Son needs help

[geebee]

My oldest son has a 3yo boy. My son and the Mom are not together, my son is bi-polar and on meds, she has an RO against son because she shoved he shoved her back cops came he went to jail... (he said she said) I wont comment anymore on that. But they do not have CS set up, they have one paper that says son now is to have grandson from 4pm on friday to 4pm on sunday every week...which he hasn't had...Mom tells him not to come near house cause of RO which ok I get but then wont meet him to have him take son, so now a month later he hasnt seen his son and she is taking him to court for custody and cs....He would love 50/50 but it is doubtful he will get it, he would take eow with her meeting him in a public place but is afraid he wont get that much any suggestions would help.....

Also Managers can you direct me to a site that may help him since there isnt any income at this time because of bi-polar he only gets food stamps and medical and is working on cash assistance and cannot afford a lawyer.

I will be honest I cannot afford a lawyer for him either...

Has anyone done pro se that may be able to help him...??

[Peanutsdad]

Your son has three issues right now that are going to weigh heavily against him.

1. He has a psychological disorder,, and THAT is sure to be played in court.

2. He was arrested on domestic violence.  With a violence issue, depending on the police reports, its very likely he could end up not only without 50/50,,, but on supervised visitation.

3. He is unemployed due to a psychological disorder. Her attorney is going to maintain if he cannot work due to his psych issues, then no way no how can he take care of a child.

This combination of events places your son in a grim position for any kind of custody award.

I cannot stress enough,, I STRONGLY urge you and he to reconsider and find a way to retain an attorney. This is NOT the kind of case I would want to see anyone without experience attempt to do pro se. His issues at hand are not only to defend himself on an DV arrest, but to convince the court he can care for a child when he cannot care for himself.

As far as  financial help for dads in custody fights,, it doesnt exist. Nor do I know of anyone that even knows of any pro bono attorneys. The only, and best free help I've found is right here at this site. Begin by reading every last article, every hint, every bit of advise.


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at:

[geebee]

Thank you Peanuts Dad! I will tell him to come look at these things so he can get advice....So if it seems as 2 people are writing a post under my name it will be him and I.....

[geebee]

I thought of something, could he or should he bring up her use of drugs?

 How should he address it if he does bring it up?

The Paper work he received about visitation was done with full knowledge of his bipolar and of DV arrest..will that come into play?

He lives with my sister in a very stable enviroment, will that help?

He is going to meetings for DV like clockwork, he is being treated for bipolar with no problems.

[Indigo Mom]

-----1. He has a psychological disorder,, and THAT is sure to be played in court.-----

He needs to get any and all "treatment" for his problems.  (medicaid will pay for this) If one ignores their problems, then I believe it can be used...but a parent who's trying to treat his/her problem...well, they should be given a chance.  We are born with certain things...we "get" certain things throughout our life.  Mental issues aren't our "fault" and shouldn't be treated as such...UNLESS...we choose to ignore them.  

-----2. He was arrested on domestic violence. With a violence issue, depending on the police reports, its very likely he could end up not only without 50/50,,, but on supervised visitation.-----

You're right, he probably won't get 50/50...for now.  If he goes through his classes, and actually learns something (the "teacher" writes up a report about them.  I know, monster was buried by his therapist), if he keeps his nose clean, if he does what he has to do...then eventually he can be on unsupervised parenting time.  One episode of "domestic violence" doesn't mean he'll continue.  More than one?  He's gotta problem.

-----3. He is unemployed due to a psychological disorder. Her attorney is going to maintain if he cannot work due to his psych issues, then no way no how can he take care of a child.-----

Right now, he can't even attempt to go for custody or even 50/50.  If he shows that he wants a relationship with his child...he wants to spend time with the child, then money isn't "as" important.  After all, he's not asking to feed, clothe, pay for daycare while he's looking for work, he's not "asking" for sole custody...or shoudl I say, he shouldn't.   Right now, he's asking for parenting time...he should keep the every weekend thing in mind.  Now, if he was trying for custody?  The money is going to be a HUGE issue.  I remember monster wanting sole custody of lil dude back...all the while claiming he couldn't afford a $25 drug test.  That played a HUGE part in the end of him.  

-----but to convince the court he can care for a child when he cannot care for himself. -----

Here's my beef.  If he's trying for every weekend, or every other weekend, he should be able to prove he can take care of the child ON THOSE DAYS.  She said he's getting food stamps..we know she'll be eating.  She said he's getting medicaid...so she'll have free health insurance for the mother to take the child to the doctor whenever.  He's working on getting cash benefits...so that could help with the necessities while the child is with him.  If he can prove he can provide for the child while in his care...that's what should matter.  (course, that's my opinion)

He needs to walk into court and let the Judge KNOW that he's NOT trying to take sole custody of the child at this time, he simply wants a meaningful relationship on the weekends, until he can get his "issues" taken care of.





***Everyone gets burned. You can't go through life and not be burned. Some fires destroy us and some fires refine us. - rich mullins***

[geebee]

Indigo
He is getting all treatment that he can he did a self check in awhile back so his medication could be regulated completely, he goes weekly to therapy, and to group sessions.

DV issue he is going to all classes and doing his reporting as required and also taking to his therapist about these issues also.

Your comment 3, wouldnt it be better to try for 50/50 with hopes that he will get at least eow?? Or should he not try for the 50/50?


My grandson Mother is also receiving cash assistance, food stamps and medicare..so she is in same situation....she got section 8 housing because grandson has majority of time resided with her, or at least 50% of the time, until recently they had every other week, with no orders and it went well...until another person got involved.

[Peanutsdad]

Thanx Indi,, you always keep me looking at issues from other sides ;)


You see the possiblilities,, I play devils advocate many times.

[Indigo Mom]

-----He is getting all treatment that he can he did a self check in awhile back so his medication could be regulated completely, he goes weekly to therapy, and to group sessions.-----

-----DV issue he is going to all classes and doing his reporting as required and also taking to his therapist about these issues also.-----

See...that's what I'm screamin' !!!  He recognizes there is a "problem" and is working to settle it.  He's doing everything in his power to make sure it isn't an "issue", or that the "issue" isn't a problem.  Right on.  So many people go through life not dealing with their issues.  He's "righting" the "wrongs" in his life.  Fabulouso!!

-----Your comment 3, wouldnt it be better to try for 50/50 with hopes that he will get at least eow?? Or should he not try for the 50/50?-----

For the "right now", I say don't try for 50/50.  It'll blow the "plan" that he's doing.  He's currently trying to "fix" all the issues.  If he goes for 50/50, he'll have to prove he can provide adequately 50% of the time.  I honestly don't think he's "ready".  Fix everything in his life, focus on the weekends with his child.  If he has the child half the time, that will take away from his therapy.  I know it stinks...but if he gets done what he needs to get done?  He can ALWAYS come back and modify the current order.  They aren't set in stone.

I'm one of those people who would prefer to hear someone admit they can't do it...rather than denying that...and ultimately end up screwing themselves.  

-----My grandson Mother is also receiving cash assistance, food stamps and medicare..so she is in same situation....she got section 8 housing because grandson has majority of time resided with her, or at least 50% of the time, until recently they had every other week, with no orders and it went well...until another person got involved.-----

ooooh....new dude!  Don't worry about new dude.  Worry about fixing old dude.  (lol...sorry, couldn't resist)  Unless new dude is a hardened criminal, or is putting the child "at risk", leave new dude alone.  

I'm tellin ya...have your son do what he has to do, and both he and the child have a better "chance" when he's done.  He needs to be in a MUCH better "position" before he goes for the throat.  

Dass maaaah 'pinion!







***Everyone gets burned. You can't go through life and not be burned. Some fires destroy us and some fires refine us. - rich mullins***

[Indigo Mom]

Always trying to piss in someones post toasties...this time, it be yours!!  lolol

The thing I like about message boards?  You get a bunch of people responding...and if you squish all the responses together...ya usually come up with the best case scenario.  Init kewl?


***Everyone gets burned. You can't go through life and not be burned. Some fires destroy us and some fires refine us. - rich mullins***

[Peanutsdad]

LOL, aint it so?

But,, back to the topic at hand,, Im sure there will be other posters to come ;)