Question

[gemini3]

I think it's unlikely that you will be able to stop the move away because of the scenarios that momoftwo has already pointed out.  I understand that you want to be a part of your children's lives and raising them, and I think that is the best thing for your children.

As you moved forward, you might consider whether your time and money would be best spent fighting a move away that you know will be very difficult to stop given the current circumstance.  Also consider that the children would probably be very upset if they were forced to live with you and their mom and stepdad, who have been there for them all along, moved to the east coast.  That would be very traumatic for them, and I don't think that a judge would find that in their best interest.

I get the sense that you feel like you "have" to fight for them because you left, and now you need to show that you really want them in your lives.  If that's the case, and you do feel you have something to prove, family court isn't the place to prove it - and a judge isn't the person you need to prove it to.  It's your children and, honestly, I hope they don't know anything about what's going on in court because that is very stressful for them.  You will be able to prove it to them by maximizing the amount of time you are able to spend with them.  It sounds like your ex is willing to do that, and kudos to her for not being vindictive. 

I do agree that, since she is initiating the move away, she should be responsible for all transportation. 

[gemini3]

things can change in the mother's life to the point she is a completely different person and doesn't even know herself (ie she becomes a rant and raving Bimbo). 

Seriously Davy, is that really "encouraging the participants to find a way to work out the matters at hand"?  I don't think that the poster's ex being a 'ranting and raving bimbo' is one of the matters at hand.  In fact, the poster has said several times that his ex is being very cooperative.

What you're doing is inciting discord.  "What if"-ing is never productive.

[shaden3]

Angus, you continue to seem open to being guided by others, and I wanted to support what gemini3 said in a very eloquent way:

"I get the sense that you feel like you "have" to fight for them because you left, and now you need to show that you really want them in your lives.  If that's the case, and you do feel you have something to prove, family court isn't the place to prove it - and a judge isn't the person you need to prove it to.  It's your children and, honestly, I hope they don't know anything about what's going on in court because that is very stressful for them.  You will be able to prove it to them by maximizing the amount of time you are able to spend with them.  It sounds like your ex is willing to do that, and kudos to her for not being vindictive."

You're on the verge of building a new foundation for you and your children. Should mom move with the children, you can be assured that your continued planning, patience and respect-building will only increase the bond you will be re-developing with your children. There are years to come where they will become excited about flying out to be with dad, and the past will not be filled with bad feelings about the court battle between their bio parents, but rather serve as a role model for them to be civil adults one day. However, the path through court will more likely give you kids who are embittered, unsettled, depressed and angry at their dad for the lack of peace in their lives.

Ask yourself, again, what do I want. And then plan the best you can to get that. Gemini3 has good advice to that end.

[Angus571]

Ex is now offering me all Holidays, entire months of June and July, and she is offering to pay all transportation fees for the children....Still an up hill battle for me, we will see what happens.

[ocean]

All holidays?  meaning what? Winter and Spring break? Thanksgiving? Christmas? Summer?
You would then see them Feb, April. June, July, November, December

Does she have the financial means to fly the kids back and for that many times across the country? This will cost her a lot because airfare goes way up when kids have off of school (at least here).

[Kitty C.]

I agree....and if they are under age 13, there will be additional unaccompanied minor charges for each child, above and beyond the cost of the tickets.  I haven't had to use that for quite a few years now, but it used to be $60 one way.  Anyone know what it is now?

[Angus571]

If I had to guess I would say that means; Fall Break, Winter Break, and Spring Break, and two mos out of the Summer.

Yes, She would be able to afford the plane tickets...That wouldn't be a problem.

Does this make her look better when we go to trial...That she is offering me everything?

[Davy]

It seems to me that it would be much more fair and practical to the children especially as they got older if mom would keep her home base in the local community and she does the transport to and fore to visit her hubby or relocate with her hubby and do the transport to and for to visit the children.  After all, mom and hubby are both adults with predicable daily routine lives that could easily adjust to changes.  For example, if the children had a special event on a Wednesday then both parents could more easily participate.

Transportation costs and flight schedules would be more tolerable for an adult.

The children could have more involvement with  both parents and would not have to live their lives around transportation schedules, visitation periods, and wondering when mom's hubby is going to have another career move and they'll be uprooted again to parts unknown.   

Besides, her proposal seems to imply that her hubby has "rights" to your children when he has zero rights.

In addition, many children have grown and prospered when dad is the primary.

I think the children benefit best when reasonable parents focus on the children and think outside the status quo box.

What is your thinking and do you feel she might consider burdening herself instead of the children.      

[Angus571]

Are you saying that children that move frequently are not has happy or don't do as well in life?  I wonder how many military members and thier family's would disagree with you?

Transportation cost are more tolerable for an adult?  Of course, the girls don't have jobs and can't afford it?

Wonder when hubby is going to have another career move?  See sentence two....

Were did you pressume that she thinks her husband has "rights?"  I have no idea where you are coming up with that?

Of course many children have grown and prospered when their Dad was primary...But mine have specifically done well while the Mom has been primary, she has been their rock and go to parent their entire lives

Think outside the box?  This is the 21st century....There is no box any more!

I hate to nay say your ideas...But if I can argue your points, I'm sure a Judge with several years of experience can as well and be better at it than me.

I don't think she will burden herself......

[Davy]

Just what I thought ... you're part of the HOAX.

Otherwise, I'm Vietnam era DAV and have provided more authenic assistance, support , and help to veterans for a long period of time and surround my self with the likes of retired full birds, sharp shooters, combat medics, forward observers  ..... in other words ...low lifes like you can only talk big about it.  Any questions

Transportation cost and schedules are more tolerable for an adult?  Of course, the girls don't have jobs and can't afford it?   IT IS TRUE but YOU can't respond.

career move?  See sentence five ....

husband has "rights?"  I have no idea where you are coming up with that?  If you grab both ears and jerk real hard maybe .. just maybe you will see the light.

specifically done well while the Mom has been primary, she has been their rock and go to parent their entire lives .... No way was I being condensending to mom but you continue your hoax on this board being condensending to dads.   

There is no box any more!   OH YES THERE IS ... JUST LOOK IN THE MIRROR

I hate to nay say your ideas...But if I can argue your points.... MY POINTS WERE NOT PUT OUT FOR ARGUMENT AND YOU REFUSE TO INTELLIGENTLT ADDRESS MY POINTS WHICH ARE ALL VERY VALID,

I'm sure a Judge with several years of experience can as well and be better at it than me.
OH GEE..I'M SHAKIN IN MY BOOTS>  JUDGES RULE THEY DON"T ARGUE YOU IDIOT BUT IT SHOWS THE BITCHDOM YOU"RE COMING FROM

I don't think she will burden herself...... OF COURSE NOT