Really starting to hate "the system"

[dontunderstand]

Trust me, we too wish one of you good dads that are interested in their children had fathered ours as well...I tell DH that ALL THE TIME!!! :) Keep being the good men that you are!!!

[dontunderstand]

DH and I talk about this alot!  I would have no problem going above and beyond for BM (and therefore SD) if BM were normal stopped playing games!

[dontunderstand]

DH felt the same way.  He was mad all the time, because here he was spending time with my daughter (he has been there since she was 1 1/2, she is now 6) and he didn't even know where his daughter was (BM moved without telling him while he was TDY)  He had so much guilt.  It lessened a little when he was finally able to see SD, but he does still struggle with it.  I think it is only natural for you to feel that way, but you are in NO way cheating on your son.  I agree that it is the equivalent to having to sons!  They are both lucky to have you and you are lucky to have both of them, children are a blessing no matter who's they are!  

[Genie]

the good NCP has the horrible CP and the good CP has the horrible NCP.  My ex was the good NCP for quite sometime and we fought tooth and nail to stay in contact with the kids.  Took it to court several times and it always seemed like the money matters or CPs allegations had more weight than her contempt for denying visitation and alienating the kids.  Whatever was said or ordered in court went out of the window when we walked out b/c CP decided only ex had to abide by the orders and she didn't have to.

Now as a CP, my ex is horrible.  Doesn't pay CS, hardly contacts the children.  But here I am going and visiting his parents regularly (they are wonderful people and great grandparents) and of course he takes advantage of it to show up and see the children and hassle me.

Why do I bend over backwards to make sure the girls have contact with his family even though he could care less to do it himself? Because I know what is good for the girls.  Even though I struggle each month to make ends meet and get the girls what they need all by myself.  Why can't I have one of you good NCPs as mine?

But thanks for those who gave us credit as I give you the credit you are due.

[Genie]

is nothing in place afterward to enforce their rulings.  When a NCP doesn't pay CS, the CP can go to the state to get help collecting it at no or little charge to them.  If the CP denies visitation or contact, the NCP can only once again go to court to once again have rulings ignored. My state, IL, has an Interference of Visitation law that when used works quite well.  Too bad only one county we encountered would even enforce it. It whipped ex's CP into shape pretty quickly until she decided to more 2 hours away into a county that didn't care what the law said.  Vistation issues are considered domestic or civil issues by most police departments and they choose to ignore them and won't enforce any court orders in place. They tell you they can't do anything, can't force the children to go with the NCP if they don't want to and you have to go to court to do anything.  Well that does no good.  And this attitude by police departments just gives the bad CP's more reason to do what they please b/c they know nothing will happen to them in most cases.  Why can a police department choose to ignore a law that is in place? Never did get an answer to that one when several different ones chose to not enforce the interference law in place. Boggles the mind but explains why visitation is denied time and time again.

[wendl]

Crayii

Not all the time, I am a custodial mother, my ex has a few kids $36k in arrears over 20k just to our son.  He does not work, they finally served him contempt papers, he has a hearing on 11/17 which he will NOT show as he has another new job. Now he is going to be a transiant AGAIN, and going to New Orleans. Now CS will have a hard time locating him again as he lives off woman.

I haven't gotten ANY support since April (and that was ONLY cuz it was his income tax check) before that I got $30 in Feb. His order is $160 a month, since our move I make less than before, I could go after him for more cs, but whats the point, 1) he doesn't pay and 2) he doesn't give a rats butt about our son.

The only time CS goes after men is the GOOD ONES that actually WORK, But all everyone usually talks about are the dead beats, the majority of men/woman pay their support or at least try.

THIS IS WHAT PISSES ME OFF.

Woman can sit on their lazy butts and collect CS, have MORE kids and live off that man along with the CS they get from the 1st ex, they collect food stamps, go to school fooooorever and don't work. OK if a CP can stay home and NOT contribute FINANCIALLY to the child(ren) why the hell should the man have to pay support, are they BOHT suppose to be supporting their kids financially. grrrr

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Hawkeye]

In my opinion, the system has gone totally insane.

I'm a non-custodial father of one, albeit a couple hundred bucks behind in CS, BUT I have gone out of my way to take care of "our" 8 yr old son on countless occasions when he has a day off from school and plenty others. My ex-wife would rather him spend afterschool time at a dirty daycare/hair parlor than with me. BTW, she makes plenty of $$$ working for a defense contractor.

I've rescheduled my schedule so many times, it would take something more than the Parent-Time-tracker here to keep track of it all. But being the meticulous sort that I am, I have a paper trail.

Now, get this folks, the state wants to take my drivers license away becauase of fifty bucks in arrearages. Say What????

So, if they take my drivers license, I can't go to work, therefore will have no income and unable to pay CS. What sense does that make?

Can you say NONE?

When on God's green earth will the supposed "officials" wake up to reality?

[futureuselesseater]

Problem is that lawyers cost so dang much and if anyone really wants to go to court it costs beyond what it should be.  Honestly, I think it would be great if there was a new law that said family lawyers could only charge so much for their fees to help a father or mother go to court.  I know that is not going to happen, but I think if the state wants dad's taking care of their kids financially they should find ways to help them get involved physically.

[sheliblue118]

Unfortunately, it seems as though the deadbeat fathers are the ones who are in the majority and they give a bad name to you all who try to do what is best for your children.

I have one of those deadbeat fathers for an ex and he appealed the divorce judgement for child support.  

There is no stay that says he doesn't have to pay until the Court of Special Appeals makes a decision (it's been since October 15, 2005 that the case was heard) - so now he's in arrears $17,000 and I've had to try to move heaven and earth to get SOMEBODY to enforce the child support order - my local CSEA here in Maryland has suspended his license 3 times and given it back to him (WITHOUT ANY PAYMENT MADE) all 3 times because he promised he would pay - ha ha - he was also arrested for driving on one of those suspensions, and his attorney wrote a letter to the States Attorney's office misrepresenting the entire case (oh excuse me, she LIED) - she knew FULL WELL ex was in NON-compliance, yet, her letter produced a verdict of NOLLE PROSEQUE - in otherwords, States Atty decided not to prosecute.  There have been 2 contempt hearings scheduled and postponed because the same court that issued the child support order, says we should wait to find Ex in contempt until the appeal is decided - In the meantime, I feed and clothe my 3 growing teenagers on WHAT?? Welfare, church assistance, food from food kitchens, my parents, etc.

His license was suspended a 4th time recently, he was arrested for driving on suspended - hopefully, they will prosecute this time and get child support for me.

So, you fathers who ARE taking responsibility and are interested in your children's lives and welfare, I applaud you and apologize for the ex wives who have made it so difficult for you - the kids are the ones who suffer in ALL of these cases, and it's heart wrenching and frustruating for those of us who DO have our children's best interest in our hearts.

Thanks to all of you who love your children enough to WANT the best you can do for them.

[Genie]

Yes, I can pick up the phone and ask for help but the help is very slow and doesn't do a darn thing at all to help collect.  They haul him into court and say pay and he doesn't so they wait a year and do it again and same thing happens.  Hey he may spend a little time in jail but then gets out and continues to not pay.

So while I know the frustration of trying to see the children (from when I was a stepmom) and getting no help from the courts to help enforce an order once BM walks out the door and does the same thing she always did....

I also know the frustration of supporting 2 children (one a baby) by myself and working full time and doing everything needed for the child with no help from BF b/c he doens't think he needs to support his children but wants to run around and tell everyone who will listen that he is their "father"!!!

So I know that isn't the case in the Fathers here but it isn't any easier on the "other side" getting help with issues and court orders than it is on the NCP side.

The games continue no matter the situation.  Too bad nothing will ever get resolved.