Done FINALLY......Peanut WON BIG!!

[Peanutsdad]

Tips:


1. The suggestions/articles/ and people here,, I read, listened and applied.

2. I had an advantage. Once I realized that my ex was going for the throat, and many other people here AND on other boards told me,, quit being nice. I stopped playing nice. I was as ruthless as I had to be in court. I played by her rules and all bets were off.

So on that aspect, remember that this is no longer a loved one. This is someone that wants to hurt you and doesnt care who gets hurt in the process. Fight back.

3. Dig deep. I knew as volatile as my ex was and the many problems she had with her ex,, something was somewhere. I invested in online resources, paid a PI to do a background check, checked the backgrounds of "associates". She had a background, the people she surrounded herself had backgrounds. I did not.


4. CARDINAL RULE!!!!!!!!!!  Never EVER lose your cool. Do NOT take the bait, do NOT raise your voice, do NOT appear angry or hateful in court. Do NOT ever respond to scenes caused in front of the kids. Dont even reply, simply accomplish what you are there to do and leave. Before this is over, you WILL either have a hellova poker face, or you'll fail in this tip.


5. Before you plunk your money down on a attorney....CHECK THEM OUT. Get references, call the Bar assoc. A decent attorney wont be offended,, afterall, they are "applying" for a job and you are plunking down some significant cash with them.


6. Remember,, that court, the judge and the attorneys... they have seen it all before. What seems like a big deal to you, is an everyday occurance to them. They have heard it all, seen it all, endured it all. It's likely they wont tolerate a lotta BS nitpicking. Stick to the issues. Make sure your case is supported by FACTS. ie; police documents, medical documents, testimony of experts. You testimony, your ex's testimony, mom and pop and all your sibs tramping thru the courtroom aint gonna make you friends with the judge. Be honest with the caseworker that does the homestudy. Dont disparage the other party,, simply say: I have concerns about this or that with my ex. That plays better than insisting your ex is a whoring dope dealing drunken piece of alleytrash.
Saying: I have concerns about my ex's mental stability,,, plays better than saying: That biotch is crazier than a shithouse rat.    Get the picture? ;)


7. Remember,, this is about what is best for the KIDS. IF it's best to have have both parents be equally involved, work for that. IF its best that one parent be monitored , work for that.  Work your case to the facts, not the feelings.

[gas]

PeanutsDad,

Congrats, that's great news for you and little Peanut.

I hope one day to read about similar victories for our kids but when it is a "level playing field", i.e., two great parents, good working relationship, NO skeletons/parenting issues.  Just a father wanting more time with his kids, plain and simple and Mommy doesn't want to lose any of her 70%.  That's my situation, and I have to go to court to hopefully get increased time from current 30/70 arrangement.  Two fantastic, well adjusted, happy/healthy boys 4 and 6 that I have made unreal sacrifices to be involved in their day to day lives.

It just seems the ONLY time 50/50 is granted is when (1) the Mother has some serious parenting issues and/or both parents agree to 50/50 without a court fight.  Neither of those is my case, simple case of two very capable, loving, devoted parents but a Mother that won't budge from status quo (70/30 Mom).  Our mediation was last week but only 35 minutes with Mom giving no ground and no real insight into where Mediator is headed with her recommendation to the court.

Hearing is coming up-Monday.  We'll find out how far Southern Cal. courts really have progressed in the recognition that equal time time with TWO great parents is in the children's  best interest.

[NJDad]

Dear Peanutsdad,


Congratulations!!

I've been following your postings for some time now. I am so very happy for you. This is great news and is really hitting home for me.

I will find out this Friday whether I will get residential custody of my kids. I have the same kind of Ex and, without my knowledge, the kids were interviewed by the Judge last week. This was at the behest of their mom during trial in May. I was against them going through that ordeal. The kids praised me and said nothing bad about me but the two older kids recanted stories of abuse by their mom and force manipulation, including being told what to say to the Judge. I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying.

I have been praying for your success as was many others on this site. You're a good friend to us and I am sure I can collectively say that we are all extremely happy for you!!


Best wishes,

NJDad

[Peanutsdad]

gas,


Your kind of case is probably the WORST one for a father to try and get a "level playing field".

Im the first to admit,, when all is equal between the parents,, dad loses big more often than not.

Here's another perspective,, if I was the one with my ex's history,, how long do you all think I would have been on SUPERVISED visitation? She however is not. She's ordered into therapy and to get anger management counceling.

My kind of case, while WORST for the kids,, is a father friendly lawyers wet dream.


Yes, I'll keep posting here, I'll keep digging, I'll keep contacting local dads with problems and help line them up with good legal counsel.


All the posting of advise and links,, I learned from Brent. He's the REAL trooper here.

[gas]

PD,

Agreed. That's the irony when I stand back and look at the big picture-
would I rather have more time but with a pathetic Mommy or less time with two good parents

I'll take the latter every time hands down.  Kids win in that case, they lose big time in the former.

Gas

[Peanutsdad]

Gas,


I have to agree completely. If I had my choice,, it would have been two caring parents.

[SadStepMom]

Congratulations and all the best to you!

[tjraid18]

   I'm really glad to hear about the great news PD. I'ts a great triumph for a good dad on the right side. congrads!!!

[richiejay]

>I hope one day to read about similar victories for our kids
>but when it is a "level playing field", i.e., two great
>parents, good working relationship, NO skeletons/parenting
>issues.  Just a father wanting more time with his kids, plain
>and simple and Mommy doesn't want to lose any of her 70%.


I guess I would have been considered one on the "level playing field". All I wanted was to spend more time with my son (ex and I separated when he was 1 y.o).  So I tracked all the time...it was about 50/50...I was paying support.  Then she decides she wants to leave the state for a new job. (about same pay as former job)..make a long story short, I got joint physical until it was time for him to go to kindergarten and then we did the whole thing all over again....I came down to "what do you do when you have two good parents?(my definition of her being good was slightly different from the courts, however).  Ultimately, because my whole family was here and I was soooo emotional on the stand that I won (my son was the real winner).  

>That's my situation, and I have to go to court to hopefully
>get increased time from current 30/70 arrangement.  Two
>fantastic, well adjusted, happy/healthy boys 4 and 6 that I
>have made unreal sacrifices to be involved in their day to day
>lives.
>
>It just seems the ONLY time 50/50 is granted is when (1) the
>Mother has some serious parenting issues and/or both parents
>agree to 50/50 without a court fight.  Neither of those is my
>case, simple case of two very capable, loving, devoted parents
>but a Mother that won't budge from status quo (70/30 Mom).

You just have to keep plugging away..and if it's not this year, it could be when they are in their early teens and want more time with you.  Cherish every moment...and always re-evaluate what is best for them (because it does change over time).  I wish you luck, my friend.
>

[richiejay]

Congrats....it is a wonderful feeling.  Hopefully BM won't pull the same shit mine did after she lost....be prepared for that.  If not, then you are way ahead of the game...