Christmas

[lookinnomore]

He is the custodial parent with no SET visitation.  They have always done every other weekend.  He is in the middle of a custody battle.  Christmas falls on her weekend.  They have always split Christmas morning with the boys waking up with us and then going to moms at about noon or so...... its never been her weekend.

Question:

Will it look badly on him in court if he continues in the same fashion as they have always done?   They wake up here, go to moms on Saturday at noonish...... He is willing to let her keep them longer than her normal return on Sunday night.

Have been through the social service home study and report is to be made December 18.  Social services told us when we left they saw no reason to move the boys.  Still have to jump the hoop for GAL, she doesn't want to see them till a week before court.

Question 2:

Do you believe what the home study lady said at the interview "I see no reason to move the boys, maybe mom just needs more visits"? (which she never asks for)  Or do they just say what they think you want to hear which for the record we NEVER asked what she thought.

Thanks!

[hagatha]

Is there a reason the children can't wake at mom's on Christmas?? Or is it you guys feel they should be with you??

Just because that was the way it Had been done, doesn't mean it must continue exactly that way. Switching where they wake every year is the best compromise.

Give mom christmas morning and you take the rest of the day.


The Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!

[kitten]

I think it's good that the kids have a routine and know what to expect.  Obviously if mom makes a big deal about wanting Xmas morning this year, I would not argue it.  But if everyone is happy with the same arrangement, I would think that would make both parents look good because they are succesfully co-parenting.  Especially the holiday that ALL kids look forward to.  

[T0052SC]

Since we are on the subject of christmas I have a similar question.  There has only been a temp order of a 50/50 custody right now.  Christmas eve, christmas day, the day after, and the next day all fall under my custody time with the kids.  I know the STBX has not figured this out yet but I don't know what to do.  There is a side of me that says this is my time with the kids and I know the kids don't like going to the STBX because the STBX doesa not spend time with them so why should I attemp a compromise.  There is another side that questions how this will look to the court if I stay with the current custody araingment and not swap time with the STBX.

If I don't swap time with the STBX will this have an impact in the final hearing?

Any recomendations on how I should handle the holidays?

[joni]

usually holidays supercede regular visitations.  since you're in a temp situation, it may backfire on you if you don't share the holiday.  wait to see what mom says about Xmas, let her initiate it.

[joni]

I would be devastated if we didn't have my SD every other Christmas.  Part of custody evaluations are the ability of one parent to nuture the relationship with another parent.

as I said in the other post, holidays generally supercede the regular visitation schedule, with no makeup.  if mom asks for a turn to have the boys wake up with her, I think she's entitled.  I don't think it's a valid reason to say, well...the boys have always woken up with us.  It seems rather selfish and remember, you are under the microscope with this custody battle.  It's not going to screw the kids up to wake up with the mother for Christmas!

Wait to see what mom says first, maybe she'll want to keep it like it's always been.  Sounds like you're in a great position for custody, don't get too greedy.

JMHO

[lookinnomore]

 
Thanks for all the advice!

 I guess I knew deep down that the RIGHT thing to do is let her have the holiday.  As much as I do want the boys with US on Christmas, I know she is their mother and just wants the same thing we do.  We have had them for the last 3 years, so..... OK... I know your right.

Although she hasn't even approached the subject, I know she assumes they will be at her house........so.......

Thanks again!  Wish us luck the 18th of December!

[MixedBag]

The advice given was to flip positions and let mom have the kids wake up and THEN bring them over -- so you can still have Christmas with them, it's just in the afternoon.

I got a chuckle out of my son this past weekend.  He said that his dad was concerned about WHEN they were going to have their family Christmas this year because they ALWAYS have a family Christmas even in the years he's here on that day.

I said "Now think about this for a minute, you get to spend Christmas with your dad every year, even if he just "moves the day" because you're coming here.  And we get to spend Christmas only every other year?  Who really get the short end of the stick?  You and me."

Son agreed and understood.

SHARE!  Just change the order in which everything happens.  And if it's her weekend, just ask to have the kids come over for a few hours (like from 1-7 or so...)

[cathy]

When PBFH had custody, my husband agreed to having the second half of Christmas vacation.  He wanted the kids to be able to wake up in their home (and yes, our home was their home too - but you know what I mean!) on Christmas morning.  Also, they had a younger sister.

So while it would have been nice to share xmas morning with the kids, we did what we felt was better for the kids

Of course, we have never been big on "the day" anyway.  For several years, we did Thanksgiving on Saturday because my mom was a nurse in a doctor's office and had to work on Friday.  It just didn't make sense for them to drive 2 hours to have dinner on Thursday - and have to turn around and drive 2 hours back.  We just had "Thanksgiving" on Saturday.

[backwardsbike]

I have been involved in a very painful and contentious custody situation for the last six years.  I would like to share the most important piece of knowledge that I have gained.  That is Be Flexible.  Make it your mantra.

You will  learn that you can eat Thanksgiving Dinner on a Saturday and it is still Thanksgiving.  You can celebrate Easter on a Saturday.  No you can't go to Easter church services but you can find may ways to pass along to your children the importance and meaning of the holidays.  The key seems to be having certian traditions that you can do every year no matter when you get the holiday.

This mind set has been very helpful for us but it took some getting used to.  I have learned to treasure each and every moment I get to spend with my kids and the times we get to be together as a family.  Since I have two more younger children with my DH I am working on helping the" littles"learn to cope with holidays without their "bigs".  Sometimes it is heartbreaking when they miss the bigs and cry for them.  But we continue to adapt and to change and to be flexible.

If I were you I would take the advice and split the holiday.  Since you have gotten to have the kids for the last three Christmas mornings I would defintely give that to BM this year.  

Good luck and Merry Christmas