An open letter to SPARC and Brent

[nerd]

Dear Sparc Administrators,

I am a little confused. I have been reading the many many post made by Brent on this board. I was under the impression that this board was set up to help parents learn how to protect their rights and raise their children in a way that benefits the children. I was under the impression that this board was designed to help parents not bash women.

I will admit that I have not read SPARC's Mission Statement but would like to request that you post a link and make it public so that people do not confuse what you are here for.

I realize that I do not have to read Brent's post, no one has to read them for his message heads are graphic enough. I thought that this was a family board and yet we are exposed to the foulest language, the sickest reports, and posts that clearly are not family oriented but instead lend an atmosphere of "The War of The Genders!" Have I been so naïve as to think that this board is here to help both male and female?

I have not read posts from anyone who has taken it upon him or herself to tell the vilest stories about males. Why do you allow this sort of war mongering to go on so frequently? How can women who are NCP's feel comfortable seeking help from SPARC only to blasted away at by a person who is clearly a "woman hater?" And can a person who generalizes about women in a clearly demeaning and mentally abusive way, really be a person who will help without bias, or letting his personal hatred get in the way? I am not talking about the news stories that he seeks out, but his personal references made about women in general. that includes me and every woman on this board as well as the wonderful professional women who offer their time to help people on this board.

I for one am tired of his generalized female bashing. He cannot even make up his mind what part of the female he wants to bash, so he just bashes everything! One post he is bashing stay at home moms, the next he is bashing working moms.

SPARC needs to make up its mind just what kind of board you want to be. You have a good thing going here. Please don't let it be ruined by hatred, gender bashing, and sick, vile, posts, especially when the posts are irrelevant to what you are trying to accomplish here. It is truly embarrassing. I think Brent has some real issues here and it does not look good for SPARC.

I know this will probably get me kicked off the board, but surely there is somewhere else out there an old woman can go to that doesn't have someone posting NUMEROUS times a day and in NUMEROUS places, trying to make me feel like scum because of my gender. I thought he was an administrator of this board? It is not very professional behavior. If he did that sort of thing on a job, he would be fired! that should tell you that it is not appropriate.

This is not the place for this sort of thing. Men and Women come here for help. Brent needs to take his need to gender bash to separate board, and let this one get on about the business of helping parents, female and male learn how to raise the children properly after divorce. Thank you for your time and trouble.

[Indigo Mom]

You have to "get" Mr. B.  He adores women.  Those who know exactly "what" they are.  He clearly despises feminists...those who drag the rest of us down, and yes, he posts up the wazoo about them.

I like reading his silly feminist articles because I usually "get" him right back.  Have fun with Mr. B...he's kewl beenz.  

[Brent]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm not trying to bash you or women, and I'm sorry that you percieve it that way. I post a variety of things, some general, some specific, and yes- some show women in a less-than-perfect light. Sorry, but I won't censor myself based on your personal feelings.

Here's a link to the mission statement:

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/about.htm

And here's what it says:

Mission Goals

The SPARC Web Site is a 501(c)(3) Non-profit organization with one primary goal, which is to ensure that children of divorce have access to both parents, regardless of marital status.

To accomplish this, we have several specific secondary goals, which include:

- assisting non-custodial parents (especially fathers) in obtaining fair and equitable custody arrangements;

- disseminating information on Parenting Evaluations (also called Custody Evaluations);

- raising awareness of issues that fathers and non-custodial parents face.

If I post something that makes you feel bad, please understand that's not my intent. As for posting often, well, that's what I do. There's no limit on the number of times you or I or anyone can post. Many of the things I post are of a topical or "newsy" nature. If you don't like them, you really don't have to read them. It's not mandatory. :)

This board is titled "Custody Issues". Most of the custody issues in today's society are about fathers; that's just the way it is. There is no "mother's rights movement" because there's no need for one, but fathers are at a disadvantage in this society and much of what I post relates to that. You have my sincere apologies if it makes you feel bad or uncomfortable, but that's the reality of current times.

I don't post anything with the express intent of dumping on women or bashing women. I do post things that relate to discrimination against men and the hypocrisy that is wielded against them every day. Again, if this makes you feel uncomfortable, you have my sincere apology, and I'd ask only that you not take it personally. It's not meant to be. If you aren't comfortable with reality and the way the world is as it relates to men, you may not like some of the things I post. Best not to read them in that case.

Sometimes my language is coarse. If that's your most serious complaint, consider yourself lucky.

You wrote:

>How can women who are NCP's feel comfortable seeking
>help from SPARC only to blasted away at by a person who
>is clearly a "woman hater?"

Please show me what you believe to be my "woman bashing"- I'm curious to know what it is. Who knows, I may even change, if I feel your viewpoint has merit. :)


>I know this will probably get me kicked off the board,

Well, I doubt that. Dissent is welcome here, as are your comments. Very, very few people have ever been kicked off of SPARC, 5 or 6 as far as I know.


>but surely there is somewhere else out there an old woman
>can go to that doesn't have someone posting NUMEROUS times
>a day and in NUMEROUS places, trying to make me feel like
>scum because of my gender.

I think this says more about you than me- I do NOT post things trying to make you feel like scum, and I''m cusrious to see some examples of what you mean by that. 99% of what I post comes from public news sites. I find articles of interest (yes, often to men) and I post them here. Some portray women in a bad light, but that's reality- women don't walk on water any more than men do.

Again, if I've offended you, you have my apology, but don't expect me to radically alter the way I live and post in order to avoid offending you.

[Brent]

>You have to "get" Mr. B.  He adores women.  

Actually, I do adore women, and that's the truth.



>I like reading his silly feminist articles because I usually
>"get" him right back.  Have fun with Mr. B...he's kewl beenz.

Well, thank you, I appreciate that. I understand that she may take offense at some (or most!) of the stuff I post, but heck, ya can't please everyone. (Did you notice I said "heck" instead of that other really bad word? See, I can change! :) )

You know, when I read article after article about men doing bad things, I don't take it personally. It's reality- there are some bad men out there, but I don't take offense when I see them on the news, in movies, magazines, television, etc etc.

[Brent]

>I have been reading the many many post made by
>Brent on this board.

Hmmm, I just looked, and the fact is, I hardly post on this board at all. (??) Do you mean the Fathers Issues board, perhaps? That's where I do most of my posting. I rarely post here on Custody Issues.

[MKx2]

be careful!  You're starting to sound like you really might be a nice guy LOL!

In all seriousness though Brent ... there are times that I read some of your posts (the articles you post) and ... I really do feel a little less than the worth of a piece of doggy-doo-doo.  Perhaps it's because I identify with the word "woman" simply because I AM one!  And I despise those women out there who are less than responsible and accountable when it comes to so many of these issues - in particular the feminazis (I could barely type the word it is so vile to me).

I wouldn't expect you to change your style of posting for anyone ... but ya know, the occasional post where you sound like the nice person you probably are would be nice - LOL not that you care if I think you're nice, just that it would be ... what ... I can't think of any word other than "reassuring."

And OT here, I DO think women should register for the draft, although I don't know how safe you or any other man would feel with one next to you in the middle of a PMS rage or breakdown on the battlefield!

[Peanutsdad]

Are you KIDDING???

A woman in the throes of PMS??,, sheesh, just point em at the bad guys,, let em excercise that anger ;)


I feel safer already.

[MKx2]

PD!!!!!!  Don't you relaize the DANGER of that?  Don't all women become TOTALLY  irrational at that time???  For GOD's sake man!  That woman might become TOTALLY disoriented and decide YOU are the enemy and shoot you!

I know that we are "trainable" to some extent, but ya gotta understand  during a PMS rage we fall under the "temporary insanity" gig!

I should be ashamed of myself - my 22 year old great niece is being deployed next week to Iraq for the second time ... I pray she'll stay safe.  She has an 18 mo old son waiting for her return.

[Peanutsdad]

LOL, ok MK, so we point em at the bad guys,, and pull the good guys WAYYYYY back outa harms way.

My prayers for your great neice. War is a shitty business for anyone to learn about. There are some lessons,, I dont think any civilized human being should have to learn.

[richiejay]

I guess you are entitled to your opinion, but I have found that most, if not all of Bren't posts, refer to a news article or something similar that are truly bashing men.  I have gone back to see what could be considered vile or sick and have come up with nothing that is gender-bashing.  Feminazi bashing, now that's another story. The majority of most people on this board are men, and in a custodial world full of women I find it refreshing to see someone defend things that are unjust from the perspective of a man (or non-custodial parent).  To say that I am insensitive to issues of a feminist is also a joke...I married one.  Oh, and I'm also a custodial parent.

[1angrystepmom]

Nerd,
     The fact is, Brent's posts are quite enlightening.  They DON'T make me feel any other way, other than PROUD to be WHO I AM.  Why??  I am proud that I have risen above the stereotypical CP Mother.  I suppose my DH's EX thinks I am a PBFH, for without my finding this board, she would STILL (14 years later) be hiding my SD, from DH.  

      Brent is quite colorful in his language at times...  ;)  However THIS IS NOT A BOARD FOR CHILDREN.  Custody issues are NOT issues children should EVER be exposed to.  

     The majority of the posts by Brent you are referring to are posted on the "Father's issues" board.  I don't know any female fathers.... so that particular board IS for MEN. (Although I DO read there quite often.  I rarely post without remembering that it IS a FATHER'S board)


     Amber

P.S.     Brent.....  I think you responded with tact and integrity!!  Thanks!  

     

[MKx2]

"The majority of most people on this board are men"

*********

I'm not absolutely positive, but I believe a poll was taken not long ago and the majority of the members are women - most of whom are married to the NCP and are struggling with the same issues as are the NCP fathers.

If I'm wrong about the numbers I will stand corrected ... if you were referring to a specific message board, such as Father's Issues, I have NO idea if the majority are men or women.  I certainly read the Father's Boards and do post there, just as I do the others.

[1angrystepmom]

The majority here ARE Women, I wish this would change however.  I think it is WONDERFUL how many women "Stand by their man!!"

Amber

[Indigo Mom]

-----Well, thank you, I appreciate that. I understand that she may take offense at some (or most!) of the stuff I post, but heck, ya can't please everyone. -----

No, you can't.  Your "women bashing" posts used to bother me.  Then I started letting what they say sink into me skull...and I liked them.  I'm so different than those "unwomen" you post about and that makes me thankful for who I am....even with all my quirky little ways.  I also get to poke at you with my funky responses...that's fun even though you do ignore me, Keanu!!!!!  (typical man pig blob of blech!!!!)

-----(Did you notice I said "heck" instead of that other really bad word? See, I can change!  -----

DUDE...I so toooooooootally feel this!  I got blasted by that woman on the fathers board and I didn't go off using foul words!!!  What's wrong with us???????????? Must be something in the air.  I'm going to the army surplus store and buying a gas mask because it's so unlike me to be nice.  grrrrrr

[Indigo Mom]

-----A woman in the throes of PMS??,, sheesh, just point em at the bad guys,, let em excercise that anger -----

Listen here, you backwoods, overall wearing, straw eating creep!!!!!  I've recently entered phase #2 of the whole "monthly friend" ordeal and I'm being fricken nice, dammitalltohell!  How dare you insinuate we're "angry" during our "time".  Dude, you're lucky you live wherever you live cause I'd have to rip your head off!!!!

Nah, just kidding!  I wouldn't hurt you!  (well....maybe I would)  

;)

[Indigo Mom]

-----I know that we are "trainable" to some extent, -----

LMAO!  The ol man and I had this discussion last night!  He looks at me and says "where's my food, b*tch".  (he was joking)  I look at him and screech out a string of obsenities that would make Brent proud.  He says "gee...I thought you would have been trained by now". Me?  Trainable?  LMAO!!!!  Many have tried, all have walked away with permanent war wounds.  Ol Indy here will NEVER be tame!!!!

[denverdad]

Denver Dad

I am new here and have not read alot about what Bret says. But Men have been BASHED with out regard for years. I think it is silly for any one to do so but you must understand how bad it had been for men. You never hear the term Dead Beat Mom but every one knows Dead Beat Dad.  We are all in this together to raise our wonderful children. It;s to bad the world has come to this. Dont hate Brent try to understand him.

[nosonew]

And you know what else?  Not once did I ever see where anyone on this board suggest you find another one to go to if you didn't like this one.  That says alot, as alot of the mommy-friendly boards will bash you for saying anything good about a dad and throw you off their site.  This board is for everyone, mainly ncp dads, and their supporters.  And I get a huge kick out of Brent, and if you will notice, he also makes it easy for newbies to find the archives by putting the site right there in his reply, all they have to do is "click" and presto, there it is!  And as a step-mom, this site has been a HUGE gift to me!  And if I were lucky enough to win the lottery, I would remember who my friends are, like this site and the people who post and chat here!

[Indigo Mom]

-----Not once did I ever see where anyone on this board suggest you find another one to go to if you didn't like this one-----

I just did that.  Of course, it was only after she threatened SPARC...but hey, leave it up to me to go against the grain and request someone to get the hell off a site that isn't even mine.  LOL...

[Brent]

Lol, you woman-basher.  :)

[Indigo Mom]

Stay away from me!  This is the SECOND thread you and I have been deleted from!

You're a bad influence!!!!!  I'm just an innocent lil thang...I can't be getting in trouble with the likes of you!



;)

[nerd]

I think I will stay around awhile longer.

[Peanutsdad]

Good!!!


hehehehe,, gotta admit, yer thread got a lotta replies ;)

[Kitty C.]

'I know this will probably get me kicked off the board, but surely there is somewhere else out there an old woman can go to that doesn't have someone posting NUMEROUS times a day and in NUMEROUS places, trying to make me feel like scum because of my gender.'

As a woman who's been here almost since inception of this site, and MIGHT be considered old by some here, I have NEVER felt like scum because I'm a woman because of the articles that Brent posts.  On the contrary, it makes my resolve that much stronger, to fight for the rights of the children.  

It's all in preception.  If you want to feel like scum, then go right ahead.  Many times it pisses me off, but certainly NOT at myself, but at the crazy wack-o's out there who are perpetuating it.  If anything, many radical feminists used to make me ASHAMED to be a woman, but not anymore.  THEY are the ones who should be ashamed.  Because with their thinking and what they've done to society, IMO they have NO RIGHT to the gender.

As far as content goes, the court system is Mommy-biased, so Brent's posts on what the feminists are doing or thinking tells US a lot about the tone and timbre of the courts.  As we ALL know that whatever the feminists to, the tail-wagging politicians will go along with.  ONLY when that tie is broken will we ever see REAL changes in the court system and ACTUAL help for the children.

[StPaulieGirl]

You should have been here a few years ago.  Aaaay carumba!  The funny thing is that if Brent doesn't post some of these articles, I will.  He usually beats me to it.  Sweetheart, 99% of the people here are ok.  You'll find bitter people everywhere on the internet, but I don't think Brent falls under that category.

I've learned a lot about my responsibilities towards my children and visitation because of this site.  I've also gotten a lot of good advice.  Nerd, if you're here you aren't a feminist, so please don't take offense at the articles posted.  Yeah some of it is "off color", but I think that stuff is funny.  Maybe you should avoid Brent's posts?

Anyway, take care and have a good day :-)

[luckystepmom]

When my hubby and I bagan going through all the CS and custody probs. with his ex.  I looked for help everywhere.  I went to legal websites that bashed me for being an involved stepmom and loving his child.   I even went to a website called singlemomz.com to try and get BM's side of things.  Instead of one helpful reply I had about 50 women tell me to step back and I don't deserve to post for my husband's or my own understanding of the situation.  I've have been yelled at so many times for caring about my stepdaughter I started to question whether or not I should just forget and never become a loving stepmom because everyother woman out there seemed to feel if you give birth your God and if you don't you're scum, luckly my conscience wouldn't let me give up.  If you here female bashing or dislike in your search for help,  Don't take it personally.  These topics make emotions run high and sometimes people don't realize they're being hurtful to good people.  Most likely, the non-support you've recieved is because almost everyone in these places has been hurt.  Its not fair that you were made to feel bad for the past experiences you haven't caused, but its easy to see why it happens.  Learn be strong, let your love guide you, and you will find the help you need, eventually.  And on behalf of those that may have hurt you as a backlash to their own pain, you have my apologies and sympathy.

[luckystepmom]

When my hubby and I bagan going through all the CS and custody probs. with his ex.  I looked for help everywhere.  I went to legal websites that bashed me for being an involved stepmom and loving his child.   I even went to a website called singlemomz.com to try and get BM's side of things.  Instead of one helpful reply I had about 50 women tell me to step back and I don't deserve to post for my husband's or my own understanding of the situation.  I've have been yelled at so many times for caring about my stepdaughter I started to question whether or not I should just forget and never become a loving stepmom because everyother woman out there seemed to feel if you give birth your God and if you don't you're scum, luckly my conscience wouldn't let me give up.  If you here female bashing or dislike in your search for help,  Don't take it personally.  These topics make emotions run high and sometimes people don't realize they're being hurtful to good people.  Most likely, the non-support you've recieved is because almost everyone in these places has been hurt.  Its not fair that you were made to feel bad for the past experiences you haven't caused, but its easy to see why it happens.  Learn be strong, let your love guide you, and you will find the help you need, eventually.  And on behalf of those that may have hurt you as a backlash to their own pain, you have my apologies and sympathy.

[mudbunnies]

i've read this post, and the replies....

i'm a woman

i love reading his posts

i bash feminazis at times

i bash revolving door parents of any gender


makes no difference to me... what's best for our kiddies matters

post on dude


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