Son needs help

[geebee]

I am taking in all the advice here and will be passing it along tonight to son...I will tell him to come a talk!

Definately not worried about new dude, new dudes can come and go like new girls.....

[geebee]

hello everyone im the son in need of help.Ive read everything that everyone has written about my problem here and i wanted to thank everyone who has replyed so far.

Ok this is where im at,right now all im really looking for my from my sons mothers is just for it to be the way it was.Meaning that my son will be with me every weekend or every other weekend.That is all i really want,as long as i can be a part of his life even if it is weekends thats totally fine with me.I mean ive been doing it for the last year or so.Now im not totally sure what is going to happen now because there has not been another court date set in place.There was one set earlier this month,but i was never served my papers correctly.So im not sure what is going to go on now.Supposley everything is going to be shipped to my county but im not sure about that one.

1.With me having a pfa against me stating that im allowed to have him from friday to sunday.Should i go there every weekend risking that she might call the cops and say i was doing something that i wasnt doing.That is what i fear the most,that i go up there with my paper work and she calls the cops and trys to tell them that i did something that i didnt do.This girl can go off of her rocker sometimes.That is why i havent attempted it.So what should i do about that one.

2.For some reason philadelphia legal aid is being lame about sending a referral to bucks county legal aid.So they can see me.Meaning like they wont do it for some reason.They say the court is up there so i shouldnt need one,even though i live down here.Im not sure if it is because another court has been set,or they dont know what there talking about."Its seems to be that way sometimes with philly court stuff".So should i just go the legal aid in bucks and tell them what is going on or what?.All of this legal stuff is really new to me and im not totally sure on what to do about alot of things that is why im here asking questions.

3.Now with me doing the things to make myself better that should help my case some right? Also when i do finally go to court about this i should only ask for weekends or every other weekend at this point right?
because i know im not going to be able to get 50/50 or anything like that.

Those are some of the questions i had to ask,im sure there are more of me to ask but i cant think of any of them right now.When i do think of them ill come back and post alot more because i know there will be more questions for me to ask.Once again i wanted to say thankyou for the help because i could use all of the help i can get right now.

[Peanutsdad]

Hoss,,, ( I'll call ya hoss to differentiate between you and your mom.),,


Keep doing what you are doing,, and document, document, document!!  Did I also mention,, document??

IF you can show the court you are doing what you need to in order to be in your childs life,, at WORST,, you may have 6 months of supervised,, graduating into regular visitation.

Anything you can do to document BM's behavior,, ie videotape ALL meetings for visitation,, keep all emails, letters and if possible, tape all calls. Make sure to find out whether your state is a one party or two to ensure the legality of the taping.

In your situation, with a pre-existing order for visitation, and a current restraining order, ( I believe that was the case, yes?),, you must obey the terms of any restraining order if it is the most current order.  If you are under a RO,, you need to file a modification to temp orders stating the current orders are unworkable due to this and request a meutral exchange location, ie police station.

In any case,, do NOT go alone to excercise visitation, and absolutely DO bring AND use a video camera to document the encounters with a witness present.

[Peanutsdad]

Hoss,,, ( I'll call ya hoss to differentiate between you and your mom.),,


Keep doing what you are doing,, and document, document, document!!  Did I also mention,, document??

IF you can show the court you are doing what you need to in order to be in your childs life,, at WORST,, you may have 6 months of supervised,, graduating into regular visitation.

Anything you can do to document BM's behavior,, ie videotape ALL meetings for visitation,, keep all emails, letters and if possible, tape all calls. Make sure to find out whether your state is a one party or two to ensure the legality of the taping.

In your situation, with a pre-existing order for visitation, and a current restraining order, ( I believe that was the case, yes?),, you must obey the terms of any restraining order if it is the most current order.  If you are under a RO,, you need to file a modification to temp orders stating the current orders are unworkable due to this and request a meutral exchange location, ie police station.

In any case,, do NOT go alone to excercise visitation, and absolutely DO bring AND use a video camera to document the encounters with a witness present.

[geebee]

HI P Dad
This is Mom, thank you for helping out I appreciate it...Hugs to you and get better soon and stop eating eggshells LOL!

[NoNicky]

I've read the thread and just want to add that as long as your son continues to follow the treatment plan and can get his psychologist to testify or sign an affidavit swearing that he is in treatment, his condition is under control and he is improving, it can actually be used as a strength for him.  But he must be vigilant and everything must be documented.  

Did anyone mention to you how important it is to document?  LOL  Also consider downloading the time tracker available on this site.  Use it to help document every denied visitation.  He CAN NOT violate the RO to get his son even when he is supposed to have him.  What he can do is use the time tracker and other documentation to show that he is abiding by his end of the deal by not breaking RO and that she is in fact in contempt of court by not allowing ordered visitation time.

I also feel it is very important that you find a way to afford an attorney.  Take a loan out if you have to.  Borrow where you can.  This is a tricky enough case with the mental health issues that he will be shredded if he attempts pro se.  My personal concern for a pro se case would be the extra stress it would place on your son and that it would cause forward progress to cease in the least and a possible backwards slide for him.  And that's if things are going well for him.  The stress from these things is incredible and he needs an attorney to relieve that stress and handle things for him.  An attorney could also better prepare him for the questions they will throw at him.  If it were to get to a stage where there are depositions or the like there would be unbelievably cruel things said in an attempt to push him over the edge and there would be inappropriate questions asked in an attempt to get him to volunteer information that it might not be in his best interest to volunteer.

Good luck to him, and you!

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[Indigo Mom]

-----1.With me having a pfa against me stating that im allowed to have him from friday to sunday.Should i go there every weekend risking that she might call the cops and say i was doing something that i wasnt doing.That is what i fear the most,that i go up there with my paper work and she calls the cops and trys to tell them that i did something that i didnt do.This girl can go off of her rocker sometimes.That is why i havent attempted it.So what should i do about that one.-----

Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT go there!!!!!  Ya think she won't call the police?  LMAO!  Ooooh...she will.  She doesn't even have to tell the police you were "doing" anything...all she has to do is tell them about the restraining order and you're done for.  They'll cart you off to jail, and need I remind you that Judges don't hear cases on the weekends?  You'll be arrested on friday, won't see a Judge til monday...what a joyous weekend in jail THAT will be.  NOT.  I wonder if you can go to the police station and request a "civil assist"?  Don't know if that would work, but at least you'd have an officer approach your ex for your son.

No clue about your #2 question.

-----3.Now with me doing the things to make myself better that should help my case some right? Also when i do finally go to court about this i should only ask for weekends or every other weekend at this point right?
because i know im not going to be able to get 50/50 or anything like that.-----

Everything you do to "settle" your issues is great.  I still stick by my first post...or whichever one it is that says you should go for what you can "handle" right now...and if that's "only" every weekend, then by golly, ask for every weekend.  Keep in mind, geebee....these orders are NOT set in stone.  You do what you have to do, and when it's done...you can petition the courts for more time....and keep doing it until you're at the 50/50 split.  

[geebee]

How about that PFA was granted after RO was in place...and the judge who issued PFA knew that the RO was in place??????????

[geebee]

No Nicky sorry I took so long to respond back thank you for your kind words first of all, second money is an issue it cannot be gotten, sorry no loans available for either him or I. (I am recovering from financial problems from my own divorce 5 years ago)

My son is trying to get legal aide but they are playing a game since he resides in one county and court case is in another county hopefully we can get that situation straighten out before it is to late to use that option.

" What he can do is use the time tracker and other documentation to show that he is abiding by his end of the deal by not breaking RO and that she is in fact in contempt of court by not allowing ordered visitation time.  "

But if PFA was written with full knowledge of RO, how can this be right?

[NoNicky]

The order can be handled in other ways.  She can arrange to drop him off with you or some other adult who will transfer him to his father.  Another thing that can be done is that she can drop him off at the police station and your son can pick him up there.  Other people with ROs do this.  Ask around here on the board and I'm sure you will find some who have had ROs against them but still were able to exercise their visitation rights.  The point is there ARE ways it can be done.

Best to you both!

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6