My EX has not seen our son for over two years, help!!!!

[Momfortwo]

i will do that very thing. Do you think she will get joint legal custody? shoyuld i hire an attorney at this point? can i hire one after filing these papers?

If I were you, I would hire an attorney.  This is one case that you don't want any mistakes made on. 

[grtdaddy]

oh i hired one, right after i filed.

[Kitty C.]

You're absolutely right..........it is ALL about getting to you, because she can't see past that to realize that SHE has to prove herself in order to get more visitation.  Otherwise, she would be stepping up to the plate and is obviously isn't.

Mediation in CA...........we went through that back in 1993-95.  The first mediator we had was absolutely worthless and it was a guy.  He was of no help whatsoever and gave the impression he was only there to do his time and get a paycheck.  It didn't solve anything or give us an incentive to work together....at least not effectively.  The second time was on an emergency basis.....LONG story, but we'd moved to IA (my home state), but DS's dad absconded with DS back to CA 5 months later.  Over the next 6 weeks, I flew there 3 times and we were in emergency mediation the afternoon before the hearing for the temp. order.  DS was only 4 at the time and hadn't seen me for a while, so the mediator got a good show when he ran to me and wrapped himself around me, refusing to let go.  She had to get another social worker to take DS to another room across the hall while the mediator interviewed me...otherwise he would have pitched a screaming fit.

Long story short, the report on the judge's desk the next morning was handwritten, as she hadn't even had time to type it up.  She also called it like she saw it.....that DS was suffering from severe separation anxiety caused from father taking him away so abruptly and that the mother (me) appeared to be more willing to work through issues and come up with workable plans than the father, whom she said appeared to not realize what the impact of the situation was having on his son and more intent on getting his way than trying to make things work.

Basically, it's a crap shoot.........don't be too quick to judge, but feel out the situation before deciding what the mediator is like.  Be honest, have a plan, and emphasize your son at all times and you should be fine.  But if you feel that the mediator isn't listening to you or seems to be 'conflicted', ask to speak to his/her supervisor or request another mediator to be assigned.  If they ask why, tell them you feel that your child would be better served if the parents can work with someone who is more willing to work equally with them, which is the truth.

Best of luck and let us know how it turns out.......

[grtdaddy]

i have a appointment with my lawyer again tomorrow. i have a lost of questions this time and i plan to write his answers down. i also paid for just answer family law from real lawyers and according to my case, i should get sole custody quite easily. that made me feel better i will sleep tonight better at least. the mom made her phone call at 6:58 pm tonight nearly missing a 3rd ordered call in the past week. it's quite clear her intrest is not in our son. I think that hurts me more than the court proceedings. no matter what the mediator reccomends, if it isnt  sole custody i am fighting to the end for the judge to make the final order. at least one day on my death bed i can honesly tell my son i did and will always do anything for your well being long after i leave this world. i love him so much!!!!!

[Shanni]

 grtdaddy you should be so proud of yourself for stepping up to the plate and doing what you need to for your son. I am the guardian of 2 little boys that I am fighting for also. There are just some ppl out there that just aren't made to be a mom or dad, you however have shown with your integrity that you are an awesome father and are willing to be an unconditional father.  Keep your chin up and know that you are doing a great job with protecting your little guy and he will some day when he gets older really know how awesome you are...

[grtdaddy]

Shanni thank you,

i appreciate your praise. all i am doing is what any parent should do and that is be one. she has missed 2 calls in one week, nearly missed last night by calling at 6 58 pm when her call time is 6-7 pm. if it was me i would be calling at 6:01 pm but hey that's just me. no matter what the mediator does if i don't get sole custody we are going to trial, and i will take it to the end i have found the strength in me to do this. do i worry? absolutley, i fear gender biased as one issue and perhaps my largest concern. but i also fear the court system will not do what is in our sons best interest. we will see. every lawyer i talk to says i should win sole custody absolutley but until the judge says it i'm a semi wreck, she wins on that aspect. her whole point was to turn my world upside down, make things hard for me at my job etc, but i won't give in i am this childs shield and will take every bullet for him,

Love Daddy

[grtdaddy]

i got the letter from the "visitation" provider  which out down twp incidents involving me.

#1 i allowed child to see mother without supervision. .....truth is son asked to say goodbye to mom one more time which the door is maybe 15 ft way wide open, he walked to the door and said "by mom"

#2 father undermined supervisor  by saying it was okay for son to say goodbye to mom again..... huh? this lady is gone not only has she been trying to give me legal advise, but took our son to a bowling alley full of people drinking, and bowled. i ask who was supervising while she was bowling? she will not be allowed another session and this time i will be picking who is doing the supervised visits. my lawyer tried calling her because he was upset about the things she says to me as far as legal advise goes, her response when i asked if she talked to him was, i dont talk to lawyers. thre is a big list of legal advise she has givin me, which is documented along with her letter, i also want to file a grivence against this person as stated by other supervisors she way over stepped her boundry. and i feel is gender biased and taking sides period.

[grtdaddy]

Mom is delusional.  And if she has an atty., either she isn't paying attention to what they are telling her, she has failed to tell them her history, or they are delusional, too.  She doesn't have a snowball's chance in he!! of getting joint............she'd be damn lucky to get an extra day of supervised visitation.  JMO, of course.......

Remember this first and foremost:  courts like to 'keep the status quo'.......and with not only you having primary custody all this time, but also her documented 'history', they will NOT want to change this.  If anything, they wil want to move very slowly to increase BM's time and make her prove herself to the court.  That is certainly one thing I would demand in court...sanctions against her if she screws up.  Like if she fails to show for a certain number visitations, the time is decreased.  If she attempts to abuse the child, she be charged and ALL visitation suspended until she proves to the court (classes, whatever they demand she take) she won't do it again. 

The last resort would be termination of rights.  It's obvious by her demands that she is in total denial of what she's done, so you practically have to hang something like this over her head to make her realize this is being taken seriously and she cannot screw up again.

now mom has changed to trying for custody, she is shooting for the moon. no way this will happen!!!!everything i read on California law says the courts keep status quo, stability and continuity of environment, what was it? oh yes paramount. she's trying to play hard ball after being absent for two years. Only thing she wants to do is drain my wallat, this kind of situation should be required to be a speedy trial. But i wil take it to the end, this child is not going anywhere. oh yeah mediation is this week, i wont tip my hand but i think you are right. she has a snowballs chance in he!! in getting any kind of custody, what the real issue is a parenting plan that is in our childs best intrest. which i will fight for it to be very slow. heck she doesn't even have a job or her own home, where is she comming from???

[Kitty C.]

Don't waste your time or stress out trying to figure her out.........there's NO way to understand people like her who live in denial and delusion.  You will just end up chasing your tail in circles if you try to understand where she's coming from.

As an aside, it would be interesting to know just who she has representing her (and how she's paying for it!)........and do they realize just how whacked she is???

This is sounding like a 3 ring circus on BM's part........so I do suggest that when you go to mediation this week, bite your tongue or do whatever it takes to keep from laughing out loud when she makes her ridiculous demands, gives her flimsy excuses, or any other indication that she is truly the space cadet she is........I know it will be difficult, but TRY!  Remember...'poker face'.

(tongue in cheek!) 

[grtdaddy]

meditation was today, mediator said joint legal custody, and sole physical custody to dad. with a step up visitation schedule, that in the end is rotating holidays and every other weekend order. and if she is serious about being involved i think this will be a fair order. she has to make 80% of all visits or she will get less time. The mediator already had her decision before we even got there to be honest, although BM declaration was full of lies and contradictions that if it was to go to trial would have been shredded apart. I didn't sign anything until after the lawyer looks the order over very well. but this is a good glimpse of what will be, and you all were right, noway she was getting Physical custody. i sure will sleep better now, and maybe i can have some money again.