I haven't cried since I was a kid

[MYSONSDAD]

Can you file in the county you lived in for a year and a half?

Even if your tapes can not be presented in court. It would help give your attorney a true insight on what is really going on.

Someone else on the board would know more about this, but I heard if you have a court stenographer type what is said in the phone conversation, it could be admissable. Get more feed back on that. I have never done it and I am in a different state.

You can also ask Soc on a lot of the issues you are facing. He is a true genius.

We have all been in limbo. Things seem bad right now. You just have to keep up the fight. Take one day at a time and make it productive. Every day make a goal and then accomplish it. There is a time tracker on this site that is free or the Optimal time tracker, but you will need to pay for access. Either one will give you a jump start.

If you have any joint accounts with her, get them closed!


"Children learn what they live"

[homewrecked]

Well, I could file up there, but the problem is, that's where she has all her connections.  In fact, believe it or not I have contacted EVERY single attorney in that area... and the one that I didn't contact is her instructor in her Adiministration of Justice classes!

Every other one in that area is either too busy with current cases or says they can't help me because my case is "too complicated".

Go figure.

That stenographer idea is a good thought but it sounds expensive.  I'll look into it.

A couple other people on here have mentioned this guy Soc.  I haven't heard from him yet.  Maybe someone can give me an idea on how to get him to check out my story and maybe reply.

Your comments and everyone else's have been greatly appreciated.  Please keep them coming if you happen to brainstorm any more ideas.

[MYSONSDAD]

Go the the main message board were you click on fathers issues. Scroll down. There you will find 'Dear Socrateaser'

Post some of your questions, but follow the format. He likes things in paragraphs and when you get to your questions, number them. Sometimes it takes a few days, but he will reply.

There is also a Shrink wrap and Divorce Strategy. They may also help give you some insight.

Good luck!

"Children learn what they live"

[MYSONSDAD]

Forgot to mention. Any paper work you have, get it out of your house or apartment. Let a family member hold things for you. Anything regarding your kids or bank statements, address book, anything that you feel may be related. They will come in handy later, but you DO NOT want her to get them.

When you are writing in your journal, address every paper 'for your attorney only'

[Indigo Mom]

I wish there was something I could do or say to make this better for ya.  This bites.  I've been reading all the posts and seems everyone else has given you excellent advice.

I do have one comment to make.

-----I'm not in the least bit concerned with the rape allegation. It is completely, obviously bogus-----

Buddy...you SHOULD be terribly concerned with this.  Look at it, man!  Rape?  Cripes!  That's not little...HUGE HUGE HUGE.  If she's anything like any of the other exes here, or mine...this could be the 1st of many.  

I thought the same thing when I was falsely accused of a felony.  No biggie...I didn't do it, I'll be let off, I won't serve 6 years in prison.   Well...guess what?  Even though the jury found me not guilty,  I still DID 6 years...it took me that long to get my son away from this monster.  Once a child is in someones care..it becomes status quo...something that's VERY hard to change.  

Lots of "parents" are vicious when it comes to custody and child support.  Things you think she'll never do?  Think again.  She's accused you of rape, meaning she wants you GONE!  Something tells me she ain't stopping here....

Good luck in everything you do...Good luck getting your children.  I'm sorry I don't have great things to offer you.....

[homewrecked]

She has moved out of our house with three months remaining on the lease, destroyed much of my stuff, emptied and closed our bank accounts, and went into hiding.  I have kept impecable records over the years, and she has all of them.

I really appreciate the thought though.

[homewrecked]

Just your support and encouragement along with everyone else's here have been invaluable to me.

You're right, there's nothing that this crazy woman isn't capable of.  The sad part is, it took me this long to figure that out.  What I meant was, there's no way any charges can possibly be filed.  The cops haven't even submitted anything to the District Attorney, because they KNOW it never happened.

Thanks again for your support.

[Indigo Mom]

-----I have a tape recorder on my phone line and caller ID, (the tape is illegal - screw it)-----

WHOA!!!!  I'm assuming it's illegal because your state is a "two party" state, meaning nothing recorded is admissable in court...am I right?

If so...record away!  I have SO MANY tapes of monster saying the most horrible awful terrible things.  I'm in a one party state, but the Judge still refused to hear them.  I have one tape of the little jerk saying he'll give me my child for my one week block in the summer (court ordered, mind you) if I give him 500 bucks in "party money" first...and if I don't, then I can go to f**king hell.  I've got him on tape threatening the life of my child...threatening to "take him out" while I have the pleasure of listening. (turns out my child wasn't even with him at the time) I have tape after tape of horrible shit.  Evil shit.  

The Judge flat out refused to listen to ANY recordings.....but a GAL would.  Keep that in mind.    A GAL won't "use" it in court, but could get a "feel" for that rotten bitch of an ex....

If no one ever hears them...fine.  But you may get a GAL who wants to hear what she's "really" like.

Sometimes ya gotta be a bit sneaky.

[homewrecked]

So far, she hasn't contacted me, but my tapes are waiting....

It's such a shame that there has to be those kinds of people sharing our air.

[combokid]

Don't beat up on yourself now. Now is definitely not the time. While it is true that you face an uphill battle, you could also use this crisis as an opportunity and go into it with gusto. It is empowering to educate yourself and to stand up for your rights and your children's rights.

You are definitely on the right track- just seeing all the responses to your posting shows that. SPARC is THE source for single fathers like you and I to learn about this strange, often terrifying world of custody fights and criminal complaints.

Years from now, the smoke will clear and you will have a new life- a life with your kids on a regular basis. People used to tell me that 2 years ago when I went through this ordeal and it came true.

A word on strategy: I found it helpful to analyze my situation, define the specific problems I faced, isolate them, and develope a game plan for each issue. Like you have the criminal complaint- that's a separate issue from the custody issue, which is also separate from the emotional issues you're facing over the betrayal and cruelty of your ex. Each issue holds a solution, or a series of outcomes, some better than others. I actually found myself drawing a chart with headings and subheadings, like an outline. I think it helps you to feel a certain manageability to what seems like an unmanageable situation. Read. Write. Join a support group. Join the SPARC chatroom. Rise to the occasion.