Really starting to hate "the system"

[crayiii]

When a mother wishes to receive child support all she has to do is pick up the phone.  There are entire state agencies set up to help her, for free.

If I don't feel like paying, they'll just take it out of my check.  When she want's more, she just picks up the phone and dad has to prove why he shouldn't pay more.  Dad seems to be treated like a criminal from day one.

If mom doesn't feel like letting dad see the kids or even talk to them on the phone, she doesn't.  She can refuse visitation or even communication if she feels like it with very little chance of anything happening.

Oh, dad can hire a lawyer and go to court...  If he can afford it.

There is nothing to help dad like there is to help mom.  It's like dad is just a money provider and thats all he needs to be.

[debid13065]

Hit that nail right on the head!  My BF has 4 kids, pays a boatload of money and she's gotten a $192 bi-weekly raise this year, buy taking him to court twice!  She drives a 2005 vehicle, him 1987, can he see his kids, absolutely not!  How fair is that?

[cinb85]

but I don't agree that all a mother has to do to receive support is pick up the phone.

The system stinks because it seems to work towards the favor of those who are either being greedy or sneaky (CP or NCP).  Those of us who are trying to do what's best for the children get screwed!!!

I am a mom, and believe me there's no help out there for me!  

[crayiii]

I don't understand how there is no help.  It seems easy to get a support order established.  Enforcement can be easy through wage garnishment.  It's only the NCP that doesn't care about the child (i.e. works under the table, doesn't care about time with the child, etc.) that makes it difficult.

Even then, there is jail if the CP keeps on the enforcement folks.  All at no cost to the CP.  Heck, if you get on state aid, they will really pick up the pace and go after the NCP.

Oh, and please don't take this as "mom bashing" I know I have been speaking in absolutes and that isn't fair.  It's just been a rough year...

[cinb85]

because he is so sneaky and it's not worth their time.  They constantly tell me "you can't get blood from a stone"!

They can't arrest him because whenever they go to his house, his girlfriend says that he doesn't live there (and he hids in the attic).
It does cost me every time I file a motion and nothing ever comes of it.

You are right about state aid.  My ex has FOUR CS cases against him.  The only one that they truly enforce is the ONE that gets state aid because the state gets reimbursed if he pays the CS.

I KNOW that there are many fathers out there who do pay their CS (as much as they can) and truly want to visit with their children, but sadly that is not the case with my ex.

Just wanted to let you know that the enforcement agencies just kind of ignore those children who's NCP makes it hard for them to get any kind of CS out of them.  I am the CP and they don't help me with the enforcement or anything.  They schedule enforcement hearings, but either he doesn't show up or they give him 3 more months to come up with a job and he ignores that.  And who suffers? The children!

Good luck to all of the Dads who sincerely want to do what's best for the children!

[crayiii]

And good luck to all the mothers who want the fathers involvement and help but don't get it!  Deadbeat dads and deadbeat moms, it sucks...

[cinb85]

But, you know what!  I have done without CS for soooo long, that if only my ex would do some little things for our daughter, I would be grateful.

Last night as trick or treaters were coming to our house, I admired the men who were out trick or treating with their children.  It's not just the money, but the little things that the NCP does that also matter!

I have practically begged my ex to visit with our daughter since he got out of prison in June of this year.  He has TOTALLY ignored my letters.  Not once has he even called our daughter!  Very sad!!!!  She REALLY needs her father as she is now in high school and her whole life is changing!  

[crayiii]

I spent last night with my girlfriend and her son trick or treating.  I called at the set time to speak with my son to wish him fun while he was trick or treating.  No answer...  Been this way for over a week, she's missed each call.

I understand how you feel though.  My girlfriend's ex won't have anything to do with his son.  We drove 5 hours to drop him off at his dad's house for his weekend and when we got there his dad answered the door and told him "I'm drinking beer with my friends, we'll hang out a different time."  and he closed the door.

His 8-year old son cried himself to sleep on our drive back home.

[cinb85]

I don't understand why ANY parent wouldn't do all they can to spend time with their children.  My ex has ignored our daughter for 14 years (she is 14 years old).  When he was in prison, he was writing to me telling me that he loves our daughter and misses her.  He promised that when he got out, things were going to change.  He was going to be a good father to our daughter.  I believed him!!!  He is such a liar.  I sent him a letter one month ago asking him if he plans on visiting our daughter anytime soon.  His girlfriend won't allow me in their house and our daughter won't go to their house without me (at least for the first few times - which "I" think is understandable.  He and his girlfriend are pretty much strangers to her).  I gave him alternatives like meeting at the park in his town or meeting at his mother's house.  He totally ignored my letter.  I will never understand him.  

I hope that you see your son very soon!  Also give your girlfriend's son a hug from me.  I feel so bad for him that his father was so insensitive to say something like that to him!!!  At least he has you in his life!

Good luck!

[crayiii]

I feel for you and your daughter...

It's hard for me sometimes to be anything more than just a male role model to my girlfriends son.  I know that he wants a dad so bad that he would latch on to pretty much any man.  His mom wants whats best for her son and would like me to be "dad" to him.

It is very hard for me because I feel like I'm "cheating" on my son.  Might sound dumb but it's how I feel sometimes.