This is a cry for help

[connor_alana_daddy]

Hello, I have been married for 5 years on the 15th of this month and 3 weeks ago my wife confronted me with the news that she has a boyfriend on the side.  I was angry but went to work only to break down and be sent home.  I asked her for a divorce, because I have forgiven 2 other infidelity incidents, and I simply cannot do that anymore.  well she moved out, left the kids and everything except her personal belongings.  she obtained a efficency apartment.  We had an agreement (verbal) that I would be Primary Costodial Parent.     She had descided to use an online divorce website where they fill out the paperwork for you for $150.00  I had told her countless times I didnt think it was a good idea and I thought I should obtain legal councel, to which she replied that the only reason I would need a lawyer is if I was trying to get something by her.   So I went out on a limb and dropped my lawyer, put the full $150.00 up front with the agreement she would pay half when she got paid, and the full amount if it was not a legal document or the website was a scam site.  Well the next day she descided she didnt want me to have full custody she wanted shared custody,  I still being in love with her think that this may be best for the kids.  So I agree...
The Divorce paper gets her and I remind her that if we werent using it that she had agreed to pay for it...needless to say   she stuck me with that bill...
anyway today she went to her own lawyer paid for by her mom and tells me Arkansas dosent do Split Custody and she was gonna take the kids.
I have NO desire to keep her from her kids, this wouldnt benefit the kids at all.  However she now is saying that she thinks I wouldnt make a fit parent, her mom is bullying me to not fight for the kids, and my biggest fear is that I am about to loose my kids. She works at a fast food restraunt making just over minimum wage even as a "Shift Manager" (her boyfriend is a 20 Yr old kid that works there too,lives at home with his momma, she was giving him rides home after working the night shift,  I had no idea)
ok that is my story   here is my cry for help
what rights if any do i have in a situation like this, i have had sole custody for 3 weeks while she has been away.
I have extremely limited funds, are there any groups that help dads attempt to win custody of thier kids?  monitary help?  know of lawyers that do Probono work?   how to find this information out?      this is 1st time to attempt a divorce/custody   im frightened and overwhelmed, yet very determined to get help.  I dont know if i can do this alone. any information would be appreciated    thanks

[wendl]

Has any paperwork been filed with the courts yet???

IF NOT FILE 1ST, do not leave the maritial home. Keep the kids in the marital home and with you the longer they reside with you, the better the chances.

Most court websites home the divorce forms, cs forms, and parenting plans you can download with directions. Usually there is filing fee for the papers.

Usually you complete the forms, file them, have mom served and show for court. Ask for the Stars and settle in the middle.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[connor_alana_daddy]

nothing has been filed yet, I cannot afford anything yet,   i am about to go take a loan against my car i think from one of those little "rip you off" places just to get the money...I think I will do that Tomorow.
Does filing 1st really mean anything?
thanks for responding.

[wendl]

Usually when you file the kids will remain with you until the hearing. yes it usually helps.

With no court order no one has custody, mom could pick them up and run or not return them and then you would have a harder time, the longer you have the kids in your care the better.

You can file the paperwork and always hire an attorney later.

What state/county do you live in, I will try to find the papers you will need to file.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[connor_alana_daddy]

I live in Arkansas, Benton County
I would like to thank you so much for your assistance in my time of need.
You are a saint.

[wendl]

Your state website sucks.

Here is one link
http://courts.state.ar.us/courts/aoc_forms.html

This one is a little better:
http://courts.state.ar.us/rules/index.html

I would make a trip down to the clerk of the court and request the packet for divorce, parenting plan and cs. Usually will cost a fee for these.

Hopefully someone else here can help me find better links for you.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[connor_alana_daddy]

this website seems diffacult to navigate, I will attempt to continue to find what im looking for.  I have a question...I had a trip planned for 4 days to Houston  to visit some people I havent seen since my wedding, I preplanned Child Care with her mother, before this all happened, I am to leave tomorow.  The children are already at the grandmothers since about 2PM today.  Should this trip be canceled.  There is no possibility of re-scheduling due to my work schedule.  The trip would be a good vacation from the daily grief I am going through, however due to the fact her mother got her a lawyer today, her mom has the kids, I fear that her lawyer may have told her she needs to file immediately as to beat me to the punch.  This may just be a fear, it may be the truth, I have no idea.   Should the trip be canceled alltogether, or should I go along with my plans and attempt to have a calming weekend with people I know?

[MYSONSDAD]

You stay in that home, you keep the kids, file for custody. She could be looked on as abandonment of those children. I would start looking fast for a Family Law attorney pronto. Your kids are worth the fight. The first consultation is usually free and you can pick up alot of useful advice.

The worst mistake I made, was not keeping our son in the home. She took off with him and hid him for 3 months.

So you still love her. But you have two other responsibilities more important.

At this point, I would not allow any visition until you get in the court room. She might just grab them and take off.

1. TGB's Newsletter - Tips For Getting Started
TGB's Newsletter ''Tips For Getting Started'' TGB's Newsletter ''Tips For Getting Started'' Articles related to this topic: Steps To Protect Yourself During Divorce Success Factors In Obtaining...
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm - size 8kb - 25 Oct 2003

2. Tips On Keeping Documentation
Here are some tips that a user of the SPARC site was kind enough to share with us. These are some great ideas and advice, the kind that only come through experience.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips1.htm - size 13kb - 20 Oct 2003

How old are the kids? Document all that is going on and especially that you have been the caregiver. Do not allow anyone with those children, unless you can trust that person with your life.

Wendl is correct.

"Children learn what they live"

[wendl]

I sent you an email as to why I wouldn't.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MYSONSDAD]

Those friends will be there later, but your kids won't. I would pick those kids up first thing in the morning. Make up some excuse, something came up out of your control.

Get them back in your house and leave them there. If mommy or granny want to visit, have someone with you and DO NOT allow them to leave with the children.

"Children learn what they live"