Hi, I'm new here

[Dad in Ca]

It went pretty good with the attorney today.
My wallet is considerably lighter, but I regained some of the piece of mind that has eluded me for the last year.

Basically what he said was that she didn't fill out the forms properly.  She didn't provide the financial information required. She didn't attach check stubs or tax returns.
She didn't provide supporting documentation for wanting to change the current order of 50/50 custody.
She named herself plaintif and named me respondant, when it is actually reversed, I filed for the original order, and since she is attempting to modify it, she remains the respondant?

Anyway, he says he can win this, he'll ask for attorney and court costs, guideline child support (she makes a little more than me), and for each party to be responsible for their own respective daycare costs.
She also sent someone to intimidate me and we have it witnessed and documented.

I truly love the girl to this very day, but she has made my life a living nightmare.  This was her attempt to finally destroy me, take my son and my paycheck.

[wendl]

Glad things went well with the atty, yep your wallet empties quickly.

Don't let your love for this girl get in the way, concentrate on your child.  If she loved you she wouldn't be making your life hell.

Keep us updated.

[georgeburns]

I dont know about Cal but in TX you can't really file for a modification for at least three years, unless there is some sort of endangerment to the child.  Does california have a similar law?

[Dad in Ca]

We went to court Last Monday on 21st

It went just as my lawyer said, she had not filed any documentation on why she wanted the modification.
The judge ruled against her motion imediately.
She tried to state her reasons for wanting the modification but the judge refused to hear it, stating she had not followed due process.
The judge ordered her to pay $500 of my attorney fees.
He said she may refile if she follows due process, she said that is her intention.

Her reasons were that the original judge had stated that he was only granting joint custody because we were attempting a reconciliation and that he wanted us back in court if it didn't work out.
She also said she wants 80/20 custody because she has babysat for me during my weeks while I was in class at school, therefore she had him more than the 50% specified in the order.
I had always allowed her to do so at her request.  I figured it was better for our son to be with his mom than a babysitter.  I didn't realize she was going to use this against me in court.

Now I have a dillema...
She is now demanding that I still allow her to watch our son while I go to class and to watch him while I am at work when the daycare is closed for vacation next month.
It is fully obvious that she plans to use this against me in court.  She says the court order states only she or I be allowed to watch our son, but it doesn't.
All it really says is that she and I alternate custody every other week.
She says if I do not allow her to pick him up from the daycare when I'm at school, she will go take him before I get there.

Do I relent and state this in court, or do I leave my son with a babysitter, which my be construed as changing his "routine"?

Any thoughts or advice?

Thanks!
Dad in CA

[wendl]

I would talk to your attorney about this and see what he has to say.

If the current court order doesn't specify who can and cannot watch the child or specify that each of you have 1st right of refusal, then during your time you can allow anyone fit to watch your child while you are in class.  Do you by any chance have any family member or friends that can watch your child during your time??


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[nosonew]

Although it apparently isn't in your court order, what she is wanting is called, First Right of Refusal, which means that in lieu of a non-relative (and some cases, a relative) that the other parent be given the option to watch the child when the other parent is unable to, via work/school, etc. However, this does work both ways.  If she is working when you are not, you should have the child.  Perhaps discuss this with your attorney... but without it in the c.o., she would be in contempt for interfering with parental custody.  Since she is taking him out of your possession (regardless of whether you are there or not) during your parenting time.

Also, if your child is taken to a daycare that is supplemented by state funds, ie grants, etc., they have forms they have to follow on who picks the child up.  And even WITH a c.o., the other parent is unable to pick up child without written permission from the parent enrolling the child. (I know, we went thru that, and we didn't enroll him).  So...that may be an option for you.  In our case, the bm had told the agency to call the police if we showed up without her written consent...and even with a c.o. stating we were to have him, they refused.  Due to: State Regulations.  

I personally feel a child is better off with either parent than a babysitter, but everyone's situation is different, and considering your court case, you should discuss this with your attorney and of course, for free advice, you should also ask Soc.  Good luck!

[Dad in Ca]

I have a friend of mine that wants to watch our son, free of charge.
She spends some time with him already, she brings her nephews over to play frequently.
To tell you the truth, I would rather have my ex watch him; she lives very close to the daycare, the logisitics would be much simpler, and he would be with his mother.

I just don't want my custody reduced as a result.
Is a judge likely to take away my joint custody if she watches him more than I do while I am at school?

I'll try to ask the attorney but he is somewhat abrupt with me when I ask advice.
Also he was only retained for the motion which he already defended, that's what he told the judge anyway.

Also...  at the end of the hearing, my attorney pointed out to the judge, my ex never legally responded to the original case she is trying to modify?  We went to court and we were granted joint custodies but it was never completed?
I don't get it.
But he said it was in the benefit of the mother to bring this case to fruition before some specific time elapses, at which time, her custody would be lost by default?
The judge agreed and told her she needed to do something in court quickly and I have no clue what they were talking about...

Thanks!

[vindigo]

I just had a temp parenting plan hearing last thursday and recieved tues nights and every other weeknend starting friday to monday. Every state is different and there is a 50/50 judge in My town in florida as well. Florida is becoming very father friendly.  All I know that it's how you do your home work and not the lawyer. It's the men that don't do there homework, loose in court.  I've been paying child support since my son was born and had him overnights since he was 2 months old. He is 17 months old now. I was always denied days and even was told fathers day was not my day. Even though i was never married and this is not an assumption. I kick butt without the judge.  Your lawyer should have at least  more then 10 years experience. I also belive in you get what you pay for.  They all know the laws, but not all of them are respected in the courts if you know what I mean. Lawyers are buisness men first, then attorneys.  I'm fighting for 50/50 cause I've been there and I'm a great dad too. And believe me, I write down everything she said to me or denied. I haven't had to use it yet. They don't care about the best parent! It's about the best interest of the child. And if both parents have done nothing seriously wrong?  Then it should be 50/50.

[joni]

sent you an email with info about your shared parenting arrangment that you can use in a motion.

with your educational background, I'd think you'd be a slam dunk to keep your current arrangement.

Watch your P's & Q's around this woman...assume that she's taping you on the phone and at exchanges....bite your lip when she pi$$e$ you off, you don't need her filing a restraining order against you and killing all your chances to keep your 50/50.

[gas]

Hey Dad in Ca,

Checking in to see how it went in court June 21
My 50/50 hearing now scheduled for mid-July

San Diego Dad