My EX has not seen our son for over two years, help!!!!

[grtdaddy]

my lawyer told me the two hrs one day a week is the bare minumum anything less is zero. this order is in effect until august. but we are fighting to keep it for alot longer than that. and NO over night visits what so ever. my lawyer said my chances of sole physical custody was extremely high. i trust him. he is also a sit in judge so im willing to bet he knows what he's doing, or at least i pray to god he does.

[ocean]

My bet is she is not telling her lawyer everything but it is not your job to her lawyer. It will be brought up and her lawyer will be slammed with the evidence and not have time to prepare to counter what you bring up. Our PB has been through 5 family lawyers and 2 criminal ones...Once they see her true colors they demand more money since it is not what she told them and she moves to the next one.

[grtdaddy]

just to add to what i said before. after court. i asked my lawyer "should i allow her to have phone cals like the previous triage lady set out 3 times a week"? he said no, not at this time. would anyone guess why he would say no to this? is this is my my sons best interest right now? the last triage lady only gave her two hrs supervised visitation one time a week anything more was at my discretion. i am just trying to figure out every agngle of my lawyers case i trust him he's good and i know he is not only looking out for his client me but his client our son. I am feeling pretty goood about our case now but of course until it's said and done im always on edge and court is very intemidating. thank you

[4honor]

The tactical advantage of not going IN ADDITION TO what the triage temporary order states is that IF you agree to additional time (hone or in person) above the triage order, you are essetially renegotiating the terms of the temp order. That is an insult to the court, and makes you look like you really do not have serious concerns for the safety and mental health of the child. For example, if she is a danger, she is always a danger.

[ksmarks]

I agree with 4honor.  Plus, if you are paying an attorney to represent you, you should follow his advice.  At this point and time you should not be second guessing teh courts or the order. 

Plus if she is a threat, she is a threat. (period)

I have witnessed several things go south in a telephone call, why go there if you do not have to...?

As always, good luck!

[grtdaddy]

i simply ignored her phone calls and her text messages. i have been contacted by the supervisor of the visitations. any advice here? if visits go well does that go against my custody? im sure the mother will play mother of the year during her two hour visits. i asked the lady if she reports to the court she said only if something bad happens but also reports the over all visitations. sorry for my nervous questions, i am just very concerned for our son.  as far as her calliing my lawyer called me and told me to not allow any and follow the court order which i have done and that is is my favor big time. according to my lawyer team i will will sole physical custody hands down but im sure you can understand my fears. thank you again.

[Kitty C.]

Given what you've described so far, I would be amazed if she even showed up for the visitation.  And even if she does and tries to put on a 'Mom of the Year' act, that won't wipe out all the history and abuse she's already committed.  But why did the supervisor call you and what did she want?  Just to let you know that the visitation is scheduled?  No big deal.....all it means is that you have to make sure your child is present for it, regardless of whether she shows or not.  Follow the order and do not deviate from it.

So how long is it until you go back to court and finalize this?  All I can tell you is that if you've got weeks or months to go, you will drive yourself into a nervous breakdown if you can't stop obsessing about this.  And what good would that do for your child?  You MUST take care of yourself in order to take care of your child.  Your child can see how the stress is affecting you, even if they can't tell you or understand why.  The best thing you can do for your child right now is to enjoy your time together and try to relax and have fun together. 

Above all else, do your best to shield your child from the stress of the situation.  I know, easier said than done, but it can be done.  Go to the park, find something you both enjoy to do and go do it!  Back when I was dealing with custody issues when DS was very small, we'd go for drives just to see what we could see (northern CA) and our favorite that DS still remembers fondly is going to Dairy Queen and sharing an Oreo Blizzard.  DS is 20 now, but he still talks about that.....because it was a great time to him and he loved it!  Little did he know but that was all I could afford at the time and it was hugely stressful to me that I couldn't afford anything else and dealing with all the court issues.  Regardless of what I went through, I will always be grateful that I was able to shield him from much of the stress and even manage to create a wonderful lasting memory of that time!

[grtdaddy]

thank you kitty, and everyone for your support,


i am driving myself nuts like my drea friend tells me everyday, the sky is blue stop worrying. we go to mediation in july and court aug 10. the supervisor needs me to fill out some paperwork and give her a breakdown of my concerns. like i have a myspace message talking of suicide for one instanced, she would like to have that. she said all her job is to do is stay and listen to make sure the visit is healthy and goes as planned by the courts. the mother keeps texting me hounding me to call but the court order says one two hour vist a week only, and like my lawyer said "you follow that order". I can promis you she will play mom of the year she is an extrememly good liar, but 15 declarations of eyey witnesss testimony already at the mediators office should prove she has abused not only myself, but this beautiful baby boy which i call my best friend. My sister told me on the telephone stop it!!! celebrate the fact she less in triage now means you have won the custody it's just not ruber stamped yet. hard to do with you precious little ones future on the line. please excuse me for driving some of you people nuts, believe it or not you give me great support and your advice is very very reasurring to our case.

[grtdaddy]

met with the person tht does the supervised visitations. she informed me what she documents holds a great deal of weight in court. good or bad. my thinking of supervised was just that supervised, to make sure your child is safe. my child is already in therapy, she also told me im wasting my money on a lawyer becase the outcome will be the same, and my 15 declarations of abuse the court will not consider since it came from family and friends alike. any advise to this?

[ocean]

Well....if it goes to trial they will ask her to be there or send a report on how visits went and should they be changed (increased or decreased).
The declarations...she is right. If it goes to trial, your lawyer should pick from your list the best choices to put on the stand to testify. So the court can hear what went on. Letters probably will go unread.
Did you get to show any evidence and talk in detail of your concerns to the supervising person? Sounds like they think they make the decisions, but just play her game. State facts that you can back up and let the visits happen.