URGENT! NCP threatening not to return child! HELP!

[Wi-Mom]

I need help urgently. DH drove his 15 y/o son 1/2 way (2 1/2 hours) to visit his mother for the weekend. She hasn't seen him since July. (Her choice) She has called and said that their son doesn't want to go home and she is saying she may not bring him to their meeting spot on Sunday.

We have primary placement of him legally. What can we say/do to make sure she meets DH on Sunday? We need to tell her legally what we can do.. but we don't really know! Please HELP!!! Thanks!

[Skooter95]

Sounds like if you have primary custody and you have legal documents stating that, then she will be in contempt of court.  Was this her scheduled time with her son or was this just something that both of you agreed on?  I'm not sure what the law is in your state, but in some states you can call law enforcement and have them make her hand over the child.  That is something that I don't think should be done unless absolutely necessary due to it being emotionally hard on the child.
I am not an attorney so hopefully someone else will have some advice for you.  

[Wi-Mom]

Visitation is open.. the parents agree on when they want to meet. NCP Mom just hasn't asked to meet and a couple of times cancelled the meetings.  There is no visitation issue. She has been militantly trying to talk their son into moving back with her ever since June of last year. He hasn't given in.. but she's almost convinced him a couple of times. He is absolutely a victim of PAS and it's been making our lives hell as she does more damage with every phone call. Now she's just decided he's staying with her and that's final. She told DH that it is their son's wish and he should have a say so.

Their son has school on Monday.. so we cannot accept her not returning him on Sunday.  Her son's wish or not... living with her is not in his best interest and is not something we will consider. Our Stipulation and Order is signed by both parents and the judge who all agreed that it was in his best interest to live with his father. She's trying to lure him away with promises she can't keep... and she's doing a good job.

[Wi-Mom]

She broke off their conversation saying she'd call him back after dinner. He waited and hour and a half.. she didn't call.. so he's called and called both home phone and cell and she's not answering so he can talk to their son and her and try to talk this out... now what?

[Sunshine1]

You need to get ready to travel to where they are at.  She is obviously not going to bring him back if she not answering now.  We are in MN and you should look up kidnapping laws in your state.  They apply when a parent intentionally does not bring back a child after parenting time.  We had to do this, and she brought them back real quick.  

I would call and tell her or leave a message that you just got off the phone with the (name of the County) Sheriff, and they have received a fax of our stipulation agreement and if you are not at the meeting spot as agreed upon, it is considering kidnappping and they will be prepared to find you and arrest you when I call them from my cell if you are not there.

If you would like to obtain physical placement of our son, you will have to do it the legal way.  You can not take it upon yourself to change a court order.

If she is not there go to where she is at and bring the Sheriff with you to help keep the peace of picking up your son, as you are the CP.

Of course if she does not scare easily, this message won't work. Sometimes you need to be sneaky.  I have done this and it worked.  It specifically says in the kidnapping laws that a NCP can't, not return the child intentionally or it is considered kidnapping.  

Keep us updated. I am sorry this has happened.   ( ps.  I would do leave this message tomorrow, so she doesn't have time to look it up on the internet. :)  my 2 cents. I hope this helped a little.

[Stepmomnow]

Did he come home???

[Wi-Mom]

I posted the event on another board.. but I'll paste it here as well. I know we held all the cards legally, but she was holding all the cards when it came to the kids emotionally.  Here is my post from the General board..
...................................................................................
My DH has had placement of his 15 y/o son for a year. He came at the end of summer 2003 and we enrolled him in school. For the first time in his life he passed a grade without having to take summer school.

DH took him off of the ADHD meds he'd been on and simply exercised some discipline. His BM had him on Aderol because he would get up and walk around the classroom, ditch school, forget to bring home his homework.. etc. We noticed that at restaurants he would be up wandering around.. and ya know? We made him stay in his seat!! (mean Dad!) and at school.. he started to learn to stay in his seat! Wow!

When he came.. at the age of 14.. he belted his pants BELOW his rear end.. because he thought it looked cool. His mother couldn't get him to stop. It took his father, me, my kids, his friends, all of us constantly getting after him about 6 months but golly.. the kid wears his pants around his waist now.

BM decided DH was not listening to his sensitive side.. and wasn't allowing him to be himself. Before the school year ended.. she started calling him begging him to move back home. We would hear him saying, "no Mom.. I want to stay with Dad.. " Every phone call. She denied to DH that she was trying to get him back.. but she even called him and said she'd registered him at school where she lived.

During the summer, DH and SS had a choice of which high school to send him to. They went to several, and both really liked the Military Academy in town. DH was in the Army, and thought the adademy would really help his son with organization and mental discipline. SS went to a social.. loved it.. and we signed him up. BM mother was OUTRAGED!!! From that moment on she started making our lives a living hell. She called her son whenever we weren't home and told him what a terrible father DH was... and night after night DH would spend hours dispelling the lies and accusations. Every few days there were new ones. His whole life story told by his son.. skewed. It was surreal.

I don't know what happened.. but after two days of school at the Academy, September 7th to be exact.. BM called SS after school when DH was not home as usual. It seems as if she dialed a code in the phone and he was instantly brainwashed. He wanted to go back to his mother. He was adamant. Night and Day difference.. unwavering. The only thing we know she said was that she had a basketball hoop for him. (we don't have one anymore-he broke it.) I can't imagine that he is that shallow.. but he kept saying that was the reason. He also said that he hated his school.. and that he told his mother that. That was new too.

But every day after school all he would talk about was his school day. He sounded like he was having a blast.. I even said to him.. "I think that you have found that you actually love your school.. but you can't admit it now that you told your mother you hated it." His reply, "Well.. I don't like the uniforms." They hadn't even gotten their uniforms yet. We told him that we felt it was in his best interest to stay where he was.

So this Saturday.. DH drove SS to meet his mother 1/2 way (2 1/2 hour drive) for a visit. The first one since July. She hadn't even asked to see him since then. They were to meet again in the same spot Sunday 6pm for pickup.

3pm DH got a call from BM.. Our son doesn't want to go back.. and I'm not going to make him do anything he doesn't want to do. He said he hates his school and you wouldn't listen to him." An argument followed of course.. and DH talked to his son who just kept saying, "Dad, I'll be better up here.. I want to stay here.."

DH called BM on Sunday 10am and asked her if she was going to be at the meeting place at 6pm. She said, NO! So he said, "Very well, I will fax a copy of our stipulation & order to the Sheriff and I will be there to get my son. If you try to stop me you will be arrested for kidnapping." He called on his cell phone because we were at church. When we got home from church, there was a voice mail on the house phone from SS. "Dad, Don't do this to Mom. I want to stay. Please don't have her arrested. She didn't do anything wrong."

He called back and explained the wrong doing.. and all his son did was yell.. "But I want to stay with Mom!" interrupting his father. BM took the phone and said, "I will fight you with everything I have.. and you will never win because I will make sure he HATES you!" At that point.. his daughter (and BM's two other little girls - not his but they all call him Dad, and come down for every holiday and summer and we love them) started yelling at DH in the phone.. as if he were some sort of a monster.

I could hear them.. and I started to cry. DH hung up the phone.. and I said, "What good can possibly come of this? She has turned them all against you already.. and if we have her arrested they will hate you even more. If we get your son back.. like this.. how can we ever restore what has happened? And how many more times will it happen?" We went for a long walk.. then drove around.. crying.. trying to sort out what to do.. and then DH called his son and said goodbye. She won.. and everyone else lost. Their son and daughter, her kids.. their grandparents.. No one will ever be the same. Except her. She will never be sorry.. nor change. She's the monster.

I can't even begin to imagine how to forgive her. Of course it has only been a day.. but I know how you feel.. I'm so tired of being angry all the time.. and having her son.. has been a nightmare because she never gave DH a chance to be his father.

[Stepmomnow]

I'm so sorry.  What are you going to do now?  Do you have to go to court to set up visitation, or is there something in place?  I can't imagine how your DH will face his son after this much hurt.

[MYSONSDAD]

Love is stronger then the hurt. The day will come when all of what is happening, will come to light. When that young man grows up, he will understand better. And he will understand the pain of his father. He will see that his father tried to do best by him.

When I was growing up, everything my parents tried to teach me, rolled off my back. Sometimes it is just a matter of maturing and growing up, getting out in the world, that makes you see the choices parents make. You see the mistakes and understand the love.

I fell your pain. It devastes the entire family unit. There will come a day...

[Wi-Mom]

Thank you both for your supportive thoughts and words. This morning I watched my husband sit on the edge of the bed.. at the time he was supposed to be waking his son up for school and saying, "I can't believe he's gone."

I went to work.. fighting back the tears.. not very well. DH called in. He spent the day taking SS's uniforms and school books back to the academy. He explained to his teachers what happened.. and started to cry (this man rarely cries) when he looked over and saw his son's new best friend he met the first week of school. They've spent time together almost every day afterward.. and SS kept coming home from school saying he'd had a great day! We're reeling at the sudden change and wondering what the heck she promised him or said to him to get him to turn so suddenly.

She did inform DH last week that she's been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and would be quitting her job soon and going on disability. Since he still pays her an offset amount for their daughter (they each have a child of theirs and she's got two girls from.. well.. sleeping around (the oldest is in a foster home) DH was bracing for an increase in the offset. Perhaps she told SS that she needed him there to take care of them or something. She SWEARS she didn't but that CAN'T be true.

Time is what we need now.. but I really do believe.. as much as she was calling and pressuring him since June.. that he's at least no longer caught in the middle... starting today. I could see it was taking a toll on him.