Custodial Parent's right to say "No" to Non-Custodial Parent

[evANGEL]

I'm new to this sight; forgive me if this is long. I need help with my current situation. I am the custodial parent, Mother, of my 5-year-old Son. My son lives with me & my new husband full time due to my son's father moving out of state since August. He also has refused to pay child support since June of this year. He has only visited my son once in the last 4 months for one week at my suggestion while my new husband & I took our 5-day honeymoon.

Now, my son's father, who I'll now refer to as the NCP, wants to come back to visit for his allowed days, T-W-Th, take my son to Epcot - which means taking him out of his school (private pre-school that I pay for). The NCP was given my son's days off for the holidays & told me he was going to make arrangements for Epcot during this time. Now, it has changed to Jan. 4-6. I refuse to let my son miss school when he just had his Holiday Vacation. Does anyone know if I have the right to say "No" to these plans?

[wendl]

Personally speaking as a mom and a stepmom.

Is dad thinking of taking your son during his court ordered visistation??? If so he can depending on what the current court orders say.

Come on now it's preschool, it won't hurt the child to miss a few days to be able to spend it with his father.  I took my son out of school for 2 days (and he is in middle school so he would miss a lot more than a preschooler) so he could go see his father over the holidiays.

Sometimes we as parents need to think of how the NCP feels, many get reduced to visitors in their childrens life and that isn't fair to the children whom love them no matter what we may think of our ex's.
 
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Stepmom0418]

I am also a mom and a stepmom so I can see both sides to this.

I agree with the other post. It is only preschool and that is his father. A child deserves a relationship with both parents. Also child support has NOTHING to do with the child and the father having a relationship. It is your responsibility as a mother to support your child in having  a relationship with the father.

You said:

Now, my son's father, who I'll now refer to as the NCP, wants to come back to visit for his allowed days, T-W-Th, take my son to Epcot - which means taking him out of his school (private pre-school that I pay for).

Question:
1) What else would you refer to him as other than the NCP? That is what he is a parent even if you do have your own issues with him you dont need to involve your child in those issues.

2)What does you paying for the cost of the private daycare have to do with the child going on this visitation?

What I seen in this post was alot of emotion felt by you that is going to interfere with the childs relationship with his father and it is very disturbing to me and I am sure many others here.

[evANGEL]

Thank you for your responses. I will answer your questions & concerns.
1) I simply meant in my post that I will refer to him as the NCP instead of writing "my son's father". That's it.

2) I added that I pay for the pre-school costs because I feel that this aids in his decision because he doesn't have the same responsibilities that I have & he should.

Take into consideration that by one post that I made, you don't know me or my whole situation. It's unfair to judge based on a few comments that were taken the wrong way. I was simply looking for an answer & opinions.

My son is also a special needs child, having epilepsy. This makes it even more important to have a schedule. I'm trying to teach my child the importance of routine & discipline. Why is the NCP being excused for not also trying to teach his son such structure? Sure, I agree it's important to have relationships with both parents. I encourage my son to take the phone calls & explain to him it's OK to love us both & to never feel guilty.

I think everyone in this situation finds it hard to avoid emotions of all kinds. I do step back & try to see what is best for my son.

I don't think it's fair that the NCP has decided to not take advantage of his time agreed between the 2 of us & by the court order of T-W-TH & then expects to just drop-in when he feels it's best for him. What about my son's wants & needs? He doesn't understand this. So, as his Mother I want to protect him from being hurt.

There is a lot more to my story that I could go on about. I'd appreciate other responses to my first question in order to help me.
Thank you.

[rey]

You have the right to say "no" to any requests from the NCP for time that isn't specifically granted in the custody & visitation order.

If you're like me, it probably helps you to know (really know) what your rights are under the law...and being in the power position (as you probably are in this case) is a *big* bonus. And you will also no doubt realize that laws are clunky tools at best for mediating emotions and relationships.

So yes, you do have the right to say "no" to any requests from the NCP for time that isn't specifically granted in the custody & visitation order, but that does not (necessarily) mean that denying such a request is "right." You are probably still pretty angry at your ex (for whatever reason(s))...if there are not safety/endangerment issues (e.g. your ex drives drunk regulalrly etc.), I would suggest letting your child have the time with his father. If you think you're too close to/angry about the situation to make a fair decision, ask the advice of a close friend (someone close enough to know your situation, but 'far' enough that they aren't emotionally invested in it).

Good luck. It sucks to be in that hostile-ex-partners state...sucks even more when you're trying to navigate what's 'fair' in regards to the child. :(

[evANGEL]

Thank you for your response, as well. I do just want to clarify one point: I'm not trying to say "No" to the whole visit, I'm trying to have the right to say "No" to missing school. I'd rather the trip was done on a non-shool day. Better yet, should have been done while on the Holiday Break. That's all. I'm not in anyway trying to prohibit my son from visiting his father.

[wendl]

EvAngel,

I will explain my situation, my son is 12 he rarely sees his father, his dads choice. He pops in and out when he so chooses, he rarely pays child support and has never paid for medical or daycare, I have supported our son 98% financially and emotionally.

My son also has a form of epilepsy and is on medication for it, but in no way would this make any difference in regards to my ex's visitation. Kids schedules are broken all the time as well as adults, we learn to adapt to our given circumstances for the sake of our children.


Unfortunately you cannot control how your ex behaves, you need to do the best with the hand you were dealt. We cannot control when our ex's decide to come see our kids, sometimes their may be other reasons for them not seeing the kids, I know why my ex doesn't see his son, but hey it's his choice.

I have always been honest with my son, and when he ever asked why his dad didn't show, I simply said "I don't know you will need to ask dad" of course dad always gave bs excuses but that is out of my control. When my son was little and asked why his dad didn't love him, I reply that everyone shows loves and caring differently and that I am sure his father loves him in his own way.

By being open with my son and in trying to help my ex have a relationship with his father (even though he doesn't) it has brought my son and I closer.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Darryl]

Sounds to me, from your post, that he is wanting his son on his actual court-ordered days. You can say "no" but you will be in contempt of the court. You would be the one 'not following' a 'court-ordered' parenting plan.

I have an 'ex' that has absolutely no regard for the parenting plan. She has even went so far to state "I don't care what the judge said, if you want to see your daughter you will do it my way." At some point I gave up and went away, too broke to fight anymore and endure 'the emotional games". My daughter has suffered and I have suffered. But 'mommy' won.  Could I keep fighting back, you bet. Can I afford to, no way. It was a losing battle. It takes many acts of contempt on your part before you would ever be punished or lose your child.

Dad is at your mercy somewhat. Go ahead and be unreasonable. Force Dad out of your childs life willfully. You'll be the queen.........Until your child grows up and realizes the TRUE story. Then maybe he will resent you for it. What goes around comes around!!

It's all about POWER AND CONTROL, isn't that the REAL issue? You'll show him who is in charge won't you?????????

[evANGEL]

Holy crap, I'm not your ex-wife!

[evANGEL]

Wendl,
I appreciate your honest opinion & answers. I know that this is on the NCP days, so I probably can't do anything about it. I am trying to do what is in the best interest of my child & that is school, rules, etc. I'm NOT trying to keep him from his father!!!!!
Thanks!