Relinquishment of Parental Rights

[kathy]

I have a 14 year old step-daughter whom we will be going to court to petition for child custody. Her bio-mom has numerous arrests for spousal abuse and the last one was for cultivating marijuana at home. My daughter (step) has always stated she would like to live with us. In 1998 (she was 8) she told us that her mother would hit her alot with the belt, hanger and with a plastic spoon used for cooking, we went to court and my daughter and her other brother, who is 12 now had told the social working that she would hit them in that manner. When the children were checked they found no evidence then. Anyways, the judge told us we had to let her go back home. (she lived with us for about 3 months) Her brother who is 12 yrs old attempted suicide about 8 months ago and was sent to a health center for a few days. My daughter confided in my husband and I that she too had thought of suicide and handed us a poem she wrote. Then on January 2004 she mother was arrested due to her son taking a marijuana leaf to school. My daughter then came to us and asked that she can not handle being there. They live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 4 adults and 4 children including my daughter (sorry - step) Her mother was served this weekend, well yesterday my daughter told us that her mother had told her she would relinquish her rights away and would get a restraining order against my daughter not to see or get near her other 3 siblings. My question is Can she do that? We are not asking for her to give up her rights only to allow her to live with us and be happy. We even stated on the declaration that we will not request child support. What can we do to continue the relationship of her siblings? We live in California.

Thanks

[kiddosmom]

Your DH is paying cs now right? This is a common threat that a mother tells her children when they want to live with the father. Unfortunatly, if she does give up parental rights sd will not be able to see siblings without her mothers permission unless they go to the same school. The plus is that she will be out of that environment,, YOU and DH have to look at that situation and do what is in the childs best intrest. Leaving her in that kind of environment just so she can be close to the others is not in her best intrest. The father(S) of the other children need to try to get custody of them.

If the children are all your DH and pbfh's then you need to petition for custody of all not just the girl.

[kathy]

Yes, he has been paying. My husband only my sd w/ her. The other children are her husbands. They both were tested for drugs and came out positive. I know it's in my sd best interest to be w/ us but we did want her to continue her relationship w/ her siblings since they are close.

Thanks for your response kiddosmom :)

[kiddosmom]

I hope things go well for you!
I feel sorry for your sd having to miss out because of a pbfh.

[nosonew]

I don't think she can relinquish her parental rights without it going to court, in which case, everything can be brought out in the open about what is going on.  I suggest you take her to a counselor asap, so you have a 3rd party to testify on her behalf.  

Also, the courts don't take kindly to threats and intimidation if you can prove it, good luck.  I would take her sorry ass to court!  (First, if she is stupid enough, have her sign an agreement that she will terminate her rights, but HER stipulation is taking away the child's rights to her other siblings) USE that against her in court! (Get it notarized).

[VeronicaGia]

She cannot just give up her parental rights.  The state of CA will not allow it.  However, at 14, the child can testify as to where she wants to live and why.  Why she wants to live with you is a good reason, in other words, if she just didn't like following the rules it wouldn't fly.  A judge will still make the decision, but if the 14 year old is HONEST and doesn't embellish, a judge hopefully would see it is in her best interest.  Then, if your husband gets custody, he will immediately file for a child support modification making her pay him.

She thinks CA will let her just terminate her rights?  She's nuts!  Even if they let her terminate her rights, her obligation to support the child will not go away.

Get a lawyer, file for a custody change.  Be careful of telling the 14 year old because she may tip mom off, and therefore, piss her off.  Mom will lay a guilt trip on her to stay, or do what she's doing, threaten to never let her see her 1/2 siblings again.  This will need to be addressed in the modification also if a judge will allow it.

[kathy]

Thanks, I will look into it.

As far as child support the biomom does not work. (has never worked) how would that work? I filed for a modification of custody already and we have a reconciliation court date for next month. I would like to get a hold of the biomom's utilities to show that they have been turned off for a couple of days. (gas & light) I tried calling the companies directly and they said I had to have a court subpoena in order to get any records. I would like to get the child abuse from the department of children services. Does anyone know what I can do?

[Indigo Mom]

You're saying that a person can have their rights terminated...but they still have to support the child?  I don't understand!  Once you have no rights, you're no longer a parent, right?  If you're not a parent to the child, why do you still have the obligation to support him/her?  That's about wrong, isn't it???  That makes no sense!!!!

[StPaulieGirl]

I think along with termination of parental rights, the step parent would have to also adopt the child.  I'm not 100% sure though.  A lot of this stuff makes no sense.

[janM]

Indy...think about it...
If all you had to do to get out of paying child support was to terminate your rights, there would be a flood of folks to the courthouses and a whole lot of kids without the other parent in their lives.

From the states' point of view...someone has to support the kids rather than the state...just watch your taxes rise...and then there's the money they get for support collected.

I do see your point. I don't know if that's the case everywhere. And it's different if a step parent adopts, of course. Then that person is supporting the child.

Terminating would eliminate the RIGHTS...but not the OBLIGATION.