fighting

[2dvldog]

ok bare with me I'm new on here. I have 2 children with my ex..ages 7 and 6. 2 children with my current wife ages 3 and 1. I  have been divorced for 6 years. She had primary physical and joint legal at time of divorce. Every year I have gained more time with the children. In '95 I gained joint physical. since then both children have started school. They have been at the top of thier class both years. Thier teachers have raved about how they love having them in thier classes. My son (7) plays soccer and has a great time with it and my daughter (6) is into dance. They are both very intelligent and polite children with alot of friends. My current wife is very onvolved with the children as well and this seems to be a point of contention with the ex. She filed a few months ago and we went through mediation where the mediator suggested a change in schedule but maintaining joint physical. We then went through mediation where the master changed the schedule but said he saw no reason to change the custody status because the children seemed to be thriving. She now has filed for trial under the reason that I work and she doesnt so she can provide a more stable environment because shes home. And also that she feels my wife is trying to usurp her as the kids mother. Should I worry about this?

[mistoffolees]

IMHO, it's always worth being concerned, but you have a lot of things in your favor.

First, courts don't like changing the status quo if it's working.

Second, you've been through mediation where the mediator didn't feel that a change was needed (although I suspect it was either a poor mediator or wasn't actually a mediation at all since mediators are not supposed to express their opinions that openly).

Third, it sounds like some kind of GAL recommended that custody remain the same.

Get a good attorney and do what they tell you. One thing to watch out for - if she's going to claim that your wife is trying to usurp her role, then you need to make sure that you're not having the kids call your wife 'mom' or anything like that because that WOULD give her ammunition.

[Jade]

>ok bare with me I'm new on here. I have 2 children with my
>ex..ages 7 and 6. 2 children with my current wife ages 3 and
>1. I  have been divorced for 6 years. She had primary physical
>and joint legal at time of divorce. Every year I have gained
>more time with the children. In '95 I gained joint physical.
>since then both children have started school. They have been
>at the top of thier class both years. Thier teachers have
>raved about how they love having them in thier classes. My son
>(7) plays soccer and has a great time with it and my daughter
>(6) is into dance. They are both very intelligent and polite
>children with alot of friends. My current wife is very
>onvolved with the children as well and this seems to be a
>point of contention with the ex. She filed a few months ago
>and we went through mediation where the mediator suggested a
>change in schedule but maintaining joint physical. We then
>went through mediation where the master changed the schedule
>but said he saw no reason to change the custody status because
>the children seemed to be thriving. She now has filed for
>trial under the reason that I work and she doesnt so she can
>provide a more stable environment because shes home. And also
>that she feels my wife is trying to usurp her as the kids
>mother. Should I worry about this?

She has a very good argument about her having the kids during the week while you are working.  At least during your working hours.  

While your wife is their stepmom and is good to them, she is not their mother.

If I were a judge (and I am not), I would side with giving more time to the bio parent who is capable of being with them instead of a daycare provider or a stepmom.  

[2dvldog]

So you're suggesting it would be best f or neither parent to work? I always thought I was the responsible one for providing. She surely hasn't refused her support checks. I would quit working if it meant that I got to see children more but then they wouldnt be able to eat so I guess that's out.

[Jade]

>So you're suggesting it would be best f or neither parent to
>work? I always thought I was the responsible one for
>providing. She surely hasn't refused her support checks. I
>would quit working if it meant that I got to see children more
>but then they wouldnt be able to eat so I guess that's out.


First, she has had 3 MORE children.  It doesn't pay for her to work.  By the time that she and her current husband were done paying for child care costs, they would be dipping into what he earned to pay for the childcare.  And that is something that she and her husband have obviously taken into consideration.  

It is cheaper for her AND for you if she stays home.  Because you would be paying more than the $600 a month in child support that you pay now to cover your portion of child care costs.  

And since she IS a sahm, the courts just may (and should, and if you were the sahp, they should do the same for you) choose to have her be the one to care for them over a daycare provider and a stepmom.  And if they take the children's best interests into consideration, they will.

The courts can also have it set up to where, on the days that you would normally have them, you can pick them up from her home after you are done with work.

The parenting time is yours, not your wife's.  And if you aren't there and the mother is available at that time, there is no reason at all for her to not have the children.

[2dvldog]

no they shouldnt let her have them because shes too lazy to work. I and my wife have to work to take care of our 2 children and pay for my support.  I don't get the option to stay home...why should she get the money and have more time with my children? That is complete bias.

[2dvldog]

oh and my children have neevr set foot in a daycare so its not a matter of daycare or her

[mistoffolees]

>no they shouldnt let her have them because shes too lazy to
>work. I and my wife have to work to take care of our 2
>children and pay for my support.  I don't get the option to
>stay home...why should she get the money and have more time
>with my children? That is complete bias.

I don't 100% agree with Jade (particularly the point where a stay-at-home mom should automatically be favored for custody), but she makes some good points. If you're here seriously looking for advice, you should listen to what people say without flying off the handle.

Calm down, read what Jade said, read what I said, and think about it. Then consult with your attorney.

But don't get upset because the world doesn't work the way YOU want it to.

[2dvldog]

Every reply i have gotten form jade is a mother biased reply. You have to remember the courts are still gender biased and ihave been fighting it for 6 years...I thought getting advice from a site like this would be differant...

[2dvldog]

he has had 3 more children...why shouldn't the expenses come out of his paycheck? why do his 3 children effect me? Whether its cheaper for her for daycare because of her 3 more children or not i shouldn't have to pay for them. He should be paying for HIS children and her inability to work because of them.