PARADE magazine shared custody poll.....

[Kitty C.]

Just found this today.  Here's an opportunity to give some significant numbers and a 'voice' to tell the world what our children REALLY need!

//www.parade.com/intel

Here's the actual article:

Are Divorce Courts Anti-Dad?
Despite a shift toward shared custody over the last 20 years, up to half of fathers lose contact with their kids after a divorce. "In 85% of divorces, fathers get just two weekends a month and a couple of hours during the week," says Mike McCormick of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children.

A new legal trend might change that. With "proportional time," explains Jennifer Rosato of Philadelphia's Drexel University School of Law, "the custody decision is based on the time dads spent with their children before the divorce, rather than presuming that dads have, and want, limited involvement with their kids." But McCormick says dads still could get shortchanged: "What happened in the past with a family doesn't represent what will happen in the future." He says that supporting your kids is about more than money, "but courts want a check first and a relationship second."

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Personally, I agree with the last comment... the courts actually do care more about the check than the relationship.  But I certainly do NOT agree with a custody decision based upon the time dads have spent previously with their kids.  This would be just an excuse for FT working moms to quit their jobs or take cuts in pay and/or time just to justify the time spent with the kids if they are considering a split.  And in a relationship with a SAHM, the point is definitely moot.  I believe that 'proportional time' means even proportions between the parents, NOT on quantity of time previously spent.  And if the parents choose to divide the time in any way other than 50/50, that is their choice to make, NOT the courts.

[tigger]

a lot more time with the kids than he spent with them while we were together and I worked full time during our marriage.  Even when another couple had kids the same age as ours, he would insist that we drop them off at his parents' because he didn't want to be burdened while we were at the other couple's house.  

For the first three months after the separation, he would wait for me to drop the kids off at his parents (where he was staying) and then he'd split to see his mistress.  His dad finally told me what was happening and told his son that if he wasn't going to be around to drop out all together because it hurt the kids to want to see daddy and then daddy disappears.  Sounds horrible but the good that came of it was my ex had to make a decision.  Fortunately, he chose to be there for the kids.  He hasn't been perfect and his comments of how painful resetting a broken bone can be while we were in the ER awaiting results of an xray for our youngest were less than Father of the Year material, at least he's tried.  When my oldest didn't want to go see him any more and wanted to lie to him about having to work so he didn't have to go, I wouldn't allow it.  I told him that he owed it to himself and his dad to be honest with him and work it out.  The relationship, while not perfect, was worth preserving.

[tigger]

a lot more time with the kids than he spent with them while we were together and I worked full time during our marriage.  Even when another couple had kids the same age as ours, he would insist that we drop them off at his parents' because he didn't want to be burdened while we were at the other couple's house.  

For the first three months after the separation, he would wait for me to drop the kids off at his parents (where he was staying) and then he'd split to see his mistress.  His dad finally told me what was happening and told his son that if he wasn't going to be around to drop out all together because it hurt the kids to want to see daddy and then daddy disappears.  Sounds horrible but the good that came of it was my ex had to make a decision.  Fortunately, he chose to be there for the kids.  He hasn't been perfect and his comments of how painful resetting a broken bone can be while we were in the ER awaiting results of an xray for our youngest were less than Father of the Year material, at least he's tried.  When my oldest didn't want to go see him any more and wanted to lie to him about having to work so he didn't have to go, I wouldn't allow it.  I told him that he owed it to himself and his dad to be honest with him and work it out.  The relationship, while not perfect, was worth preserving.

[Davy]

Kitty ... good find for this board....

It is astounding that this subject is still a discussion issue in 2008.  After all the pain and suffering by children that got tangled into this mess ... our systems require a complete revamping.

In all these long years I have never heard of this BS  presumption

 that dads HAVE and WANT, LIMITED involvement with their kids."

Does any one know if that is the new buzz phase ???

[Fueledbyjava]

I don't think it is that dads want limited involvement with their kids its that courts basically give the kids to the mothers automatically and relegate fathers to 4 days a month. The mothers call all the shots with the children, the fathers are basically a paycheck and a visit every now and then, any extra time is subject to the whims of the mother. The kids get older they don't want to go somewhere else on the weekends or for a month in the summer, the fathers are basically phased out. The system is flawed and needs a complete overhaul. I can't tell you how different the fathewrs of today are from the fathers 20 years ago, and women are different too. Gone are the days of single income households and stay at home moms. I would almost say that there are more women out there that act like men in the home  and more men who act like the homemaker now, the world has changed so much in just the last ten years but the courts have not kept up.

[tigger]

custody of me and my brother in 1970.  He didn't prove our mother unfit.

[Fueledbyjava]

It just seems to me that the generic male stereotype that the courts use for most males doesn't fit today's father. Fathers today are involved in every aspect of their childrens lives, whereas I believe most courts look at men as simply breadwinners and they should only function in the respect of financially supporting mothers and children which is completely biased and unfair.

[Davy]

I started to itemize but realized after only a  few entries :

  (1) courts raise CS amount for each  "denial of visitation" contempt action;
 (2) arrest attempts during court ordered visitation periods or other false accusations
  (3) mothers not held accountable for non-compliance to ANY court order

 ...HOW lenghty this list would become and how WIDELY KNOWN the various exhausting practices are

WHAT WILL BE DONE TO STOP the unnecessary and unwarranted destrruction to families and children.  That should be the only focus.  

[Fueledbyjava]

That's true but the courts are more concerned about a quick fix than really looking at waht is best for the children it is so much easier to just give the child to the mother and order child support from the normally higher income father. relegate him to 4 days a montha nd eventually he is fased out but the check never stops coming. Case dismissed.

[Davy]

SO based on your response your battle is not so much with the other parent as it is with a government employee and  benign social policies
that throw away your children ... children he nevers sees .

Currently the survey at the  front of this post indicates that 38 % of responders do not think children should have equal access to a parent father.

What purpose is served ?  Many have fought this and continue to fight !