.  In stead I would buy my kid's things that they needed.  However, I was always conscious to just suppliment what was needed rather than supply all of what was needed.  This way it sort of forced my Ex to use CS on our kids.  

I know that you stated that it is not your fiance's intention to control BM, but what does he intend to do if he doesn't like how BM is spending CS?  Will her try and get her to spend it differently?  

"Instead of giving extra money to the BM, fiance just wants to be able to spend it on his duaghter himself. Why shouldn't he be able to take her clothes shopping, school supply shopping, birthday-gift-for-friend shopping?"

I strongly suggest that he start doing this.  By the way, was isn't he doing it this way now?  Is he affraid of how BM will react?


The money isn't just being spent - - it is building equity.  If CS is used to pay a percentage of the house payment, it seems that a percentage of any profit when the house is sold should be credited somehow.  To claim CS for mortgage payment is kind of like double dipping.

Oh - and let's now forget the tax advantage gained from that mortgage payment!

But having said that - it doesn't really matter.  I don't think any state really looks at expenses in that way when determining child support.


Cause I think the question that Stirling raised is excellent!

And if you do get an idea that the Bm took her boyfriend out to dinner instead of taking SD shopping - then what?  There isn't really much you can do.  And do you really think she would tell you that anyway??  And if she spends $$ to go out to dinner with her boyfriend, is that money from her paycheck or from childsupport?  I

We receive child support now and it goes in the bucket.  It doesn't really get set aside in any special way, although I try to put most of it in a separate account to get the girls a car at some point.   Right now, we get $340 (although BM has filed a motion to modify to try to reduce/eliminate) and it certainly wouldn't be hard to account for that amount being spent on the girls!

Anyway - I do understand how you feel and felt very much the same way, especially when we were paying $1390/month for 3 kids that were poorly clothed and never had ANY extras except what we provided in addition to the child support.   But if a CP is honest and taking care of the kids and spending the money on the kids - then the accounting isn't needed.  If they aren't, then they will just lie about the accounting and there really isn't anyway to validate it.  

leon clugston

The monies so we are told is for the better of the child, however this is quite often not the truth in many cases. Also if the monies were realy for the enterest of the child, or to better the child then how come theres no accountability "or laws, or penaties" if the monies are not directed to the childs well being?. The answers to all these questions are in the state plans, where you will find there is no reference anywhere in any state plan, or under the fedral side for the better, or for the welfare of the child, it is all about creation of revenue for the state, but dont take my word for it, go read youre TRUE state plan for youreself and see.
And yes I am a custodial parent, paying another who doesn't contribute nothing financialy to are child, the truth is there its on certified documents, signed by the indiviual states and ok'd by the feds and its not what most people think its for.


I am keeping my kids 80 % of the time ( have for about a 18 months) and I am still paying child support (700.00 a month).  I buy there cloths, medical, food, and insurance and everything else that goes along with raising 2 tenage boys.  She run around in a BMW ( I guess I am paying for that, she is not supporting the kids with it).  

I am scheduled to see a lawyer on april 11th to get full custidy or joint custidy, what ever she advises me to do.  I have good ducumentation on the time the kids are with me and what time they are with there mother.  I am real nerves about all of this, I hope the courts will see my point of view.


leon clugston

you know the kicker to custodial parents paying non custodial is there is no law or regulations for it,it is made up by the courts, or administrative law, which has no force and effect of law, nor applies to the oublic at large, but most people dont have a clue and so they get screwd.


I am the NCP with joint legal and joint physical and I pay CS to a person who lives with mom and whose mom pays the house bills and whose mom leased the person a brand new pickup truck.  The CP in this case chooses not to work despite plenty of jobs available in the chosen field.  The CP gets themselves fired time and time again and then has a million excuses as to why this keeps happening.  So I guess I pay to support the CP in staying at home while both children are in school full time.

I not only pay CS, but I also take the children to doctor and dentist and I buy the children new clothes and shoes because even when CP buys them clothes, for some reason they are too small or in poor condition most times.  I also have a residence to support and the bills that go along with it and I have insurance and car payments and all that.  My state does not take into consideration any other bills that the NCP may have other than taxes taken from the paycheck and who is paying for the medical insurance.  They just don't care that you have to provide a residence for the child to come to.  And that 50% credit is just about worthless the way they figure it but it's something I guess.

I guess I would like to know that the CS doesn't go to entertainment for the CP and for the CP's new vehicle and the CP's "friends" although I am fairly certain that it does based on what I see and hear.  I just keep doing for the children knowing that I can make more money.  The system is neither right nor fair and needs a complete and utter overhaul.  But, I do what's right for my children and try not to worry too much about it for now.

leon clugston

A question if I may? you say you are the NCP, but have joint legal and physical, is youre time with youre kids equal as the other parent has time or is this like a 70-30,. The reason I ask is beleive it or not there is no defffinition of a custodial, NCP in the federal law or regulations nor is there a deffinition on the UNited States Code side( statuatory law) the reason I bring this up is congress wrote the child support laws up for absent parents,(deadbeats) the states twisted it into every application possible, and then demand it be applied in every case, divorcing splitting ETC.. and hence forth revenue for the state.My intent is not to inform one side its for the knowledge of either side, when you dont have hardened deffinitions in the federal law side (statuatory side ) or the regualtions(CFR's) then you have states perverting things to there administrative desires,,ie..revenue.